(no subject)
well... it's been quite a while yet again. i have no access to a computer, as usual. so much shit has gone on in so little time, just as it always does, as well as so little goes on in so long as well... but no, this was an exciting week. for starters mommy dearest caught me under mike's bed.... fucking bitch!!!!! it seems as though she is making it her porogotive to stand in the way of mike and i being together. i mean c'mon, he's 18 fucking years old for christs sake. but anyways, she was just about the second most immature acting adult i've seen in my entire life, the first of course being my mother, and seriously think she needs mental help! so mike told me to wait at the park as long as it took, and that he's come and get me, it took all night because he thought i'd try and sneak in again, he was even sweet enough to leave a note. it seems that whenever there is extreme stress or emtional turmoil, that mike and i's relationship only gets better and better. there was also this huge big thing with casey, and how i thought i had feelings for him. boy was i a fucking dumbass. before recently, mike wasn't quite himself, not quite treating me right either, because he had this incredible rage from all of the goddamn stress janet puts upon him. the way he treated me only made me bitchier, so my fucking out of control mind ran it's old familiar track of stealing boyfriends from stephi, even though i really didn't want to leave in the first place, i was unhappy because of unfortunate circumstance. god was i so fucking blind, i didn't even stop to think that maybe the reason mike was being so seemingly cruel was because of environmental factors, not because he didn't love me anymore (that thought ran across my mind more than a few times). it was very painful because these "feelings" didn't feel natural, or right. i was so fucking sub-conciously desperate to seek men who would treat me better, i developed false feelings twords the only other guy i knew. now in hindsight i can not see what made me attracted to him at all. casey's terribly bland in personality compared to mike, plus, i don't even find casey physically attractive at all. i told mike about this because i wanted to be honest, and as soon as it was off my chest my "feelings" for casey quickly discepated. and oh my fucking god, mike and i's relationship is flourishing! there were some rough patches soon after, any situation such as that desearves a bloody aftermath, but from the darkest came the most beautiful dawn one could glace at for no more than a second due to it's shining beauty too intense to expose to those who were not born in to it. mike trusts me now, and is treating me like a princess. i wrote him two poems yesterday, a dirty one, and a lovey one. i just can't wait to read him that lovey one!!! it's so beautiful i think i might cry while mid recital. mike and i were up all night last night talking and are continuing to build this extremely strong bond as a couple. everyhting's more passionate now, too. we hold hands more, we kiss more, we sensually touch each other more, and simply show each other how we care as often as we can. i'm feeling more in love with him now than on the day we confessed our love to one another, and it's only growing to proportions never thought imaginable to occupy my heart.