Spork
I found this Harry Potter fic, it's awful, so of course I will make fun of it.
A/N: hermione's point of view - - written in 1st person
‘How did this happen?’ I asked to myself, ‘there is now way this could have happened. I was only a little drunk; I hope the author of this fanfiction was too there is no way I got pregnant. Is there?’ Something tells me there is
‘Oh, my stomach...it hurts so much. I think I’m gonna...’escape this terrible fic while i still have the chance. ZOOM!
I did. I ran strait straight requires you to type two more letters and you don't look like a jackass. to the bathroom and puked. why is this the only sign of pregnancy that ever shows up in bad fanfictions?
A/N: draco's point of view - - written in third person
Draco was walking down the halls doing his Head Boy duties patrolling after hours when he heard someone puking. The sound made him curious and curiosity was his middle name. Of course it is, Draco Mary Sue Curiosity Malfoy.
He followed the sound all the way to the girls bathroom...normally he wouldn’t have entered or dared think of entering, but he needed this fic to move forward so he decides to go watch a girl puke cause that wouldn't make the poor girls situation worse. but everyone was sound asleep and he just HAD to know who was puking at 12:00am. because curiosity was his middle name after all.
He silently opened the door though he usually sung opera when he opened bathroom doors and peaked in the stall and the girl screamed. "You foul beast!" and hit him with a stunning spell for being a peeping tom. The end....in which a bushy, brown-haired witch was puking her guts out in the toilet.
A/N: hermione's point of view - - written in 1st person
“Granger?” I heard someone say from behind the door. I sucked in my breath and tried to ignore that nasty taste in my mouth from puking.
I turned around and saw Draco Malfoy looking right at me. "You foul beast" I cried out and hit him with a stunning spell which bounced off him and hit my stomach and the baby died, it was for the better, really, look at this train wreck and that was the end.
“Malfoy? What the hell are you doing here?!” I asked pissed that he saw me puking my guts out. Is this the only way the author knows to describe puking?
“I...I was on duty...and”
“Doesn’t look like your on duty now.” That doesn't even make sense.
“What has gotten into you?” Some bad fish, but now it's getting out of me, har har har.
I was taken aback...Malfoy didn’t sound mean, he sounded concern. How does one sound "concern?"
“I...I...erm”
“Are you sick?” Draco-sue said, knowing the truth, but easing into it.
"No I'm feeling perfectly well. Thanks for asking. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to leave because well this is strange seeing as how it's a girl's bathroom and you've hated me the entire series."
“Uh...if you call me she's irish condition a disease, then yes, I am sick.” I retorted.
“It’s true?” Draco asked me.
“What is?” I asked eyes widening. ‘Who knew? Who told? Who spread it?’
“It’s been going around the entire school, that...well, that you are...pregnant.” Draco confessed.
I looked down at the floor, but Draco lifted my chin up and looked me in the eyes and said, “I will always be here for you, Hermione.” And...and, oh it was too good to be true. He kissed me. WHAT! Please, please don't rape my favorite books. This makes no sense. None. I can't even wrap my head around how much sense this doesn't make.
His lips so soft and sweet. His touch so gentle and caring. His skin so radiant. Draco-sue is part veela.
I fell into his arms and kissed him passionately. ignoring the fact that i just threw up.
We finally came up for air from our diving excursion.
“Draco, I...I lo...” I couldn’t say it, since we hated each other exactly 4 minutes ago, and this story doesn't make sense. I know he just kissed me, but he had kissed many other girls too. How could I know he truly loved me back? uh oh, it's coming. wait for it...wait for it
(Is it in his eyes?)
Oh no! You need to see!
(Is it in his size?)
Oh no! You make believe!
If you wanna know
If he loves you so
Its in his kiss!
(That's where it is!)
Thank you Betty Everett
“I love you, Hermione, my angel.” Draco said.
And I knew it was true, yes, it was fast, but I had had this feeling every since first term. I always caught him looking at me. and looking is a sign of love.
I smiled and...and...and fainted. what? The pressure, the child, the love...it was too much. I...JUST...CAN'T...HANDLE...
A/N: still in hermione's point of view - - written in first person
I awoke in a dark chamber of secrets. The pillow and mattress that I was laying in was oh, so comfortable. I didn't want to move. I wish I could just lie there forever. But, I had to know where I was.
snip snip, really bad explanation of the place and her nightie
I meant to get up without waking him, but then I had that same barfing feeling and I threw up over the side of the bed. It woke him up and he was at my side, rubbing my back and comforting me, something Ron never would have done. Hey, that's too far. Don't you insult Ron It's on fanfiction writer its on.. He would have just sat and watched me suffer.pffft..
Draco cleaned up the mess with his wand when I was done and he pulled me close to him. His warm body was so nice to be next to. He held me in his arms and gently rocked me.
"Draco...thank you for...everything." I said weakly.
"Shh, now, you need your rest. It has only been three hours. Tell me in the morning, my love."
'My love, my love, my love' he had really spoken those exact words. It wasn't a dream, it was real. I couldn't believe it. I did as he has told me to do. I went straight to sleep. A very peaceful sleep next tomy love.
excuse me while i go throw up a little bit. oh wait, i might be pregnant.
