Reminders
While the excitement of this trip is nearly overwhelming...i'm starting to get set into the monotonous part...the classes and working out...the set schedule that i always end up having because life gets so busy...but with that comes the times where i have nothing to do...so i sit in my room or take walks or runs, whatever i fancy at the time, and try to erase my mind of what is constantly plauging it. it's not so easy...it's never easy.
i'm torn between worlds. most of you will say that's nothing new, i'm always a mixture of what is real and what is going on inside my head, but this time its completely different. the lifestyles here are so vastly different that it's like a parallel world. and then i get these thoughts and there i am again, back in this introspective pile of shit that i can't get myself out of, and the sad part is, i usually don't want to. i keep being faced with these things, these reminders of what i've left back home, or farther back, and i can't chase them away. and then i talk to you and i don't want to chase them away.
i figured coming to ireland would give me the escape i needed to find out what i really wanted to do, where i really wanted to go...and i've realized i just want to run home to you...
you try to hide who you really are on this tougher exterior, and it might work for some people, but i can see right through you...that's the problem. i find myself trying to read you...your thoughts, your words, whatever i can get a grasp on, and i end up getting lost everytime. so i go out...the noise of the pubs and the laughs i share with my friends are a good distraction...for a while. it never lasts too long. because i always come back to my room...and see that little word on the computer that always reminds me of you...and it's usually the last thing i see before i go to bed. DAMN YOU! i told you you were a plague...but if you left me...if you left me, totally absolved yourself of me...what would i do? i would think that that's what i want, but that would be a total lie to myself, because i'm pretty sure my heart would break...you're far enough away already...far too far by my way of thinking, but i can't get you any closer, so i'll deal with what we have right now.
i'm not one for poetry, i'm not one for typical laments, i just say what i feel and hope that it gets the point across...it doesn't always work, but ever i keep trying. i hate to admit it...that someone can take over my own mind, but i can't seem to stop it. i'm sorry.
i'm going to class and then the hurling match...so maybe that will be enough of a distraction for a while.
i'm torn between worlds. most of you will say that's nothing new, i'm always a mixture of what is real and what is going on inside my head, but this time its completely different. the lifestyles here are so vastly different that it's like a parallel world. and then i get these thoughts and there i am again, back in this introspective pile of shit that i can't get myself out of, and the sad part is, i usually don't want to. i keep being faced with these things, these reminders of what i've left back home, or farther back, and i can't chase them away. and then i talk to you and i don't want to chase them away.
i figured coming to ireland would give me the escape i needed to find out what i really wanted to do, where i really wanted to go...and i've realized i just want to run home to you...
you try to hide who you really are on this tougher exterior, and it might work for some people, but i can see right through you...that's the problem. i find myself trying to read you...your thoughts, your words, whatever i can get a grasp on, and i end up getting lost everytime. so i go out...the noise of the pubs and the laughs i share with my friends are a good distraction...for a while. it never lasts too long. because i always come back to my room...and see that little word on the computer that always reminds me of you...and it's usually the last thing i see before i go to bed. DAMN YOU! i told you you were a plague...but if you left me...if you left me, totally absolved yourself of me...what would i do? i would think that that's what i want, but that would be a total lie to myself, because i'm pretty sure my heart would break...you're far enough away already...far too far by my way of thinking, but i can't get you any closer, so i'll deal with what we have right now.
i'm not one for poetry, i'm not one for typical laments, i just say what i feel and hope that it gets the point across...it doesn't always work, but ever i keep trying. i hate to admit it...that someone can take over my own mind, but i can't seem to stop it. i'm sorry.
i'm going to class and then the hurling match...so maybe that will be enough of a distraction for a while.