...ouch...
Decided to leave the house last night for the first time since Christmas Eve (my brother's dog apparently needed walking at 2.30 a.m.) Knew it was a mistake.
Just as I left our cul-de-sac, I noticed a tracksuited youth taking a slash against a gable wall, before gingerly climbing over another wall and into someone's garden. Intrigued by this odd behaviour, I glanced back at the house in question when next it came into view (about thirty seconds later due to the circuitous nature of my route) to find the same bloke I'd spotted earlier vaulting the wall and pelting towards me at full speed.
Unsure if he was running towards me with murderous intent (and unwilling to stand in the way of a fleeing burglar even if he wasn't), I thought it prudent to alter my course and walk briskly homeward. Although he seemed a scrawny kid and much smaller than me, the fact that I was lugging a small Japanese dog around would not have counted in my favour had it become necessary to defend myself.
Within a few metres, however, he'd broken off his run and headed in the opposite direction. I craned my neck to watch him until he disappeared from view, then turned my head suddenly and...
WHACK!
...straight into a tree. Following established (by me, anyway) procedure in such cases, my train of thought progressed along the following lines...What the fuck...oh right, I've hit my head...I seem to be falling...that must have hurt, I better cry out...
I'd also dropped the leash and spooked the dog, although I managed to catch him by the simple expedient and running ahead and grabbing him as he passed. In fact, I ran the full forty-yard distance home, because as well as bashing my head against the tree, I'd also whacked my, well frankly, my cock, which hurt a hell of a lot more, and my natural inclination was to run it off.
Anyway, I managed to forestall the appearance of a bump by pressing a packet of Birds Eye frozen peas to my forehead. Didn't apply them to the lower injury, though. Partly for reasons of hygiene (I'm not entirely satisfied that the peas are out of circulation yet) and partly because it would have seemed uncomfortably redolent of being fellated by Captain Birds Eye (and while I have no doubt that there exists an entire sub-genre of internet pornography devoted to this very act, it's not a fantasy I have ever harboured.)
Just as I left our cul-de-sac, I noticed a tracksuited youth taking a slash against a gable wall, before gingerly climbing over another wall and into someone's garden. Intrigued by this odd behaviour, I glanced back at the house in question when next it came into view (about thirty seconds later due to the circuitous nature of my route) to find the same bloke I'd spotted earlier vaulting the wall and pelting towards me at full speed.
Unsure if he was running towards me with murderous intent (and unwilling to stand in the way of a fleeing burglar even if he wasn't), I thought it prudent to alter my course and walk briskly homeward. Although he seemed a scrawny kid and much smaller than me, the fact that I was lugging a small Japanese dog around would not have counted in my favour had it become necessary to defend myself.
Within a few metres, however, he'd broken off his run and headed in the opposite direction. I craned my neck to watch him until he disappeared from view, then turned my head suddenly and...
WHACK!
...straight into a tree. Following established (by me, anyway) procedure in such cases, my train of thought progressed along the following lines...What the fuck...oh right, I've hit my head...I seem to be falling...that must have hurt, I better cry out...
I'd also dropped the leash and spooked the dog, although I managed to catch him by the simple expedient and running ahead and grabbing him as he passed. In fact, I ran the full forty-yard distance home, because as well as bashing my head against the tree, I'd also whacked my, well frankly, my cock, which hurt a hell of a lot more, and my natural inclination was to run it off.
Anyway, I managed to forestall the appearance of a bump by pressing a packet of Birds Eye frozen peas to my forehead. Didn't apply them to the lower injury, though. Partly for reasons of hygiene (I'm not entirely satisfied that the peas are out of circulation yet) and partly because it would have seemed uncomfortably redolent of being fellated by Captain Birds Eye (and while I have no doubt that there exists an entire sub-genre of internet pornography devoted to this very act, it's not a fantasy I have ever harboured.)