A/N: hermione's point of view - - written in 1st person
‘How did this happen?’ I asked to myself, ‘there is now way this could have happened. I was only a little drunk; I hope the author of this fanfiction was too there is no way I got pregnant. Is there?’ Something tells me there is
‘Oh, my stomach...it hurts so much. I think I’m gonna...’escape this terrible fic while i still have the chance. ZOOM!
I did. I ran strait straight requires you to type two more letters and you don't look like a jackass. to the bathroom and puked. why is this the only sign of pregnancy that ever shows up in bad fanfictions?
A/N: draco's point of view - - written in third person
Draco was walking down the halls doing his Head Boy duties patrolling after hours when he heard someone puking. The sound made him curious and curiosity was his middle name. Of course it is, Draco Mary Sue Curiosity Malfoy.
He followed the sound all the way to the girls bathroom...normally he wouldn’t have entered or dared think of entering, but he needed this fic to move forward so he decides to go watch a girl puke cause that wouldn't make the poor girls situation worse. but everyone was sound asleep and he just HAD to know who was puking at 12:00am. because curiosity was his middle name after all.
He silently opened the door though he usually sung opera when he opened bathroom doors and peaked in the stall and the girl screamed. "You foul beast!" and hit him with a stunning spell for being a peeping tom. The end....in which a bushy, brown-haired witch was puking her guts out in the toilet.
A/N: hermione's point of view - - written in 1st person
“Granger?” I heard someone say from behind the door. I sucked in my breath and tried to ignore that nasty taste in my mouth from puking.
I turned around and saw Draco Malfoy looking right at me. "You foul beast" I cried out and hit him with a stunning spell which bounced off him and hit my stomach and the baby died, it was for the better, really, look at this train wreck and that was the end.
“Malfoy? What the hell are you doing here?!” I asked pissed that he saw me puking my guts out. Is this the only way the author knows to describe puking?
“I...I was on duty...and”
“Doesn’t look like your on duty now.” That doesn't even make sense.
“What has gotten into you?” Some bad fish, but now it's getting out of me, har har har.
I was taken aback...Malfoy didn’t sound mean, he sounded concern. How does one sound "concern?"
“I...I...erm”
“Are you sick?” Draco-sue said, knowing the truth, but easing into it.
"No I'm feeling perfectly well. Thanks for asking. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to leave because well this is strange seeing as how it's a girl's bathroom and you've hated me the entire series."
“Uh...if you call me she's irish condition a disease, then yes, I am sick.” I retorted.
“It’s true?” Draco asked me.
“What is?” I asked eyes widening. ‘Who knew? Who told? Who spread it?’
“It’s been going around the entire school, that...well, that you are...pregnant.” Draco confessed.
I looked down at the floor, but Draco lifted my chin up and looked me in the eyes and said, “I will always be here for you, Hermione.” And...and, oh it was too good to be true. He kissed me. WHAT! Please, please don't rape my favorite books. This makes no sense. None. I can't even wrap my head around how much sense this doesn't make.
His lips so soft and sweet. His touch so gentle and caring. His skin so radiant. Draco-sue is part veela.
I fell into his arms and kissed him passionately. ignoring the fact that i just threw up.
We finally came up for air from our diving excursion.
“Draco, I...I lo...” I couldn’t say it, since we hated each other exactly 4 minutes ago, and this story doesn't make sense. I know he just kissed me, but he had kissed many other girls too. How could I know he truly loved me back? uh oh, it's coming. wait for it...wait for it
(Is it in his eyes?)
Oh no! You need to see!
(Is it in his size?)
Oh no! You make believe!
If you wanna know
If he loves you so
Its in his kiss!
(That's where it is!)
Thank you Betty Everett
“I love you, Hermione, my angel.” Draco said.
And I knew it was true, yes, it was fast, but I had had this feeling every since first term. I always caught him looking at me. and looking is a sign of love.
I smiled and...and...and fainted. what? The pressure, the child, the love...it was too much. I...JUST...CAN'T...HANDLE...
A/N: still in hermione's point of view - - written in first person
I awoke in a dark chamber of secrets. The pillow and mattress that I was laying in was oh, so comfortable. I didn't want to move. I wish I could just lie there forever. But, I had to know where I was.
snip snip, really bad explanation of the place and her nightie
I meant to get up without waking him, but then I had that same barfing feeling and I threw up over the side of the bed. It woke him up and he was at my side, rubbing my back and comforting me, something Ron never would have done. Hey, that's too far. Don't you insult Ron It's on fanfiction writer its on.. He would have just sat and watched me suffer.pffft..
Draco cleaned up the mess with his wand when I was done and he pulled me close to him. His warm body was so nice to be next to. He held me in his arms and gently rocked me.
"Draco...thank you for...everything." I said weakly.
"Shh, now, you need your rest. It has only been three hours. Tell me in the morning, my love."
'My love, my love, my love' he had really spoken those exact words. It wasn't a dream, it was real. I couldn't believe it. I did as he has told me to do. I went straight to sleep. A very peaceful sleep next tomy love.
excuse me while i go throw up a little bit. oh wait, i might be pregnant.