[C] Not a Trial, pt 7
When he finished, she nodded, conceding his points on the Great Oath.
At his picked nit, she shrugged and supplied casually, disinterestedly: "It is the potentially inconvenient nature of the path that I've followed that it is a 'limited time offer', and it does certainly lead to the impression that any who take the path on are rash. The six months I gave to consideration of this path can still be considered 'rash', but I extended the time as much as I felt that I could without losing the opportunity. While even on the other side I do not know for certain, the general disillusionment and chafing that I felt may have had some bearing on my hearing The Call.
"I've been told both since the Event of two years ago and since my own emergence as a Forsworn any number of times that the Coils could be learned anew. Some night I may find that to be relevant again, if I turn from this path. Though I will venture it would not be soon. Unlike many of the Coils, this path is not so often trampled by Dragons.
"No," she raises her voice very slightly, signifying that she is answering his question. "I would say that I have not forsworn the Great Oath laid down in the Rites of the Dragon."
"Very well. So now the question is whether or not you abandoned your Oath to the Sworn of the Mysteries."
Yes. Yes! She wanted to scream to high heaven that she had abandoned the Oath. They'd run this territory before.
Then Hammond changed direction. "I would like to put that on the back burner for a bit. While I am sure you will think me incapable of understanding, I would like you to describe for me, in as much detail as possible, this Call you heard. How did it feel? Do you hear it still?"
She glanced up at the observers. "Is this a part of deciding whether I live or die, or have we moved to your academic curiosity?"
"This is very much in the live or die category of questions," Hammond answered, tone sober. "Very much so."
Something inside bucked and railed, tired of this. She returned to pacing, facing it down while appearing to her audience to recollect the circumstances from her imperfect mind. She imagined a serpent, still and staring, and waiting. Patient. Slow to need food. Vulnerable body, coiled together for protection, watching, waiting. Patient. Patient. Surrounded by humans with long torches, allow them the idea that you are powerless. Wait.
"Some piece of instinct buried in the otherwise disciplined self reaches up and makes itself known. It gnaws at your understanding of what Kindred society has always accepted.
"You feel ... that ... most everyone around you is ... running in a hamster wheel. They spin and spin and go to court and get status and lose status and offend someone and make up for it and meet and do the same bland dance nightly or weekly or monthly out of stasis and habit. They confront other Kindred in 'polite' society and use society's rules and expectations as a shield and convince themselves that they are civil creatures when they are ... afraid of that which elevated them above humans during the Embrace. You feel they hide and construct rules and station to make themselves feel better and to lie to themselves about what they are by nature.
"Night-to-night -- really, day-to-day -- it may come in dreams. Themes include rot, ruin, despair, withering, along with the more common themes death, slaughter, et cetera." Details unimportant, irritating. Everyone knew the details or they would not understand for her talking about them.
"More relevant is that while it seems that everything around you is falling apart and exposing a lie underneath, there are a very few encounters that you may have that suggest you are not alone in this realization. I did not seek them out -- I intended to wait it out as it was my understanding that it will pass in time -- but members of the Brood found me first. With repeated discussion I came to the realization that their attempts to encourage me in this direction had nothing to do with politics versus the 'welcome Covenants', or strategy. Impossible as it seems to anyone who is not on my end, I realize," she glanced up at the darkness.
"What happens is that a piece of what we all share -- what made us all 'Kindred' once we were Embraced -- comes forward and reminds you that you share something with others. No matter the lines you draw between clan or covenant or what external trinkets or status you value, you realize that there is a thing that links you to other vampires, passed down through the will and blood of the sire, and the thing has commonalities and provides its own level of understanding." She paused. "The Ordo Dracul methodology of one-on-one mentor-student teaching, while very effective for personal exploration, does not genuinely support an exploration of this greater commonality.
"Now that I've followed the path, I don't hear it the same way, no. There have been other evolutions since, but the Call itself is temporary.
"And that's as far down that road as I'll go with you, Immortal."
"I am not sure it is enough, Philosopher. Have you studied this Call objectively? Can you be sure, beyond a reasonable doubt, it is not a form of pyschic influence or telepathy? More importantly, can you be sure, beyond a reasonable doubt, it is not a spirit or other non-corporal or other-realm creature influencing you?" Hammond sighed. Sighed. It seemed terribly unlike an Immortal to sigh. She suspected showmanship. "I fear I sound like someone ready to light torches and call out pitchforks. I assure you I do not mean to be. However this group has been known as Belial's Brood for some time. Even if that name is hyperbole, it is not beyond the realm of expectation that an otherworldly entity is grouping together and influencing vampires it sees as ripe and molding them into something it wishes to do so via this Call."
