To the real world
i got my first credit card.. the cover of it reminds me of when i went to cali and layed my head down on the sand and hoped that i was going to be washed away to the sea. I cried last night like i never cried before in my life. i layed in bed piss off at the world for what it has done to me. Were am i? Why am i still here? how do i leave? those questions were runing in my head. i got my ears gauged to a 2 and the pain numbed my body for an hour or two. but i am here depressed more so than i was before i did it. i loook at this girls photo that she sent to me in the mail when i was with her.. her ex was right beside her side. i fucked up that relationship and i am fucking up this one. maybe im not ment for poeple maybe im not ment for this world. i told an nurse at my work to go fuck herself and im surpized i didn't get fired!! i blasted my angey rock music and shut myself away in a room and didn't want to leave. the world sux and i wish i would already killed myself before i look at the thing i let slip away. i still like this girl alot to this day.. i gave her a ring that i would be there forever and stay. I cant think of one word i could tell her in person..But enough of that.. i hope she knows that if she ever needs something she can call. i got to go back to the real world .