FIC: The Chuck Writes Story (An Unauthorized Fandom Biography) - SPN, gen
Title: The Chuck Writes Story: An Unauthorized Fandom Biography
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: gen. Chuck, Becky
Rating: PG-13? for language
Length: Entire fic: 30,000. This part: 15,000 words
Summary: Chuck decides to make a sock-puppet. When no one reads his fic, he wonders what he has to do to get noticed in SPN fandom. (slightly AU for S4)
A/N: Please see A/N here.
continued from: part 1
Chapter Eleven
wat_so: what were you thinking?
chuck_still_writes: helllooo!
Chuck felt pretty keyed up. He’d had a Red Bull and a whole can of Pirouettes, and a little Cheez Whiz. He didn’t care if the Super Nats hated him. He cared that people were reading his fic, and at last-at last!-he had the attention he craved.
Maybe he would even make crack_impala. The comment count on “Are You There” was 64, and counting. Only 18 of them were flames. 8 of them, in fact, claimed they hated TOS/lord_kripke/the Super Nats/fandom in general/the world and he was a much better writer anyway.
Chuck was keeping his eye on those guys. They could turn on him at any second.
wat_so: hi
chuck_still_writes: thanks for that review!!! :) :)
wat_so: are you on crack
wat_so: what were you thinking?
chuck_still_writes: what do you mean?
wat_so: TOS
wat_so: that’s what I mean.
chuck_still_writes: oh
chuck_still_writes: I thought you weren’t a big fan?
wat_so: I’m not
wat_so: that doesn’t mean you should go around bashing it
chuck_still_writes: what?
chuck_still_writes: I didn’t bash it
wat_so: yes you did
chuck_still_writes: I said it was a lot like SPN
chuck_still_writes: that was all
wat_so: okay
wat_so: yeah
chuck_still_writes: what?
wat_so: nevermind
chuck_still_writes: what
wat_so: nothing
wat_so: you’re just new
chuck_still_writes: huh?
chuck_still_writes: what’re you talking about
wat_so: the plagiarism thing.
wat_so: it’s the oldest wank in the book
chuck_still_writes: wank?
wat_so: you know, wank
wat_so: you do know what wank is, right?
chuck_still_writes: oh! sure
chuck_still_writes: I wasn’t trying to wank
wat_so: I know
wat_so: it’s just fandom has been over and over this
wat_so: it’s stupid
wat_so: I never get involved
wat_so: but now I am
chuck_still_writes: I’m sorry
wat_so: it’s okay
chuck_still_writes: you don’t have to be involved
chuck_still_writes: I mean, you don’t have to defend me, or anything
wat_so: haha
wat_so: yes I do
wat_so: anyway
wat_so: it’s true
wat_so: you do have a point
wat_so: and your fic is better than kripke’s
chuck_still_writes: thanks
wat_so: I’m not afraid to say so
wat_so: I’m just afraid of people like samlick_er81
chuck_still_writes: oh
chuck_still_writes: her
chuck_still_writes: hey. Would she be considered a bnf?
wat_so: I don’t know
wat_so: I just know that where she goes
wat_so: F_W follows
Chuck looked at that for a long time.
F_W.
He’d forgotten about F_W. How could he forget about F_W? He’d avoided it for so long-and now he was drawing watsonian into it.
But it was the Super Nats who were wanking, right? lord_kripke had even had to send his friends in to defend him, and they all looked like a pack of douches, right?
Besides, TOS was plagiarism. There were no ands or buts about it, the thing really was just straight up Supernatural. Never mind the niggling suspicion that TOS was the real Supernatural. Not the “real” Supernatural in the sense that it was the one that got published, but the real Supernatural in the sense that this was what fans thought of when they thought of the series.
Maybe TOS was it: the zeitgeist!Supernatural, the über Supernatural. Maybe this was the narrative of the collective consciousness, the Supernatural that was more than just what existed on the page. Maybe this Supernatural was picspams and meta and brilliant, gorgeous, funny hot angsty delicious fic. Maybe this Supernatural was gun porn, knife porn, hand porn, PEN porn; maybe this Supernatural was Kripke being a magnificent bastard and owning people’s souls. Maybe this Supernatural was fireman costumes, priest costumes, and that slow, loving description up Dean’s body in Phantom Traveler; maybe this Supernatural was kink memes and anon memes and endless wank, LJ friends and foes and this strange, alien culture of fandom.
