Stagnant water for vampires

[lex_of_green]

So another thing I’m learning on my internship is how to read mainstream fiction. I’ve never really done that before, you know? I’ve read a lot of comics and school books and science fiction and fantasy and game books, but never normal real-world fiction like the kind you can buy in grocery stores

Comments

[voey]

1. Becoming a vampire lets you eat people for food! (Which is good.)
2. Penises are ridiculously funny. You ARE one of the people who got to read/listen to my Emperor Palpatine story, right?
3. Turgid is a good word.
4. If your dad decides to become a coat-hanger based Cyberman, you should persuade him that Robbie could use some immortality too.

[lex_of_green]

You are on my list of people that should be cloned and/or become immortal, but you are also on my list of people likely to build the requisite robot body. Only your robot body would be made of wicker instead of coat-hangers.
(Can you make a sith penis out of wicker?)

And I can already eat people for food.

[batmiles]

You can make a penis out of anything. If it's longer than it's wide...

[voey]

...a wicker penis...

That's easy enough. But if it were to be functional for sexual purposes (and really, what's the point of a penis that's not functional for sexual purposes? There are MUCH more interesting ways to excrete waste...) it would probably require some wire on the inside, and require a careful concentric-ring sorta construction so the outer layers of wicker can extend...

...it would probably have to be wrapped in a condom or something to avoid splinters, but it'd come pre-ribbed. An electronic Erection switch would be convenient, but I'm not very good with electronics so it'll have to be a little wheel you turn to make it unfold but OOH! I could spring-load it!

This may or may not come up (no pun intended) when I do my Independent Study Sculpture semester.

[lex_of_green]

Just remember it's a sith penis, so it needs to shoot lightening.

[voey]

But I'm bad with electronics!

I may have to enlist the aid of our local techies.