Think Long
I guess it has been a while since I have posted anything of substance. Where to even begin? Fuck if I know, these past 4 weeks have been, without question, the best 4 weeks of my life. Through both big things and the little nuances that usually go unnoticed, I am more happy now than I have been in a while. It is odd...and it feels odd. I could do the whole characteristic, nostalgic recap - listing things in bullets as they happened, adding clever (or unclever) sidenotes as I go along - but I think I'll forgo all that business.
Rather, I will indulge in the other characteristic feature everyone seems to have in their livejournals (and I am certainly no exception) - the philosophical review of the thoughts and the events in my life, and my direction as of now.
If you know me, and chances are if you are reading this you do, then you know there is a lot of background shit going on in my life, aside from school. I don't mean to sound weak, or melodramatic, or deserving of pity - I don't want to be any of those things, and I hope I am not any of those things - but the divorce, paying for school, and general relationship with my parents, all of it is wearing on me in a big way. I think about it all the time, it keeps me up at night, and distracts me from school more than I want it to. I tell myself to just roll with it, take it as it comes, and get through it. It really isn't a big deal, the divorce, it is a necessary thing, but if only it could happen at a more 'opportune time' (if such a thing exists). I push it aside, my worrying, out of sight and mind, out of the scope of everyone. Maybe it is reactionary, who knows, but I have started to care less and less about the distant and semi-distant future. I am living more on the fly, enjoying things as they come up, enjoying the smaller things more, and appreciating the big things. I see people consumed with the future - the hows, whens, and whys - and on some level I pity them....though that comes off as arrogant. I don't doubt those individuals, in some ways I admire them, and I know they will get to wherever the hell they want to be. It's not for me though, I like life as an unpredictable adventure - let's me sleep better at night.
The whole mentality I am undertaking is still weird. Capturing it textually is difficult, I don't quite have the skill to write it down just yet, to really capture what it means to think the way I think. This mentality is in no way unique, but it is unique to me; it is in no way better, but it is working well for me. The central dogmas seems to work well, but I am finding the three ideals are only scratches on the surface of something deeper, more meaningful.
It's just speculation really, but I think that I've finally found my rhythm in everything...it'll just take some adjustments to get used to.
Rather, I will indulge in the other characteristic feature everyone seems to have in their livejournals (and I am certainly no exception) - the philosophical review of the thoughts and the events in my life, and my direction as of now.
If you know me, and chances are if you are reading this you do, then you know there is a lot of background shit going on in my life, aside from school. I don't mean to sound weak, or melodramatic, or deserving of pity - I don't want to be any of those things, and I hope I am not any of those things - but the divorce, paying for school, and general relationship with my parents, all of it is wearing on me in a big way. I think about it all the time, it keeps me up at night, and distracts me from school more than I want it to. I tell myself to just roll with it, take it as it comes, and get through it. It really isn't a big deal, the divorce, it is a necessary thing, but if only it could happen at a more 'opportune time' (if such a thing exists). I push it aside, my worrying, out of sight and mind, out of the scope of everyone. Maybe it is reactionary, who knows, but I have started to care less and less about the distant and semi-distant future. I am living more on the fly, enjoying things as they come up, enjoying the smaller things more, and appreciating the big things. I see people consumed with the future - the hows, whens, and whys - and on some level I pity them....though that comes off as arrogant. I don't doubt those individuals, in some ways I admire them, and I know they will get to wherever the hell they want to be. It's not for me though, I like life as an unpredictable adventure - let's me sleep better at night.
The whole mentality I am undertaking is still weird. Capturing it textually is difficult, I don't quite have the skill to write it down just yet, to really capture what it means to think the way I think. This mentality is in no way unique, but it is unique to me; it is in no way better, but it is working well for me. The central dogmas seems to work well, but I am finding the three ideals are only scratches on the surface of something deeper, more meaningful.
It's just speculation really, but I think that I've finally found my rhythm in everything...it'll just take some adjustments to get used to.