It looked a lot cooler in Fight Club
So i sit here wondering, what next???
Im broke. Finally. For the very first time in my life im behind in bills and dont have any money in my bank accounts. Wow... I thought i would love this feeling of randomness. I always wanted to worry about paying the bills..living off of 'last resorts'.
yet the saying "the grass is greener on the other side" kicks me in the face again. because its not.
I could ruin a lot of shit right now. including my credit. which is the MOST VITAL thing to me considering i want to get into the business world. Credits a big deal...im hoping i pull through with something. i doubt i can sell my car by the 20th...but we'll see what happens.
I got my rent paid off for the month so thats okay.
As if bills stacking up from months ago wern't bad enough, i've sickenly taken into consideration with my problem of drinking.
I have no extra money...so all the tips i've been making have been going towards my alcohol. Which means...i've been living off of gummy worms the past couple of weeks. Funny thing is im not even really hungry.
My parents finally sold the house.
Now im under this quite appetizing proposition of going with them because they are going to help me with school...finacially that is. I'd be a moron not to take it...
however. they are moving in the middle of nowhere. NOWHERE. My life revolves around the speed of things. the lights. the noise. the hype. i cant sit around doing nothing in the middle of nowhere. so...if i go i have to get a new car and have decided to come back here every other weekend. that sounds okay...right? yeah. deff. this way during the week i can focus on school and wont be tempted to leave. plus i love new surroundings so as long as i find a liquor store up there im all good. lol
My mind and heart already feel torn from this decision though. the things i love most in life are right here. Its not because i grew up in a 'big city' type enviornment either. i didnt. im actually from jacksonville...hick town i guess. Even as a kid i couldnt sit still. I dont know how to explain it...just for once in my life im finally happy and now things are falling apart it seems. Falling apart isnt the best way to discribe it...i guess, falling in place is a better way to put it. Shit happens...things change...people move on... I dont think this will change me in any way other then some type of inner growth.
It just rips at my insides to think of not seeing my 'friends' everynight....
Or going to a local show any night of the week, coming home at 7:30 in the morning just in time to get ready to go to work with a hang over...
No more...running into old enemies...
No more parties at warehouses...
No more SOB or Madsic shows...
No more lectures on love and life from Corey at work...
No more harassment from the funny guy at the Metro PCS phone store in Pompano...
No more riding the 10 bus and being scared of the homeless lady who threw me into a shelf at k-mart one time...
No more Charles grilled subs at the coral square mall...
No more perverted jokes from my boss...or business tips...or..just no more Dave...he is such an influence in my life...
No more places that remind me of "this time.." or "that time.." with my ex. those stupid buildings, stupid places, stupid things we did together... i hope its so much easier to forget once i leave
No more riding around in jennys car on a tuesday night picking up random strangers to get drunk with
No more arguing over whose turn it is to pay for beer
No more hang outs from Earnest
No more 6 day weekends...
No more 8 in the morning Dunkin donut runs because we are starvinggggg
No more Linda Rose getting angry at me and calling me bad names
No more escapades on the Rose families front lawn...oh man, did i have some good times there...
No more dorm room parties with random people just so i can be in a dorm, because i never had before
No more shitty seating at coral square amp. which gets me FURIOUS when they have great bands and a shitty venue
no more valerie. =(
the worst of all i must say. her and i had the BEST of times getting into trouble together.
she was such a bad influence on me, i couldnt of asked for a better friend.
oh my...
how in the hell am i gonna break this to her???
shes gonna break my skull in half.
it makes me so sad. shes been my backbone for everything for so long! i hope she understands im only doing this for the best interest in my education. .....
....im gonna miss those concerts with her the most.
the raw music. the beers. the sweat. our outfits. the weed. the bands. the sun burns.
we had some good times.
the time ahead of us shall be just as fun.
yeah...although this feels a little heart-wrenching (finally i cope a feeling) im sure this is the right thing to do. a fresh begining. a way to start things over...i already decided the drinking will stop once i move. oh, i hope im right.
