Waga Yowasa (My Weakness)
Heh how long has it been since I've made an LJ post. I'm back once again peoples. This time with a more serious-toned update. For a long time I've focused on being silly and enjoying my childhood as far as interacting with others while neglecting my "intelligent side". It was a part of me that I thought I would never use again really. But it's starting to come back because I have a thirst for questions and new knowledge. The thing is I've never cared about being smarter than others. I can admit that I am. It's a simple fact. I mean why should I not be able to say such a thing if others already do about me? It's funny that when I say that I feel arrogant. That's being in society for ya. But to prevent this post from being too random I wanted to throw in a picture here. It's of my mother. I believe she's either in her 20s or 30s in this pic. I hate the stains on it. But the woman is FINE.
From this powerhouse of beauty came everything I am. Although she is no longer among the living she is still the most important person to me. I didn't believe it when Jodi had called and said she was dead. I had gone from school to see her. And the last day I was there I said "get better for me Pookie ok....we still have stuff to do." In my mind I made promise to stay alive and fight it. I was a mental mess during the whole thing. My life lost all direction and I had to move to a new place. For a it I resented her leaving me because she knew I needed her. But I know better. I'm sure she wasn't lying in the hospital bed thinking "i want to die." The creepy thing is that I think she foreshadowed her own death. I told her she going to live to be 100. She left at 62 years young. I hated seeing her in that hospital. She couldn't even talk. To see my strong, beautiful mother not even able to talk was ridiculous. No one deserves to go through what she went through. If I could give up anything to have her back I would do it no questions asked. She was everything to me.
She always liked to call me Koala. That was her little nickname for me other than Wolfman. She was an old-fashioned. incredibly opinionated, and unbelievably outspoken woman. She knew how things should be. There was no second-guessing with her. You can't fool around with this lady. She had some psychic abilities I swear. I grew up my entire life with her. She's the only parent I've ever really known. It's hard to continue living everyday without her around. No more cussing me out when she gets mad, no more worrying over how I'm doing, no more multiple slobbery fish lip kisses (she hated those but I did it to annoy her). NOt a day goes by that I don't think about her. I attest to every little thing she did to honor her. I feel I owe that to her. For instance, her beliefs about people and friendship I've decided to keep and never again shall I waver. I collect coins like she did. She gave me this cute li lblue animal tin that I use to do so. I have no idea how much money I have tho it's a good bit. That money will never be spent. I really don't see how being happy in this life4 is possible for me without her but I manage somehow. If I had my way I'd be back in McComb right now, sitting in my room, waiting for her to call me to do something. That pic was one of a very few. She didn't like having her picture taken. I knew I should've done more when I had the chance. I don't think I'll ever be able to accept her being gone but I di have a life to attend to to make her proud of me. I'll end this entry with my writing (Kel did most of it) for her funeral program.
From this powerhouse of beauty came everything I am. Although she is no longer among the living she is still the most important person to me. I didn't believe it when Jodi had called and said she was dead. I had gone from school to see her. And the last day I was there I said "get better for me Pookie ok....we still have stuff to do." In my mind I made promise to stay alive and fight it. I was a mental mess during the whole thing. My life lost all direction and I had to move to a new place. For a it I resented her leaving me because she knew I needed her. But I know better. I'm sure she wasn't lying in the hospital bed thinking "i want to die." The creepy thing is that I think she foreshadowed her own death. I told her she going to live to be 100. She left at 62 years young. I hated seeing her in that hospital. She couldn't even talk. To see my strong, beautiful mother not even able to talk was ridiculous. No one deserves to go through what she went through. If I could give up anything to have her back I would do it no questions asked. She was everything to me.
She always liked to call me Koala. That was her little nickname for me other than Wolfman. She was an old-fashioned. incredibly opinionated, and unbelievably outspoken woman. She knew how things should be. There was no second-guessing with her. You can't fool around with this lady. She had some psychic abilities I swear. I grew up my entire life with her. She's the only parent I've ever really known. It's hard to continue living everyday without her around. No more cussing me out when she gets mad, no more worrying over how I'm doing, no more multiple slobbery fish lip kisses (she hated those but I did it to annoy her). NOt a day goes by that I don't think about her. I attest to every little thing she did to honor her. I feel I owe that to her. For instance, her beliefs about people and friendship I've decided to keep and never again shall I waver. I collect coins like she did. She gave me this cute li lblue animal tin that I use to do so. I have no idea how much money I have tho it's a good bit. That money will never be spent. I really don't see how being happy in this life4 is possible for me without her but I manage somehow. If I had my way I'd be back in McComb right now, sitting in my room, waiting for her to call me to do something. That pic was one of a very few. She didn't like having her picture taken. I knew I should've done more when I had the chance. I don't think I'll ever be able to accept her being gone but I di have a life to attend to to make her proud of me. I'll end this entry with my writing (Kel did most of it) for her funeral program.