[Fateverse Side Story: BB Bundle] Domestic
guerrilla post! when i get bored waiting for important people to return my calls, i write...
okay, THIS is more like the silliness i expected when i sat down to write 2.5. stupid uncooperative muses...
warnings: AU - Fateverse. sci-fi. borderline child neglect (Akiko is a...special kind of mother). some Rule63/het. language: pg-13 (for f*** and g**damn).
pairing: Lester/Akiko (Bullseye/Daken).
timeline: about four years after the end of 2.5.
disclaimer: marvel owns all the characters, i just made more alternate universe versions of them.
notes: 1) this is a 'good guys are bad, bad guys are good' AU. the Avengers roster is full of Thunderbolts. 2) i could start talking about how Daken supposedly survived his mother's death in utero because he already possessed Logan's healing factor. but it's really just simpler to say "i don't think Aki could have survived being a mother if her kids didn't fix up good-as-new." it may be slightly more honest to say "shutup, it's funnier this way."
Domestic
Akiko gets back from thwarting evildoers and opens her front door to a scene of childish screaming, laughter, and flying Cheerios.
She has no idea how this has become her life.
No, wait…
She got herself a pet superhero, married him, got pregnant, and let him talk her into keeping the wretched little monster. In fact, Lester had been so happy that she let him talk her into having another one a year and a half later. After that, she decided she needed adventure while Lester was busy being disgustingly domestic, so she joined his silly little Avenger friends.
And that is how this has become her life.
Michael scampers up to her and bounces, arms up expectantly. “Mommymommymommy!” he squeals happily.
“No,” Aki says. “Hell no. Mommy isn’t picking you up until you go scrub off your filthy little hands and face and change your shirt. While you’re doing that, Mommy is going to shout at Daddy for letting you have a goddamn food fight.”
Her son scampers for the bathroom.
In the kitchen, Lester and Helena are staring sheepishly at their toes.
“So, I just spent three hours clawing my way through hundreds of Tony Stark’s evil robots while Karla complained about not seeing her favorite drinking buddy anymore. And do I get to come home to a peaceful house and dinner on the table?”
Helena raises her hand.
“It was rhetorical. So. Cheerios. Chocolate syrup. Strawberry jelly. My nice clean kitchen. My freshly bathed children. My oak floors. Why did these things meet at projectile speeds?”
Helena stretches her hand higher.
“Yes?”
The four-year-old points. “Daddy started it.”
“Traitor,” Lester hisses under his breath.
Akiko glares at her husband. “Helena, go wash and change. If your brother’s managed to drown himself again, remember to put a towel under him when you pull him out this time. There was water damage last time, and Mommy doesn’t like that.”
Her daughter nods very seriously and runs off.
Lester tries an innocent smile.
“There are acceptable venues for food fights,” Aki says. “My nice clean house is not one of them. You know where the mop and bucket are. Once our evil little spawn are clean and dressed again, I’m taking them to Margie’s for burgers and fries and the biggest goddamn cup of coffee they serve. You can join us when my kitchen is clean again.”
“Yep, he was drownded!” Helena calls from down the hall.
“Drowned, sweetie,” Aki corrects. “There is no such word as ‘drownded.’ Hurry up, because Mommy desperately needs coffee.”
Lester tries a pout.
“Don’t even,” she huffs at him. “Start scrubbing, before the jelly and the chocolate syrup set. Call before you head out; if we’re done eating, we’ll just bring something back for you.”
Michael bounds down the hall again, clean and dressed and slightly damp. “Mommymommymommy!” he cries.
Sighing, she scoops him up onto her hip. “You wouldn’t drown so much if you ran less water when you wash up.”
Helena makes it halfway down the hall before she remembers to run back and switch off the bathroom light.
“Shoes,” says Aki.
Helena practically jumps into her sneakers. She insists on tying them herself, in spite of how lopsided they always end up. The important part is that her shoes stay on and she doesn’t trip over the laces.
“Door.”
The little blonde holds the door open for them, closes it behind them once they’re outside.
“Now, are you going to hold Mommy’s hand this time, or would you rather get run over again? It wasn’t very fun, was it? And your dress was ruined.”
Tiny fingers obediently clasp her own.
Akiko sighs again. “Mommy needs so much coffee, darlings. And maybe a bottle of bourbon. Watch out for the crack, Helena-”
“Or else I’ll trip an’ break my face open again,” Helena recites.
At least the children are easier to train than the husband. They learn the hard way, and they learn quickly because of it. Lester learns like a dog-left all alone at home for misbehavior. It almost makes him more indulgent with the monstrous little brats, but he isn’t conveniently self-repairing like they are, so there’s really nothing for it.
They get to Margie’s Diner and settle at their favorite booth. Their order is on the way, and Aki is just getting ready to take her first wonderful sip of java when something explodes a block away and her Avengers communicator goes off.
“Avengers Assemble!” cheers Helena. “Go, Mommy, go!”
“Fuck Mommy’s life,” Aki growls.
.End.
merianmoriarty has my formal permission to pimp my fics on various comms (if/when i ever abandon deviantART, i'll go ahead and join the comms myself and take care of getting things posted in the right places). no one has permission to re-post this ANYWHERE, but feel free to share or link.
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