(no subject)
Schmavis got up at the crack of dawn this morning to go with me to the health center for my gyno appt. He didn't want me to go alone. He sat there for over two hours and never once complained. Seemed happy to be there for me...where did he come from and how is he mine??? Afterwards, we went to the library to study and he bought be a coffee and a muffin. Somehow he knew that I have a fetish for bananna nut - I swear I've never told him that before. He listened to my annoying music in the car and even though it's not what he listens to, tapped to the beat and even sang along at one point. He told me the other day that he had somehow ended up with Lauren for lunch and wanted to tell me about it because it made him feel guilty. God, he didn't even do anything wrong and yet he was making sure it was okay! I don't get it.
I spent last night over his place studying. I noticed that he went out and bought all of the foods I told him I'll eat. He boiled eggs for me at midnight. He's got diet coke out the wazoo. And he doesn't even think twice about that stuff. He just does it. Never expects thanks or anything in return. He wants to be with me all the time and gets sad when we have a night that can't be spent together. He plans days in ahead what we'll do...and I could go on, but I won't.
All I can think is, I don't deserve this and God, what happens if I let myself get attached to him and something goes wrong. I'll be ruined. But, as the song that I've been listening to for days now over and over says...it's about believing and faith. I think that even after all I've been through with past people, given the right person I'm still capable of that. I hope, at least :)
I SHALL BELIEVE
Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe
I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe
Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key
Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe
That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
And I shall believe