ugh.
Wow, i havent written in here in like 50 years. I guess because no one really seems to use livejournal anymore since myspace or whatever. Oh well, I'm writing anyway.
Well, just like a half an hour ago, i guess something happened with joeys car, and him and maggie called me to see if they could come to my house, and I was like half asleep when it happened... and like my dad is back for the first time, and i dont think he wants people there so i was like 'ehhhh' on the phone. So i guess Joey's pissed at me. Because I tried to talk to him and Maggie said that he didnt want to talk.
This really makes me upset, upset to the point that I was about to cry. I know its not a big deal, and this is me blowing things way out of proportion.. but I guess it's just built up stuff over the past few months. Me being lonely, feeling like i'm losing everyone, stress over school, the fact that i'm probably getting suspended, work shit, college stuff.. that makes me really scared. And I would rather Joey say that he was pissed at me than just ignore me altogether because I get enough of that shit from other people that I dont need it from my best friend. But whatever, I mean I would be pissed at me too if I had been in his situation, but i was like sleeping when they called and blah blah blah i already explained this.
But whatever... hmmm what else has been going on. Fucking college is weirding me out. Like other people are already getting recommendations from teachers and writing essays and shit, and I still dont know where I want to go. I guess i should look at schools that offer music management, I think Drexel does and thats not too far away.. But this seems like a decision that's going to impact that rest of my life, and I'm scared shitless. Not too mention, I dont want to move. I dont want to leave this all behind. That's why Drexel might be good because it is in Philly, so if i wanted to i could still live at home, and then drive up there every night.
So what else... Umm, the clint thing is fucking annoying. I basically told him again on sunday that I liked him and i didnt really get a straight answer back, but my way of saying so wasnt in a direct way either so who fucking knows. We like go through stages of hanging out for like 5 days straight, and then nothing. It's real strange, but i really like hanging out with him so i dont fucking know. I just wish this kind of thing could work out for me, instead of being unnecessarily complicated.. I dont even know anymore, I guess i should just stop trying to put myself out there, because its obviously not ending up right for me.. But who fucking knows. Why do I fall hard for people than not do anything about it? I mean what do I have to lose if I just went up to him and kissed him... Like if I made a complete ass of myself its not like I ever have to see him... But I would never do that.
Whatever, this is long, that was me venting...
Well, just like a half an hour ago, i guess something happened with joeys car, and him and maggie called me to see if they could come to my house, and I was like half asleep when it happened... and like my dad is back for the first time, and i dont think he wants people there so i was like 'ehhhh' on the phone. So i guess Joey's pissed at me. Because I tried to talk to him and Maggie said that he didnt want to talk.
This really makes me upset, upset to the point that I was about to cry. I know its not a big deal, and this is me blowing things way out of proportion.. but I guess it's just built up stuff over the past few months. Me being lonely, feeling like i'm losing everyone, stress over school, the fact that i'm probably getting suspended, work shit, college stuff.. that makes me really scared. And I would rather Joey say that he was pissed at me than just ignore me altogether because I get enough of that shit from other people that I dont need it from my best friend. But whatever, I mean I would be pissed at me too if I had been in his situation, but i was like sleeping when they called and blah blah blah i already explained this.
But whatever... hmmm what else has been going on. Fucking college is weirding me out. Like other people are already getting recommendations from teachers and writing essays and shit, and I still dont know where I want to go. I guess i should look at schools that offer music management, I think Drexel does and thats not too far away.. But this seems like a decision that's going to impact that rest of my life, and I'm scared shitless. Not too mention, I dont want to move. I dont want to leave this all behind. That's why Drexel might be good because it is in Philly, so if i wanted to i could still live at home, and then drive up there every night.
So what else... Umm, the clint thing is fucking annoying. I basically told him again on sunday that I liked him and i didnt really get a straight answer back, but my way of saying so wasnt in a direct way either so who fucking knows. We like go through stages of hanging out for like 5 days straight, and then nothing. It's real strange, but i really like hanging out with him so i dont fucking know. I just wish this kind of thing could work out for me, instead of being unnecessarily complicated.. I dont even know anymore, I guess i should just stop trying to put myself out there, because its obviously not ending up right for me.. But who fucking knows. Why do I fall hard for people than not do anything about it? I mean what do I have to lose if I just went up to him and kissed him... Like if I made a complete ass of myself its not like I ever have to see him... But I would never do that.
Whatever, this is long, that was me venting...