oh my god
i'm so upset.
jeeze. anyone ever notice how right when things start getting good, you hit that infamous downfall slope again?
so i get out of the shower and i go to my moms room to borrow her blow dryer and she says she wants to talk to me and that i'm not in trouble or anything.
she says that a month ago someone saw me at steak n shake and heard me say "man this E really messes me up"
and i was obviously under the influence of ecstasy. fucking bullshit.
first off....i don't do that shit. never had and never will.
second off...she said it was a kidd who told her this...not an adult. that's such shit.
i don't even know what to think. i hope she believes me. i'm trying so hard to stay clean and everyone who spends any time with me at all knows that.
fucking last night brian and ryan called me to go smoke out with them and i said no and sat at home and read instead. whateva. i wish she knew how hard i've been trying and how hard it is to stay clean. everyday from the moment i wake up til the second my eyes close at night i crave and crave and someone in the back of my head reminds me that there is a "magic" pill that can get rid of this torment. i haven't even been able to sleep much at night because of this and it really fucking sucks.
but i know that one day it'll be gone. i'll be clean and life will [hopefully] be easier.
i wish i knew who said this to her. grr.
jeeze. anyone ever notice how right when things start getting good, you hit that infamous downfall slope again?
so i get out of the shower and i go to my moms room to borrow her blow dryer and she says she wants to talk to me and that i'm not in trouble or anything.
she says that a month ago someone saw me at steak n shake and heard me say "man this E really messes me up"
and i was obviously under the influence of ecstasy. fucking bullshit.
first off....i don't do that shit. never had and never will.
second off...she said it was a kidd who told her this...not an adult. that's such shit.
i don't even know what to think. i hope she believes me. i'm trying so hard to stay clean and everyone who spends any time with me at all knows that.
fucking last night brian and ryan called me to go smoke out with them and i said no and sat at home and read instead. whateva. i wish she knew how hard i've been trying and how hard it is to stay clean. everyday from the moment i wake up til the second my eyes close at night i crave and crave and someone in the back of my head reminds me that there is a "magic" pill that can get rid of this torment. i haven't even been able to sleep much at night because of this and it really fucking sucks.
but i know that one day it'll be gone. i'll be clean and life will [hopefully] be easier.
i wish i knew who said this to her. grr.