Uhm. No. Never ever help a guy out alone at night. I'm sorry the world sucks, but it does. And a little guilt (which you do not have to feel but are entitled to if it makes you happy) beats being left for dead on the roadside.
And you sent me cherry stuff out of the blue and I loved it. So there.
My mom has a "birth month". My dad and I invented it when we sucked so much at giving her things on time that she was basically getting a present a day anyway instead of all at once. So, we made it stick. I rather prefer that approach, actually.
It's statistically unlikely that anything would have happened to you, but as my mother keeps telling me, if you're that one small percentage, for you it's a 100% certain event. It sucks, and if that guy really did just need a jump, this should make him go out and do something to promote gender equality so that he can get jumps from all of the people out there with cars, instead of having half the population assess the odds and quite sensibly decide to run in the opposite direction.
I wish what I had said was, "Dude, if I wasn't female, by myself, at night, I would totally give you a jump. As it is, find a man and his beefy brother to help you out." It would've made me feel a little better, because any intelligent guy might've been bummed about not getting the jump he needed, but would've understood. I think they guy understood anyway; he was so nice about it, but I still wish the situation had been such that I felt alright doing it.
I have a brown belt in karate, and I carry a gun (by permit) that I can use with great accuracy, and I would not have given the man a jump. I would have offered to call the auto club if he didn't have a cell. It's sad, but as a woman I'm not comfortable helping a man with car trouble...or almost any other kind of trouble. Like you, I sometimes feel guilty about it.
Ha, okay, that makes me feel a lot better. I should have offered to call someone for him; that's a good idea. The grocery store was right at the corner though, and it was open, and they will let you use their phone for free because I have had to use one at that particular store before (cell phone broken, had no change, sad story).
I've just never been in this particular situation before. I convinced myself I did right, but yeah, like you, guilt.
Well, not everyone has a mobile phone, but...it was a Jaguar. A really old Jaguar, and if he's really a Bad Guy and stole the car, well, he might not've had time to steal a phone to call someone to help jump his stolen car. Bahahaha!
I really wasn't even thinking when I rolled down the window. When I was behind him in my car and he didn't turn when the light did, I thought about getting out and knocking on his window and asking whether everything was okay! But yeah, instincts were all against it.
Thanks for the reassurance. I know it was best but I feel bad for him. But you're so right about showing kindness in other ways!
You totally did the right thing by continuing on. It's an age of cell phones, and even if you didn't have one or he didn't have one, the probability is extremely high that someone coming along shortly would, and would help with contacting a garage or auto club.
I wonder if part of the stress about giving might have a bit to do with fear of dwindling resources. I do *not* mean selfishness or hoarding, not at all. But that maybe somewhere in you there's a fear that you only have a limited amount of things, that the supply is always endangered -- and this could be for material things, quantifiable things like time, emotional exchanges like feedback or conversations. If that's the case, it makes a certain emotional sense that you would be wary or reluctant to part with what you have.
I'm not sure if that completely misses the mark, but some of the things you mentioned made me think of it.
Thanks. I feel better about it now. I guess because he wasn't there still at the corner this morning!
Huh. I hadn't thought about it like that. I mean, I'm not rich, that's certain, and before paycheck day I feel less inclined to spend anything on others than otherwise. Time is definitely a big part of stuff like giving fb. But I guess, if I am wary for those reasons, I don't *want* to be. Like maybe unconsciously that's why I don't give, but consciously I've decided it's the right thing to do, and I'd rather be guided by what I feel is right than emotional impulses like that. I guess because I do feel it is kind of selfish, even if it does make sense. I know I *won't* run out of money or time, even if I kind of feel that way, so I should be able to overcome the feeling.
Thanks for your insight. It's more to think about in overcoming this problem I have with me!
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And you sent me cherry stuff out of the blue and I loved it. So there.
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I'm so glad you liked it. I love that company so much. And cherries. It was supposed to be for your bday. I suck at punctuality.
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I wish what I had said was, "Dude, if I wasn't female, by myself, at night, I would totally give you a jump. As it is, find a man and his beefy brother to help you out." It would've made me feel a little better, because any intelligent guy might've been bummed about not getting the jump he needed, but would've understood. I think they guy understood anyway; he was so nice about it, but I still wish the situation had been such that I felt alright doing it.
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I've just never been in this particular situation before. I convinced myself I did right, but yeah, like you, guilt.
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I really wasn't even thinking when I rolled down the window. When I was behind him in my car and he didn't turn when the light did, I thought about getting out and knocking on his window and asking whether everything was okay! But yeah, instincts were all against it.
Thanks for the reassurance. I know it was best but I feel bad for him. But you're so right about showing kindness in other ways!
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I wonder if part of the stress about giving might have a bit to do with fear of dwindling resources. I do *not* mean selfishness or hoarding, not at all. But that maybe somewhere in you there's a fear that you only have a limited amount of things, that the supply is always endangered -- and this could be for material things, quantifiable things like time, emotional exchanges like feedback or conversations. If that's the case, it makes a certain emotional sense that you would be wary or reluctant to part with what you have.
I'm not sure if that completely misses the mark, but some of the things you mentioned made me think of it.
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Huh. I hadn't thought about it like that. I mean, I'm not rich, that's certain, and before paycheck day I feel less inclined to spend anything on others than otherwise. Time is definitely a big part of stuff like giving fb. But I guess, if I am wary for those reasons, I don't *want* to be. Like maybe unconsciously that's why I don't give, but consciously I've decided it's the right thing to do, and I'd rather be guided by what I feel is right than emotional impulses like that. I guess because I do feel it is kind of selfish, even if it does make sense. I know I *won't* run out of money or time, even if I kind of feel that way, so I should be able to overcome the feeling.
Thanks for your insight. It's more to think about in overcoming this problem I have with me!
Reply
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