[PRIVATE] Where is your pleasure now Johnny, where has your pleasure gone now?
So everyone is apparently convinced that John is ... changed? Different? Weird(er)? I dunno.
I have to admit, a small part of me wants to say 'Good! Let him be drugged up and potentially suicidal too! He brought it on himself! He's his own worst enemy!' but of course part of me wants nothing more than to go to his room, throw myself into his arms and kiss him until maybe part of him starts to feel something for me that isn't lies.
I love him. There's no getting around it. There's no denying it. I still love him. My heart still races when I think about him and it still breaks when I think of him, too. I want to cry and I want to feel nothing, all at the same time.
Still, we're supposed to be friends. We were friends before and while I don't know if I can handle being friends with him in the future, right now maybe he NEEDS a friend. And what kind of person am I if I turn away when he needs me as a friend, just because I'm hurt that he chose someone else over me?
Life was so much easier in high school.
Fuck.
I have to admit, a small part of me wants to say 'Good! Let him be drugged up and potentially suicidal too! He brought it on himself! He's his own worst enemy!' but of course part of me wants nothing more than to go to his room, throw myself into his arms and kiss him until maybe part of him starts to feel something for me that isn't lies.
I love him. There's no getting around it. There's no denying it. I still love him. My heart still races when I think about him and it still breaks when I think of him, too. I want to cry and I want to feel nothing, all at the same time.
Still, we're supposed to be friends. We were friends before and while I don't know if I can handle being friends with him in the future, right now maybe he NEEDS a friend. And what kind of person am I if I turn away when he needs me as a friend, just because I'm hurt that he chose someone else over me?
Life was so much easier in high school.
Fuck.