I'm not offended at all; I'm grateful for the advice. I think you're right about seeing this as a new opportunity to explore a new part of my life. The problem is that I tend to get down on myself in the best of times, and this is coming after a bad romantic misadventure that cut my legs out from under me. I know logically that this can be a good thing; like they say about Hecate: "She doesn't always grant you what you asked for, but she'll always give you what you need, whether you want it or not." I have no desire to eternally live in my 20's-- rotten with confusion and pressures to do something-- I'm happy to have earned some wisdom by now, and I know, once I've nailed down something, a moderately stable ice flow to jump to, I'll be able to look forward and stop wallowing in despair.
I've also got a bum leg/back and way too much printed material, but I'm actually OK with those things; by this age I know a lot of my peers have much more serious issues. And having a kid... I've got to say, I think that must make you focus, make it necessary to zero in on the important things, that a lot of the jive must fade to background noise. We've never met but I know a lot of other people in roughly our age group (are we technically 'peers'?) who hate being parents and don't bother doing much; I get the impression, based solely on reading your LJ, that you actually like being a dad, and are committed to doing a good job.
Oh yeah, having a kid and taking it seriously really helps sort things out for you! I qualified "taking it seriously" because every day we read about or see people who have made kids but shouldn't have been allowed goldfish. I was dubious about getting married and being a dad because it meant the end of me being responsible for just me... not the loss of freedom so many overgrown boys moan about, but that if I screwed up, other people depended on me and would also pay the price. I developed this attitude when I was in the Army, where the principle is often made abundantly clear. My son is 18 now and has his challenges, but by and large he has become an interesting person who always surprises me. I am committed to doing a good job with him, I always was, and I want to see him on his way safely and well.
I hope things will get sorted out for you without delay.
I've also got a bum leg/back and way too much printed material, but I'm actually OK with those things; by this age I know a lot of my peers have much more serious issues. And having a kid... I've got to say, I think that must make you focus, make it necessary to zero in on the important things, that a lot of the jive must fade to background noise. We've never met but I know a lot of other people in roughly our age group (are we technically 'peers'?) who hate being parents and don't bother doing much; I get the impression, based solely on reading your LJ, that you actually like being a dad, and are committed to doing a good job.
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I qualified "taking it seriously" because every day we read about or see people who have made kids but shouldn't have been allowed goldfish.
I was dubious about getting married and being a dad because it meant the end of me being responsible for just me... not the loss of freedom so many overgrown boys moan about, but that if I screwed up, other people depended on me and would also pay the price.
I developed this attitude when I was in the Army, where the principle is often made abundantly clear.
My son is 18 now and has his challenges, but by and large he has become an interesting person who always surprises me.
I am committed to doing a good job with him, I always was, and I want to see him on his way safely and well.
I hope things will get sorted out for you without delay.
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