Supernatural: the way a story became more than a story when the public (the people?) gets a hold of it, when it becomes perception, interpretation, reinterpretation, transformation, when it becomes an iteration upon an iteration, in the way that The Odyssey can never just be Homer’s Odyssey, if it was ever Homer’s to begin with, the way that King Arthur is no longer just a man, the way that Star Trek is never, ever going to be just Star Trek again. Maybe it was the new kind of oral tradition, the new kind of story told around a new kind of fire, the new kind of culture.
Maybe this was SPN.
Meet the new Weltanschauung. And here was the scary thought: it was the same as the old world view.
wat_so: are you there?
Who . . . ? Chuck shook himself and swallowed.
chuck_still_writes: yeah
wat_so: sorry to complain
wat_so: you must be going through hell
chuck_still_writes: no
chuck_still_writes: I mean yes
chuck_still_writes: I never told anyone this before
wat_so: what
wat_so: chuck?
chuck_still_writes: I black out
wat_so: what
chuck_still_writes: before the stories come
chuck_still_writes: I black out
chuck_still_writes: I know it sounds crazy
chuck_still_writes: but I get these headaches. And then the stories come to me. Sometimes I just feel like . . .
chuck_still_writes: they’re given to me
chuck_still_writes: I know it sounds crazy
wat_so: no
wat_so: I mean, that happens to me too. Not with the black-outs.
wat_so: but sometimes I wonder . . . like, writing. What it means. It’s so personal, and yet . . . it’s like accessing another universe
chuck_still_writes: yeah
chuck_still_writes: yeah, it’s like that
wat_so: and it should be this personal universe. Since it’s something in your head, you know? It should be this very personal universe.
chuck_still_writes: but instead you have to write it
wat_so: and share it
chuck_still_writes: yeah
wat_so: and the amazing thing is, people understand it
wat_so: other people understand it, and live in it. Sometimes they understand it better than fact
wat_so: fiction I mean
chuck_still_writes: I don’t understand it
chuck_still_writes: but sometimes . . . it just feels more real
wat_so: no
wat_so: I get you
wat_so: that’s why fanfic is so interesting
wat_so: it’s living in another person’s world . . . other people’s heads . . .
wat_so: but then you start to realize
wat_so: we’re all on the same page. Even when we’re being stupid and fighting and wank. I mean, we’re all in each other’s world, this one big world. We’re all on the same page
Chuck looked at that for a long time.
wat_so: lol I think I’m high
wat_so: the thought of F_W was too much for me
wat_so: I had to have a joint.
chuck_still_writes: haha
chuck_still_writes: can I have some?
wat_so: lol. You take care.
Chapter Twelve
For a while, there was uneasy peace. For the most part, the Super Nats went about their business, and Chuck went about his. Occasionally the Super Nats still came in and trolled Chuck’s fic, though Chuck restrained himself from posting any more at snlashnotebook. Instead, he busied himself with posting more fic.
By March 2009, he had a flist of 423-342 more than watsonian (who had since only gained two, chuck_writes and dean_lives). Most of his flist were following his series, which began with “Lazarus Rising” and so far was on Sex and Violence.
Most of the readers were still unsure about Castiel. They didn’t know where it was going-hell, Chuck didn’t know where it was going either. And then there was Ruby.
Ah, Ruby.
Canon!Ruby, for those of you who don’t know, was this blonde chick who was morally ambiguous and kicked a lot of ass. Chuck!Ruby was this brunette lady who made a lot of faces with full, pouty lips and had sex with Sam a lot. Like all the time, except it still wasn’t porny like Tells of Sad was porny. And you were supposed to like her, or something.
Chuck actually had this whole internally consistent to the narrative reason to change her hair color, but he still got a lot of comments that said:
spnl0v3r, 2008-11-29 04:08 am, UTC (link):cool, but I think you got Ruby’s hair color wrong, lol
long_seige, 2008-11-29 04:16 am, UTC (link):too bad Ruby is freaking BLONDE
gamble_it_away, 2008-11-29 04:21 am, UTC (link):no no remember siege. >chuck_writes is ABOVE canon
long_seige, 2008-11-29 04:22 am, UTC (link):That’s right; I forgot.
sammy_dear, 2008-11-29 04:31 am, UTC (link):Ruby has a new body now so that’s why she’s brunet. Though I liked her blonde because I’m blonde haha. :)
bobby_sing_it, 2008-11-29 04:21 am, UTC (link):Say whatever you want; his Ruby is still OOC.
