(no subject)
So i saw four deaf guys on the metro last night as I headed to Gallery Pl-China Town, and it was fascinating to watch them interact and sign to each other. I didn't want to stare, but I found it so alluring. I don't know why.
In other news, I feel like I'm a creepy stalker. I can't stop thinking about it, and like I knew it would be hard when he was back but not this hard. It's weird, because I'm not necessarily depressed, or entirely sad about it...I just suddenly feel isolated. I can't explain this or why I feel like this. I fucking hate it.
I think the reason it sucks so much is because it's so ambiguous. We never really said it was over, just like we had never officially said we were on. But it was just that drunken phone call from him, and I feel like I want to have a real conversation, and not an international late night alcohol-induced phone chat. But, I feel like if I want to talk about it, then I seem crazy or clingy or something. To me it feels unresolved, but to him it could feel done and over with, but I feel he knows it's not. I also think that once I'm apart for a few months, I'll really have time to clear my head and just be able to fully move on. And then...I don't want to leave without talking.
Mm, so many emotions and feelings and I hate them all.
In other news, I feel like I'm a creepy stalker. I can't stop thinking about it, and like I knew it would be hard when he was back but not this hard. It's weird, because I'm not necessarily depressed, or entirely sad about it...I just suddenly feel isolated. I can't explain this or why I feel like this. I fucking hate it.
I think the reason it sucks so much is because it's so ambiguous. We never really said it was over, just like we had never officially said we were on. But it was just that drunken phone call from him, and I feel like I want to have a real conversation, and not an international late night alcohol-induced phone chat. But, I feel like if I want to talk about it, then I seem crazy or clingy or something. To me it feels unresolved, but to him it could feel done and over with, but I feel he knows it's not. I also think that once I'm apart for a few months, I'll really have time to clear my head and just be able to fully move on. And then...I don't want to leave without talking.
Mm, so many emotions and feelings and I hate them all.