this is the day i set it free...this is the day i forget..this is the day i let out my pain...
Dear Everybody Who Reads My Journal,
Let me remind you whos journal this is, its mine. I can express what i want, say what i want, and feel how i want. Be with who i want, be friends with who i want, and tell, what i want. Right now, I dont want to die. (but thanks andrew for the fantastic idea) If i did, it would be destiny and there would be nothing else to say. Some would miss me, some wouldnt, and im about to the point where thats fine. If someone doesnt want to be my friend, just say it, and shut the fuck up. If you want me out of your life, just say it, dont carry it on and pretend like you want to just to not hurt my feelings. My friends mean alot to me, and when people say that one of my very best friends in the world ruined my life, ill defend it in any way possible (even if it makes no sense at all, which usually happens, and i apologize for that) YES people can change your life (happy ror?) but that doesnt mean its all them. You do contribute and you do make your own decisions and thats just the way the world works, id rather just let it work, then argue about how life is personally but some people know just how to rile me up and piss me off to the point where ill say just about anything to attempt to prove a point when it really makes no fucking sense at all. In my life ive gone through a lot, and nobody knows this more than me. And i know ive lived through alot of things normal teenagers live through also, but there are alot that 95% havent lived through, and i think its been good for me. Yes i am going through a rough spot in my life, and rory, i do understand why you wanted to just separate from me, it was your decision, your life, and youre just trying to be happier and make it better and i understand that. And im sorry for how ive been acting or anything of that nature. Ive just been on edge, uptight, and just trying to be happy no matter what. It may not be working but im gonna try at it till something good comes along, thats just how i am. Its not tylers fault though, for how ive been, its my own. I choose to smoke, and skip, and do what i do, not his. hes never forced me in any way, shape, or form. and people should give him credit for that. I love tyler. He is one of my very best friends and if people just cant accept that then they can throw in their two cents and leave me alone about it. Because its my life, and im going to do what i feel is necissary for me. I may be dependant on people, but not as bad as everybody thinks, or maybe its just Rory that thinks that, I dont know. But im needy, and i like being around people and if that makes me dependant, then so be it, but its how i decide to live my life, it shouldnt matter to you ror, you chose not to be in it anymore. Youve moved on and im happy for you. There are problems in my family, and in school, and with my emotions and with my friends. And ive been going to counseling, and therapy, and doctors, and just trying to figure out whats going on, because 90% of the time, i have no idea why i feel the way i do. Its not that im just sitting back all day smoking weed and having a free for all, but does anybody say "Tiff..what is going on?" NOPE, DIDNT THINK SO so you awesome 'friends' of mine, just assume what you want and bitch at me like its gonna make things better. But i hate to tell you, it doesnt. SO TELL ME TO KILL MYSELF. God andrew youre an amazing kid, everybody wants to be your friend. Ill say ive been more cynical, bitchy, on edge, and ready to jump lately. and i dont know why. ive found this new self confidence where ill stand up to anyone with no problem. I feel bad, then i get pissed again. Its terrible and they think im bi-polar, i dont know whats wrong with me, but for all you kids being assholes to me and teasing me and being jerk offs, ill be sure to tell you right away so you can back the fuck off. Just leave it alone. Leave me alone. And im not writing in this anymore.
bye
<3Tiff
ill leave you with some Pink Floyd <3
Hello,
Is there anybody in there
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone at home
Come on now
I hear you're feeling down
I can ease your pain
And get you on your feet again
Relax
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts
There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably numb
O.K.
Just a little pin prick
There'll be no more aaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go.
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
And I have become
Comfortably numb.
Let me remind you whos journal this is, its mine. I can express what i want, say what i want, and feel how i want. Be with who i want, be friends with who i want, and tell, what i want. Right now, I dont want to die. (but thanks andrew for the fantastic idea) If i did, it would be destiny and there would be nothing else to say. Some would miss me, some wouldnt, and im about to the point where thats fine. If someone doesnt want to be my friend, just say it, and shut the fuck up. If you want me out of your life, just say it, dont carry it on and pretend like you want to just to not hurt my feelings. My friends mean alot to me, and when people say that one of my very best friends in the world ruined my life, ill defend it in any way possible (even if it makes no sense at all, which usually happens, and i apologize for that) YES people can change your life (happy ror?) but that doesnt mean its all them. You do contribute and you do make your own decisions and thats just the way the world works, id rather just let it work, then argue about how life is personally but some people know just how to rile me up and piss me off to the point where ill say just about anything to attempt to prove a point when it really makes no fucking sense at all. In my life ive gone through a lot, and nobody knows this more than me. And i know ive lived through alot of things normal teenagers live through also, but there are alot that 95% havent lived through, and i think its been good for me. Yes i am going through a rough spot in my life, and rory, i do understand why you wanted to just separate from me, it was your decision, your life, and youre just trying to be happier and make it better and i understand that. And im sorry for how ive been acting or anything of that nature. Ive just been on edge, uptight, and just trying to be happy no matter what. It may not be working but im gonna try at it till something good comes along, thats just how i am. Its not tylers fault though, for how ive been, its my own. I choose to smoke, and skip, and do what i do, not his. hes never forced me in any way, shape, or form. and people should give him credit for that. I love tyler. He is one of my very best friends and if people just cant accept that then they can throw in their two cents and leave me alone about it. Because its my life, and im going to do what i feel is necissary for me. I may be dependant on people, but not as bad as everybody thinks, or maybe its just Rory that thinks that, I dont know. But im needy, and i like being around people and if that makes me dependant, then so be it, but its how i decide to live my life, it shouldnt matter to you ror, you chose not to be in it anymore. Youve moved on and im happy for you. There are problems in my family, and in school, and with my emotions and with my friends. And ive been going to counseling, and therapy, and doctors, and just trying to figure out whats going on, because 90% of the time, i have no idea why i feel the way i do. Its not that im just sitting back all day smoking weed and having a free for all, but does anybody say "Tiff..what is going on?" NOPE, DIDNT THINK SO so you awesome 'friends' of mine, just assume what you want and bitch at me like its gonna make things better. But i hate to tell you, it doesnt. SO TELL ME TO KILL MYSELF. God andrew youre an amazing kid, everybody wants to be your friend. Ill say ive been more cynical, bitchy, on edge, and ready to jump lately. and i dont know why. ive found this new self confidence where ill stand up to anyone with no problem. I feel bad, then i get pissed again. Its terrible and they think im bi-polar, i dont know whats wrong with me, but for all you kids being assholes to me and teasing me and being jerk offs, ill be sure to tell you right away so you can back the fuck off. Just leave it alone. Leave me alone. And im not writing in this anymore.
bye
<3Tiff
ill leave you with some Pink Floyd <3
Hello,
Is there anybody in there
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone at home
Come on now
I hear you're feeling down
I can ease your pain
And get you on your feet again
Relax
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts
There is no pain, you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain, you would not understand
This is not how I am
I have become comfortably numb
O.K.
Just a little pin prick
There'll be no more aaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working, good
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go.
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship smoke on the horizon
You are only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying
When I was a child
I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown
The dream is gone
And I have become
Comfortably numb.