so, here's the deal...
migraine today... probably because of all of the things on my mind.
separate things that all work together to make me say "what the fuck?"
so, i'm writing them down.
ONE: my heart (literally not figuratively)
i have a heart condition. i have had surgery on it twice. my valve has been replaced once.
the cardiologists of the world (i think, perhaps just the US) have combined data from patients that have/have had my same condition and/or same surgery (the Ross procedure- also done in patients with Marfan syndrome) and have come up with what they call the "Z score." its basically an average number to explain the severity of each persons case. zero is the middle, normal range. 3 is when they start to get worried. my current "Z score" is 1.8, he guessed it would be 2. I have no idea how quickly or slowly this number changes. its my first one. so, i don't know how soon it will be before they start getting worried.
there are three factors that currently determine how things are going.
1. my replacement valve (aka conduit): they typically last about 10-14 years, from what i remember him saying. i had my valve replaced in 2000. so, i'm going on nine years. my cardiologist says mine is doing amazingly well, and really can't believe how well its doing. this means i could keep this valve for a pretty long time.(hopefully)
2. my aortic regurgitation (aka leaking): i have moderate leakage. he wishes he could say mild, but i have just enough extra to put me into the moderate category.
3. my aortic root growth: my current measurement is 42mm, and at 45mm is when they start getting worried.
so, here's the deal...
i will eventually need my valve replaced. i will eventually need my aortic root fixed. if my valve is still doing great, then i might just have the root fixed. but what if after the root is fixed, then i need my valve replaced? do i want to have two surgeries or do i want them both done at the same time?
and when i get my valve replaced, it will be replaced with a mechanical valve. this means blood thinners for the rest of my life. which means no having babies for me. so, i need to have babies before i have the replacement surgery. my cardiologist told me my pregnancy will have to planned, and that i will need a team of doctors including prenatal cardiologists. wtf?
the question is... when is my surgery going to be? when do i need to have babies?
this leads into...
TWO: school
i am all set to graduate with an associate's degree in interior design (minus the fact that i still need to get my credits from UA transferred over to Pima, which will take time...) whatever.
i do not want to be an interior designer. i never could see myself doing it. at least not for a living. and like i've said, with the economy the way it is, no one wants an interior designer.
so, i have pretty much decided to start an entirely new program (radiology technology). which means at least two more years at pima. the program begins in the summer, but you have to be accepted into the program before you can start. and before you can even fill out the application you have to complete some prerequisites. my math is done and i am currently enrolled in the medical terminology class. this leaves BIO201 (human anatomy and physiology) this class is restricted because of additional prereqs, that i do not have. so basically, i can not start this program until NEXT summer, which means another THREE years at pima.
so, over the course of six years at a community college including one semester at a university i will have two associates degrees.
the question is... how do i feel about this? i wish i didn't care, but i kind of do. but then i look around in my classes at all of these older people that have come back to school, so i think why not do it all now and so what if it takes me a really long time?
also, after i finish the program, i want to pursue a bachelors in vascular technology at the oregon institute of technology in klamath falls. its along the same lines as rad tech but it deals specifically with ultrasounds and using them to help diagnose heart conditions. i have had this specific procedure used on me every six months or more since i was nine. this is mostly the reason i want to go in this field. because i have experience and i want to work in pediatric cardiology.
this would mean and additional two years at OIT plus a one year externship. so, basically nine years of schooling. wtf?
the question is... should i spend just one more year at pima finishing some prereqs and move to oregon? or complete the program, get the degree so i can work in the field while i go to school in oregon?
so here's the deal: what the fuck am i doing with my life?
these are some questions that keep me awake at night.
separate things that all work together to make me say "what the fuck?"
so, i'm writing them down.
ONE: my heart (literally not figuratively)
i have a heart condition. i have had surgery on it twice. my valve has been replaced once.
the cardiologists of the world (i think, perhaps just the US) have combined data from patients that have/have had my same condition and/or same surgery (the Ross procedure- also done in patients with Marfan syndrome) and have come up with what they call the "Z score." its basically an average number to explain the severity of each persons case. zero is the middle, normal range. 3 is when they start to get worried. my current "Z score" is 1.8, he guessed it would be 2. I have no idea how quickly or slowly this number changes. its my first one. so, i don't know how soon it will be before they start getting worried.
there are three factors that currently determine how things are going.
1. my replacement valve (aka conduit): they typically last about 10-14 years, from what i remember him saying. i had my valve replaced in 2000. so, i'm going on nine years. my cardiologist says mine is doing amazingly well, and really can't believe how well its doing. this means i could keep this valve for a pretty long time.(hopefully)
2. my aortic regurgitation (aka leaking): i have moderate leakage. he wishes he could say mild, but i have just enough extra to put me into the moderate category.
3. my aortic root growth: my current measurement is 42mm, and at 45mm is when they start getting worried.
so, here's the deal...
i will eventually need my valve replaced. i will eventually need my aortic root fixed. if my valve is still doing great, then i might just have the root fixed. but what if after the root is fixed, then i need my valve replaced? do i want to have two surgeries or do i want them both done at the same time?
and when i get my valve replaced, it will be replaced with a mechanical valve. this means blood thinners for the rest of my life. which means no having babies for me. so, i need to have babies before i have the replacement surgery. my cardiologist told me my pregnancy will have to planned, and that i will need a team of doctors including prenatal cardiologists. wtf?
the question is... when is my surgery going to be? when do i need to have babies?
this leads into...
TWO: school
i am all set to graduate with an associate's degree in interior design (minus the fact that i still need to get my credits from UA transferred over to Pima, which will take time...) whatever.
i do not want to be an interior designer. i never could see myself doing it. at least not for a living. and like i've said, with the economy the way it is, no one wants an interior designer.
so, i have pretty much decided to start an entirely new program (radiology technology). which means at least two more years at pima. the program begins in the summer, but you have to be accepted into the program before you can start. and before you can even fill out the application you have to complete some prerequisites. my math is done and i am currently enrolled in the medical terminology class. this leaves BIO201 (human anatomy and physiology) this class is restricted because of additional prereqs, that i do not have. so basically, i can not start this program until NEXT summer, which means another THREE years at pima.
so, over the course of six years at a community college including one semester at a university i will have two associates degrees.
the question is... how do i feel about this? i wish i didn't care, but i kind of do. but then i look around in my classes at all of these older people that have come back to school, so i think why not do it all now and so what if it takes me a really long time?
also, after i finish the program, i want to pursue a bachelors in vascular technology at the oregon institute of technology in klamath falls. its along the same lines as rad tech but it deals specifically with ultrasounds and using them to help diagnose heart conditions. i have had this specific procedure used on me every six months or more since i was nine. this is mostly the reason i want to go in this field. because i have experience and i want to work in pediatric cardiology.
this would mean and additional two years at OIT plus a one year externship. so, basically nine years of schooling. wtf?
the question is... should i spend just one more year at pima finishing some prereqs and move to oregon? or complete the program, get the degree so i can work in the field while i go to school in oregon?
so here's the deal: what the fuck am i doing with my life?
these are some questions that keep me awake at night.