Information-seeking. Espionage in the form of a not-trial.
"Certainly. I was Learnaean in my time, and had mastered the disciplined self-examination of the Mind. I spent many months examining myself during the Call, and there was no external effect on my mental faculties." She repeated it again for any truth-tellers: "I used the Merits of the Mind to examine myself thoroughly on a nightly and daily basis in search of an external influence. There was none. An examination of my aura will find that I appear not so different from the rest of you." Still pacing, maybe a little faster.
"And consider my perspective, Immortal: the fact is that it appears as though someone in the Dragons is targeting either me or else the Forsworn. Someone in the Ordo Dracul set the Moroi after me. Someone in the Ordo Dracul apparently has spread the word that I have a vendetta against the Dragons. I'm sure there are more hostilities being acted on already, and likely worse in the works. While you, Immortal, are clearly above that, my time in the Onyx has made it plain to me that many Dragons don't have your discipline. We have agreed I pursue the Great Work in an unusual way, and I have asserted that I have done nothing to harm the Dragons while in return someone in their number has attacked me rather than seek the knowledge that you have gained here.
"If I bring the Ordo Dracul an understanding of what I have become, it will not be done under duress. If the Ordo Dracul kill me, they will face the consequences of the act without my help."
"It is a terrible thing to destroy a Dragon," he answered after the appearance of deep consideration. "Each who have taken the Oaths, each that has risen above Slave has a unique perspective, a unique experience. Even the lowest of us are better than other vampires. To destroy one of us is only considered in the direst of circumstances as laid out by the Rites. The Moroi will be investigated. I am sure the Axe will re-double their efforts to get to the bottom of this, as it is a threat to the Ordo, that much is certain."
Hammond sat straighter. "By all measures here you are speaking true, and you are not showing signs of supernatural coercion or dominance. With no verifiable proof, we can at least table the issue of selling your soul to a devil, as they say. You have not, to your truthful knowing, interfered or harmed or attempted to bring to harm other Dragons. You have, via my interpretation, upheld the Great Oath and therefore not left the Ordo Dracul ... though you believed you had." He smirks, though not with any mirth. "Now it appears the hardest part of this. Figuring out if you have actually abandoned your Oath to the Mysteries."
Mycroft cocks and eyebrow. "You haven't tasted another vampire's blood since you took the Oath, have you?"
At his picked nit, she shrugged and supplied casually, disinterestedly: "It is the potentially inconvenient nature of the path that I've followed that it is a 'limited time offer', and it does certainly lead to the impression that any who take the path on are rash. The six months I gave to consideration of this path can still be considered 'rash', but I extended the time as much as I felt that I could without losing the opportunity. While even on the other side I do not know for certain, the general disillusionment and chafing that I felt may have had some bearing on my hearing The Call.
"I've been told both since the Event of two years ago and since my own emergence as a Forsworn any number of times that the Coils could be learned anew. Some night I may find that to be relevant again, if I turn from this path. Though I will venture it would not be soon. Unlike many of the Coils, this path is not so often trampled by Dragons.
"No," she raises her voice very slightly, signifying that she is answering his question. "I would say that I have not forsworn the Great Oath laid down in the Rites of the Dragon."
"Very well. So now the question is whether or not you abandoned your Oath to the Sworn of the Mysteries."
Yes. Yes! She wanted to scream to high heaven that she had abandoned the Oath. They'd run this territory before.
Then Hammond changed direction. "I would like to put that on the back burner for a bit. While I am sure you will think me incapable of understanding, I would like you to describe for me, in as much detail as possible, this Call you heard. How did it feel? Do you hear it still?"
She glanced up at the observers. "Is this a part of deciding whether I live or die, or have we moved to your academic curiosity?"
"This is very much in the live or die category of questions," Hammond answered, tone sober. "Very much so."
Something inside bucked and railed, tired of this. She returned to pacing, facing it down while appearing to her audience to recollect the circumstances from her imperfect mind. She imagined a serpent, still and staring, and waiting. Patient. Slow to need food. Vulnerable body, coiled together for protection, watching, waiting. Patient. Patient. Surrounded by humans with long torches, allow them the idea that you are powerless. Wait.
"Some piece of instinct buried in the otherwise disciplined self reaches up and makes itself known. It gnaws at your understanding of what Kindred society has always accepted.
"You feel ... that ... most everyone around you is ... running in a hamster wheel. They spin and spin and go to court and get status and lose status and offend someone and make up for it and meet and do the same bland dance nightly or weekly or monthly out of stasis and habit. They confront other Kindred in 'polite' society and use society's rules and expectations as a shield and convince themselves that they are civil creatures when they are ... afraid of that which elevated them above humans during the Embrace. You feel they hide and construct rules and station to make themselves feel better and to lie to themselves about what they are by nature.
