resolutions don't work
I have now spent fifty-five years in resolving, having, from the earliest time almost that I can remember, been forming schemes of a better life. I have done nothing. The need of doing, therefore, is pressing, since the time of doing is short. О God, grant me to resolve aright, and to keep my resolutions.
- Samuel Johnson, 1704
- Samuel Johnson, 1704
Actually, I couldn't disagree more strongly.
I'm at a point where a lot of the things I've spent decades struggling with, knowing I need to change them, I ought to change them, I'd be better off if I changed them, etc., etc., etc. - I'm becoming able to let go of them, instead of fighting to push them away. I'm getting to a place of being able to consider an action or a choice and know, really truly know deep down at a bone-and-gut level, no, you're not working for me, and I'm ready to stop fighting the same old fight and try another way.
Some of the tools that have helped me get here:
The idea that one can punish oneself into being a better person is one of the main sources of suffering. Paradoxically, by letting go of the high standards I held for how I ought to be, I'm more able to make choices that are healing and compassionate for me.
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Ah, but I'm not punishing myself. I'm making Amy punish me. :-) Seriously, though, all I'm doing is changing the incentives around to where I have a strong incentive to do the right thing. I've never had high standards for myself. I'm lazy and tend to overeat, I've always been that way, and I had no moral qualms about it. It was the results I didn't like. Now, being lazy and overeating comes at a significant, short-term cost, so I'm changing. It's actually surprisingly easy.
I didn't mean to suggest that my method would work for everyone; I hate it when the born-agains do that with Jesus. :-)
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