Chuck actually sort of agreed with those who claimed the latter, but he couldn’t help it. Ruby was Ruby was Ruby; she said the things she did the way she said them, and did the things she did the way she did them. When he tried to make her more like blonde!Ruby, everything in him resisted. He got a pounding headache, and started thinking about that conversation with watsonian.
Writing was way more stressful than he had ever thought it would be, really. First there was the fact that it didn’t even feel like his story anyway, and then there was the fact that everyone else seemed to think it was their story. Maybe that was what fanfiction was about, except it wasn’t really fanfiction-and if it was, where was the real story?
So Chuck wrote Ruby as she came to him.
When Chuck finally did make F_W, though, it was not about Ruby.
It was about Marissa Wright.
The truth did out one chilly day near the end of February, when edlund_lover made a very interesting post on his LJ.
To understand this wank, you need to know about The Game. If you are in SPN or Holmes fandom, you might be familiar with The Game, but unlike fanfic or wank, it is not a universal fandom past time.
The Game began in Sherlock Holmes fandom, and is explained well here in The Straight Dope:
The point is to pretend that Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were real, that Watson wrote the stories reporting actual events, and that Conan Doyle was merely Watson's literary agent. Essentially, one applies Holmes's own methods to analyzing the stories, trying to explain the inconsistencies, fill the gaps, and identify the other characters and events.
Sherlock Holmes, it is interesting to note, is also the source of the word “canon” for the root text that inspires fanfiction, borrowing the Biblical word for the set of works regarded as scripture (source: lolwiki).
The Game is played in SPN fandom largely due to Ghostfacers. Ghostfacers are a team of “professional” paranormal investigators featured in Edlund’s novels-but they are also real. Harry Spangler and Ed Zeddmore run a website about urban legends, called Hell Hound’s Lair both in the books and in real life. Edlund featured Spangler, Zeddmore, and the web site in his book, Hell House.
At first, many fans believed Hell Hound’s Lair to be an invention of Edlund as a way to promote his novels. Other fans claimed that the site was real, citing the creation date of the site, the obvious labor that had gone into it, and the lack of any mention of Edlund or the series. They also cited various other “real” people, places, and events in Edlund’s novels, claiming that Edlund was using real details to write his books.
In April 2008, the Ghostfacers website appeared, laying to rest most claims that Spangler and Zeddmore were inventions of Edlund (though the appearance of Edlund’s novel Ghostfacers just one week later is sometimes used as evidence that Edlund knows Spangler, and that they are working together). Though Ghostfacers is evidence that Edlund does use true facts in his work, most fans in SPN, as in Sherlock Holmes fandom, do not believe that The Game is “real”. The moniker is true: it is just a game, almost like a treasure hunt to discover the kernels of reality in Edlund’s fiction.
After edlund_lover’s post, however, The Game became one of the wankiest wanks in history.
12:49pm, Friday, February 27, 2009
An Issue of Respect
Okay, this is going to seem really wanky. But I’ve been looking into this for a long time, and . . . I’ve got to say something.
This is about Marissa Wright.
Marissa Wright was a 26 year old from Larkin, who went to Canonsburg for their annual Oktoberfest. There she had died, due to unexplained circumstances. You might remember her: she was a minor OFC in chuck_writes’s multi-part sequel, the part in question being Monster Movie.
Marissa Wright’s family knew her as Mari, and mourned her death.
Yeah. You read that right. Marissa Wright was a real person. You might have thought, “Wow, Oktoberfest! Funny setting.” You might have thought, “Wow, so original.” But it’s not. It was real, and this is taking it too far.
There are other instances. Olivia Lowry, from Are You There, God? Luthur Garland, in Yellow Fever. Luke Wallace, The Great Pumpkin.
Look it up. Every minor character who dies? Was a real person. It’s one thing to play The Game. It’s SPN, lots of people do it. It’s another thing again to use real people who are dead to write your fanfic. Come on. There’s fandom.
There’s real life.
Have a little respect.
The internet exploded after that.