"Night-to-night -- really, day-to-day -- it may come in dreams. Themes include rot, ruin, despair, withering, along with the more common themes death, slaughter, et cetera." Details unimportant, irritating. Everyone knew the details or they would not understand for her talking about them.
"More relevant is that while it seems that everything around you is falling apart and exposing a lie underneath, there are a very few encounters that you may have that suggest you are not alone in this realization. I did not seek them out -- I intended to wait it out as it was my understanding that it will pass in time -- but members of the Brood found me first. With repeated discussion I came to the realization that their attempts to encourage me in this direction had nothing to do with politics versus the 'welcome Covenants', or strategy. Impossible as it seems to anyone who is not on my end, I realize," she glanced up at the darkness.
"What happens is that a piece of what we all share -- what made us all 'Kindred' once we were Embraced -- comes forward and reminds you that you share something with others. No matter the lines you draw between clan or covenant or what external trinkets or status you value, you realize that there is a thing that links you to other vampires, passed down through the will and blood of the sire, and the thing has commonalities and provides its own level of understanding." She paused. "The Ordo Dracul methodology of one-on-one mentor-student teaching, while very effective for personal exploration, does not genuinely support an exploration of this greater commonality.
"Now that I've followed the path, I don't hear it the same way, no. There have been other evolutions since, but the Call itself is temporary.
"And that's as far down that road as I'll go with you, Immortal."
"I am not sure it is enough, Philosopher. Have you studied this Call objectively? Can you be sure, beyond a reasonable doubt, it is not a form of pyschic influence or telepathy? More importantly, can you be sure, beyond a reasonable doubt, it is not a spirit or other non-corporal or other-realm creature influencing you?" Hammond sighed. Sighed. It seemed terribly unlike an Immortal to sigh. She suspected showmanship. "I fear I sound like someone ready to light torches and call out pitchforks. I assure you I do not mean to be. However this group has been known as Belial's Brood for some time. Even if that name is hyperbole, it is not beyond the realm of expectation that an otherworldly entity is grouping together and influencing vampires it sees as ripe and molding them into something it wishes to do so via this Call."
Information-seeking. Espionage in the form of a not-trial.
"Certainly. I was Learnaean in my time, and had mastered the disciplined self-examination of the Mind. I spent many months examining myself during the Call, and there was no external effect on my mental faculties." She repeated it again for any truth-tellers: "I used the Merits of the Mind to examine myself thoroughly on a nightly and daily basis in search of an external influence. There was none. An examination of my aura will find that I appear not so different from the rest of you." Still pacing, maybe a little faster.
"And consider my perspective, Immortal: the fact is that it appears as though someone in the Dragons is targeting either me or else the Forsworn. Someone in the Ordo Dracul set the Moroi after me. Someone in the Ordo Dracul apparently has spread the word that I have a vendetta against the Dragons. I'm sure there are more hostilities being acted on already, and likely worse in the works. While you, Immortal, are clearly above that, my time in the Onyx has made it plain to me that many Dragons don't have your discipline. We have agreed I pursue the Great Work in an unusual way, and I have asserted that I have done nothing to harm the Dragons while in return someone in their number has attacked me rather than seek the knowledge that you have gained here.
"If I bring the Ordo Dracul an understanding of what I have become, it will not be done under duress. If the Ordo Dracul kill me, they will face the consequences of the act without my help."
"It is a terrible thing to destroy a Dragon," he answered after the appearance of deep consideration. "Each who have taken the Oaths, each that has risen above Slave has a unique perspective, a unique experience. Even the lowest of us are better than other vampires. To destroy one of us is only considered in the direst of circumstances as laid out by the Rites. The Moroi will be investigated. I am sure the Axe will re-double their efforts to get to the bottom of this, as it is a threat to the Ordo, that much is certain."
Hammond sat straighter. "By all measures here you are speaking true, and you are not showing signs of supernatural coercion or dominance. With no verifiable proof, we can at least table the issue of selling your soul to a devil, as they say. You have not, to your truthful knowing, interfered or harmed or attempted to bring to harm other Dragons. You have, via my interpretation, upheld the Great Oath and therefore not left the Ordo Dracul ... though you believed you had." He smirks, though not with any mirth. "Now it appears the hardest part of this. Figuring out if you have actually abandoned your Oath to the Mysteries."
Mycroft cocks and eyebrow. "You haven't tasted another vampire's blood since you took the Oath, have you?"