family problems
wow i just realized how much my family is falling apart and how much stress we are all under. I am putting all the puzzle pieces together, and it all connects to my grandma.
Now, dont get me wrong, i love my grandma, but she puts so much stress on us all. Shes lived with us for at least 10 years now. We let her come live with us because she was getting to a point where she couldnt take care of herself, her house, or her yard in Durham. Also, it wasnt the safest place for her to be living alone, and we wanted her to be happy, since she was starting to slip into depression. We let her move in with us, and she has officially taken advantage of it. She relys on us for everything, like we have to babysit her 24/7. She wont stay home alone at night, she wont fix her own dinners, she wont even stay in the basement, her own personal "house." She is always asking where we are going, what we are doing, what we are going to do for meals and for her, and its not all her business what our plans. Half the time my family doesnt even know themselves. there are 4 kids all very active in different sports and activities, we eat when we can, thats all.
Its gotten out of hand. we have to take her EVERYWHERE with us and she relys on us to get her meals too, she has a car, a kitchen, and money. Put it together and she can get her own meals. Also, its hard to communicate with her. Shes lost most of her hearing, but refuses to wear a hearing aid. Its hard for us all to talk to her, her daughter, sister, etc. But she obviously must think since she cant hear well we cant either, so she says negative comments behind our back or under her breath, as if we dont here her. She can be very offinsive too, let me add, if she doesnt get her way or what not. She also has a snoring problem, and when we go on vacations she takes up a whole room for herself. We havea big family as it and sometimes we need that extra room. When we go to the beach, we have the biggest condo there, but we still have rooms with 3 people in it and then shes all alone in one.
I never really realized this was all the stress my mom had on her, i never realized how miserable it made my mom. I know my grandma gets on all our nerves but my mom the most, and my mom hasnt had the best past with her family either. It all ads up. My mom wrote my grandma a letter today explaining everything in a calm matter, since she cant talk to her without screaming so my grandma can actually hear. My mom has been going to a councler in order ot take care of this stress, and the councler told her to write her a letter with my dad, and the first one she wrote over a year ago and is just giving it to her now. None of us want to hurt her feelings but shes put us all in so much stress its tearing our family apart. If she doesnt become more independent, we are going to have to find other living arrangements for my grandma.
I also feel aweful for my dad, because hes in the middle of it all. He's being ripped in too directions, because he doesnt want to hurt his mothers feelings, i mean it IS his mother who raised him. But he also cant take the stress and its hurting him, my mom, and us kids. My mom told my dad, that if he doesnt work or talk with his mom, that my mom was going to leave and take the kids with her. How aweful would that be? I highly doubt it would ever happen because they love each other and i dont think my mom would do that...but i guess if it got out of hand even more that she just might, which is a scary thought to me.
My other family, like my aunt, have already said they cant accept my grandma into their house, not even for a week, think about it, weve had her for 10 years! she is rude to many people, whether she realizes it or not, and im sure she doesnt, but she is very rude and inconsiderate of others.
Well im going to wrap this up here, i might update after i find out what happens after we give her the letter.
Now, dont get me wrong, i love my grandma, but she puts so much stress on us all. Shes lived with us for at least 10 years now. We let her come live with us because she was getting to a point where she couldnt take care of herself, her house, or her yard in Durham. Also, it wasnt the safest place for her to be living alone, and we wanted her to be happy, since she was starting to slip into depression. We let her move in with us, and she has officially taken advantage of it. She relys on us for everything, like we have to babysit her 24/7. She wont stay home alone at night, she wont fix her own dinners, she wont even stay in the basement, her own personal "house." She is always asking where we are going, what we are doing, what we are going to do for meals and for her, and its not all her business what our plans. Half the time my family doesnt even know themselves. there are 4 kids all very active in different sports and activities, we eat when we can, thats all.
Its gotten out of hand. we have to take her EVERYWHERE with us and she relys on us to get her meals too, she has a car, a kitchen, and money. Put it together and she can get her own meals. Also, its hard to communicate with her. Shes lost most of her hearing, but refuses to wear a hearing aid. Its hard for us all to talk to her, her daughter, sister, etc. But she obviously must think since she cant hear well we cant either, so she says negative comments behind our back or under her breath, as if we dont here her. She can be very offinsive too, let me add, if she doesnt get her way or what not. She also has a snoring problem, and when we go on vacations she takes up a whole room for herself. We havea big family as it and sometimes we need that extra room. When we go to the beach, we have the biggest condo there, but we still have rooms with 3 people in it and then shes all alone in one.
I never really realized this was all the stress my mom had on her, i never realized how miserable it made my mom. I know my grandma gets on all our nerves but my mom the most, and my mom hasnt had the best past with her family either. It all ads up. My mom wrote my grandma a letter today explaining everything in a calm matter, since she cant talk to her without screaming so my grandma can actually hear. My mom has been going to a councler in order ot take care of this stress, and the councler told her to write her a letter with my dad, and the first one she wrote over a year ago and is just giving it to her now. None of us want to hurt her feelings but shes put us all in so much stress its tearing our family apart. If she doesnt become more independent, we are going to have to find other living arrangements for my grandma.
I also feel aweful for my dad, because hes in the middle of it all. He's being ripped in too directions, because he doesnt want to hurt his mothers feelings, i mean it IS his mother who raised him. But he also cant take the stress and its hurting him, my mom, and us kids. My mom told my dad, that if he doesnt work or talk with his mom, that my mom was going to leave and take the kids with her. How aweful would that be? I highly doubt it would ever happen because they love each other and i dont think my mom would do that...but i guess if it got out of hand even more that she just might, which is a scary thought to me.
My other family, like my aunt, have already said they cant accept my grandma into their house, not even for a week, think about it, weve had her for 10 years! she is rude to many people, whether she realizes it or not, and im sure she doesnt, but she is very rude and inconsiderate of others.
Well im going to wrap this up here, i might update after i find out what happens after we give her the letter.