Chapter Thirteen
After edlund_lover’s post, replies to Chuck’s latest fic, “Sex and Violence”, included:
hope you die, gamble_it_away, 2009-02-27 01:01pm, UTC (link): trufax
Re: hope you die, park_the_car, 2009-02-27 01:01pm, UTC (link): hope he lives. Then we can kill him. SLOWLY.
glass_family, 2009-02-27 02:15 pm, UTC (link): You make me sick. How could you do this?
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 02:15 pm, UTC (link): Just read edlund_lover’s post. I don’t know what to think. I’m devastated. I loved your fic :(
nother_ben, 2009-02-27 02:17 pm, UTC (link): In what universe is this acceptable? I hope you get help.
samlick_er81, 2009-02-27 02:17 pm, UTC (link): Maybe it is real. You don’t know. You don’t know why he used real people! maybe it’s wrong but maybe it’s right! maybe it’s a lot like incest that way! You just don’t know! *lick lick lick*
sammy_dear, 2009-02-27 02:17 pm, UTC (link): I just read this. You know what? I used to like your fic. Now? I know you’re a dickwad. Have a little sensitivity, why don’t you? *defriends*
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 02:18 pm, UTC (link): Not cool.
long_seige, 2009-02-27 02:18 pm, UTC (link): You’re going to hell, you know. Not even Sam can save you.
What’s the Big Deal? (Anonymous), 2009-02-27 02:18 pm, UTC (link): I don’t get what the big deal is. So, chuck_writes pulled real names from real people for real events. So does Carver Edlund. Check your facts. Walter Kelly in Asylum, Ansem Weems in Simon Said. Even the infection in Croatoan is real (see this article about River Gorge outbreak). Hell, there’s even a Jessica who died at Stanford the year Sam supposedly graduated, and my husband knows someone in the FBI who says someone named “Dean Winchester” is a known serial killer.
Re: What’s the Big Deal?mic_gee, 2009-02-27 02:22 pm, UTC (link): FUCK YOU ANON.
bobby_sing_it, 2009-02-27 02:26 pm, UTC (link): We need to stop calling this wank. This is worse than that.
Re: What’s the Big Deal?, nother_ben, 2009-02-27 02:20 pm, UTC (link): Go play ur game elsewhere, anon. You’re not wanted here.
Re: What’s the Big Deal?, gamble_it_away, 2009-02-27 02:20 pm, UTC (link): maybe the difference is edlund is GOD and chuck_writes is a steaming pile of shit? Just maybe.
Re: What’s the Big Deal?, snfangirl, 2009-02-27 02:23 pm, UTC (link): anon, it’s a big deal because The Game isn’t supposed to be real. I’d never seen those links you posted or I never would have participated in it (River Gorge. That’s awful). It’s one thing to match up dates and occurrences. It’s another when it’s real people’s lives.
Re: re: What’s the Big Deal?, bobby_sing_it, 2009-02-27 02:24 pm, UTC (link): well said, snfangirl.
samlick_er81, 2009-02-27 02:26 pm, UTC (link): Wow. Not even I’m this wanky! Lol *lick lick lick*.
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 06:05 pm, UTC (link):
rpf
is
the
devil
long_seige, 2009-02-27 06:05 pm, UTC (link): this isn’t about rpf anon. it’s different.
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 06:06 pm, UTC (link): it’s all rpf
nother_ben, 2009-02-27 02:17 pm, UTC (link): Okay, no one’s seriously saying this is what rpf is. This is not what rpf is.
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 06:06 pm, UTC (link):
what is rpf?
rpf is life
life is death
rpf is the devil
rpf is GOD, (Anonymous), 2009-02-27 07:00 pm, UTC (link)
Re: rpf is GOD, glass_family, 2009-02-27 07:00 pm, UTC (link): According to gamble_it_away Edlund is God. So STFU.
Re: re rpf is GOD, (Anonymous), 2009-02-27 07:00 pm, UTC (link): Oh, is gamble your god now? I thought it was kripke
Re: re: re: rpf is GOD, glass_family, 2009-02-27 07:01 pm, UTC (link): i shit on your doorstep
Re: re: re: rpf is GOD, (Anonymous), 2009-02-27 07:00 pm, UTC (link):
get on your knees and pray
you don’t get fooled again
Chuck threw up a meal of Jack’s Supreme Croissant Combo and José Cuervo in the toilet, suffered a series of cold sweats, then pm’ed watsonian.
Hey are you around?
From chuck_writes
I really need to talk to you right now.
-C
Re: Hey are you around?
From watsonian
I don’t know if I want to talk to you.