-Sarah
Im broke. Finally. For the very first time in my life im behind in bills and dont have any money in my bank accounts. Wow... I thought i would love this feeling of randomness. I always wanted to worry about paying the bills..living off of 'last resorts'.
yet the saying "the grass is greener on the other side" kicks me in the face again. because its not.
I could ruin a lot of shit right now. including my credit. which is the MOST VITAL thing to me considering i want to get into the business world. Credits a big deal...im hoping i pull through with something. i doubt i can sell my car by the 20th...but we'll see what happens.
I got my rent paid off for the month so thats okay.
As if bills stacking up from months ago wern't bad enough, i've sickenly taken into consideration with my problem of drinking.
I have no extra money...so all the tips i've been making have been going towards my alcohol. Which means...i've been living off of gummy worms the past couple of weeks. Funny thing is im not even really hungry.
My parents finally sold the house.
Now im under this quite appetizing proposition of going with them because they are going to help me with school...finacially that is. I'd be a moron not to take it...
however. they are moving in the middle of nowhere. NOWHERE. My life revolves around the speed of things. the lights. the noise. the hype. i cant sit around doing nothing in the middle of nowhere. so...if i go i have to get a new car and have decided to come back here every other weekend. that sounds okay...right? yeah. deff. this way during the week i can focus on school and wont be tempted to leave. plus i love new surroundings so as long as i find a liquor store up there im all good. lol
My mind and heart already feel torn from this decision though. the things i love most in life are right here. Its not because i grew up in a 'big city' type enviornment either. i didnt. im actually from jacksonville...hick town i guess. Even as a kid i couldnt sit still. I dont know how to explain it...just for once in my life im finally happy and now things are falling apart it seems. Falling apart isnt the best way to discribe it...i guess, falling in place is a better way to put it. Shit happens...things change...people move on... I dont think this will change me in any way other then some type of inner growth.
It just rips at my insides to think of not seeing my 'friends' everynight....
Or going to a local show any night of the week, coming home at 7:30 in the morning just in time to get ready to go to work with a hang over...
No more...running into old enemies...
No more parties at warehouses...
No more SOB or Madsic shows...
No more lectures on love and life from Corey at work...
No more harassment from the funny guy at the Metro PCS phone store in Pompano...
No more riding the 10 bus and being scared of the homeless lady who threw me into a shelf at k-mart one time...
No more Charles grilled subs at the coral square mall...
No more perverted jokes from my boss...or business tips...or..just no more Dave...he is such an influence in my life...
No more places that remind me of "this time.." or "that time.." with my ex. those stupid buildings, stupid places, stupid things we did together... i hope its so much easier to forget once i leave
No more riding around in jennys car on a tuesday night picking up random strangers to get drunk with
No more arguing over whose turn it is to pay for beer
No more hang outs from Earnest
No more 6 day weekends...
No more 8 in the morning Dunkin donut runs because we are starvinggggg
No more Linda Rose getting angry at me and calling me bad names
No more escapades on the Rose families front lawn...oh man, did i have some good times there...
No more dorm room parties with random people just so i can be in a dorm, because i never had before
No more shitty seating at coral square amp. which gets me FURIOUS when they have great bands and a shitty venue
no more valerie. =(
the worst of all i must say. her and i had the BEST of times getting into trouble together.
she was such a bad influence on me, i couldnt of asked for a better friend.
oh my...
how in the hell am i gonna break this to her???
shes gonna break my skull in half.
it makes me so sad. shes been my backbone for everything for so long! i hope she understands im only doing this for the best interest in my education. .....
....im gonna miss those concerts with her the most.
the raw music. the beers. the sweat. our outfits. the weed. the bands. the sun burns.
we had some good times.
the time ahead of us shall be just as fun.
yeah...although this feels a little heart-wrenching (finally i cope a feeling) im sure this is the right thing to do. a fresh begining. a way to start things over...i already decided the drinking will stop once i move. oh, i hope im right.
-Sarah