the party and the things in my head....
went to derek's party.... that was fun.... I'm still being bad on my arm.... I got invited to another party.... (yay me! lol) uncle lenny is staying at grandma's too therefore I have to sleep in grandma's room on the floor (which I am stll yet to understand but what the hey).... I miss mom already just cuz I miss being able to just, be home.... instead of constantly having people over, and people around to talk to.... that was my problem at aunt cindy's too.... it drove me nuts to have all these questions thrown at me, I'm so use to not having to talk to ne one that it just.... I dont know annoyed me I guess you could say.... but I think it was more than that.... I still cant explain why I do this to myself.... why I torture myself.... it's all I ever do.... I want to talk to someone who'll listen and wont judge me.... I want to talk to someone who'll understand that I might stop talking and they'll have to not mind (or at least not say that they mind).... I just need someone other than my own damn head to spill out these thoughts to.... it's too much for one person to handle to be thinking like this.... I dont think derek gets it, I had a blast really I did, it's just at times it gets to be.... too much, too many people, too much going on.... I dont know.... I feel that I need to be analysed by a professional.... I miss being understood.... fuck I miss understanding myself! and why I think this why why I do these things.... I just DONT GET IT DAMN IT....