I don’t know if I can.
---chuck_writes wrote:
>I really need to talk to you right now.
>-C
Re: re: Hey are you around?
From chuck_writes
please.
wat_so has logged on
chuck_still_writes: thanks
chuck_still_writes: i didn’t know
chuck_still_writes: i swear that i didn’t know
wat_so: Didn’t know what?
chuck_still_writes: you know what.
chuck_still_writes: i know it sounds crazy. i know you don’t believe me. but i swear to you,--I don’t even know your name
wat_so: oh. So you can kill me off in one of your stories?
chuck_still_writes: no
wat_so: Or maybe you just want to plaster my home address all over the internet.
wat_so: how do you think those families feel?
chuck_still_writes: they don’t know
wat_so: Oh. Okay. So, not enough people read your fanfic. Okay, well. You just go get yourself recced on crack_impala, why don’t you. Then enough people will read your fanfic. Then you’ll be happy, won’t you.
chuck_still_writes: no
wat_so: you just don’t even comprehend how wrong this is, do you
chuck_still_writes: I do.
chuck_still_writes: that’s the worst part, I do. it’s wrong. it’s wrong to those families. even if they never read it, its trivilizing something real and important and it doesnt matter its just fanfic. Or maybe that matters the most--that it’s just fanfic
chuck_still_writes: it’s just fanfic
chuck_still_writes: just fanfic, which means you can’t fuck with people’s lives
wat_so: Then why did you do it?
chuck_still_writes: I don’t know
chuck_still_writes: i'm drunk
wat_so has logged off.
Later that day, lord_kripke posted:
9:59 pm Friday, February 27, 2009
Oh look. Another fan apocalypse.
Replies included:
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 10:00 pm, UTC (link): just like yesterday
Chapter Fourteen
dean_lives, the lurker-lawyer who loved Edlund!Dean, Dean Burnsfield, and Dean Winchester as one, who had commented on every single post in chuck_writes’s journal, who had not commented on the chuck vs kripke clusterfuck back in November 2008, and who usually only posted about her music list, cats, and sometimes her job, and who had never once been seen using a capital letter, ever, posted:
10:08 pm, Friday, February 27, 2009
seems my flist has exploded.
um, hi. Mostly i lurk. might as well add my two cents
I freely admit that I was a fan of c_w. I read everything they ever posted, and I loved it.
Here’s what’s difficult about fiction: it’s how we see the world. Bear with me, a moment. Philosophers better than I have argued until they died about the existence of objective reality, and the objective reality is: you’re never going to know. All you have is your perception of the world-the stories we tell ourselves.
There are other kinds of stories, the stories we read in books. See on tv, in movies, play in videogames. And then there are the stories we base on those books and tvs and movies and videogames, which are in turn based on other stories, which are in turn based on what has always been told, which are in turn based on what’s real.
In the end, there is a conflation between reality, the telling of that reality, and the perception of that telling. And in the end that perception of the telling (fandom, if you will, but it is also so much more) in turn shapes reality, which shapes the telling, which shapes the perception. We are in an endless feedback loop of the real and the perceiving, so much so that the only thing that seems sacred sometimes is the in-between: the narrative.
So, c_w. I understand why it might have seemed acceptable, even laudable, to use real events to set your stories. I understand why you may have felt that fiction was a way to make the grief of those families-what they suffered-more real somehow, true for us in a way it wasn’t before you brought it to light. I understand that you may even have similar grief in your own life, or your own family, and that this is your way of dealing with it. I hope we can all try to understand this, and try to forgive.
But c_w, I also say to you that if you have recognized this power, this power that the narrative has, please use it carefully. Please use it well. Please don’t use it to trivialize the deaths of those who were loved-or who weren’t. Please don’t use it to dismiss those lives, because in doing so you are dismissing their stories, and their families’ stories. These stories were not yours to tell-not yet.
Wait, c_w. Wait until you have your own stories-and I do believe one can have ownership of a fanfic, though not the fandom-wait until you have your own story, and tell it. Tell it, because you are a good writer. Because it comes to you. Because it is important, because it is real.
Tell it, and I am sure it will be one of the greatest stories ever told.
that's all i have to say about that really
peace out
dean_lives
Chapter Fifteen
From: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Sunday, March 1, 2009 9:16 am
Subject: Please just open it
watsonian,
I understand why you don’t want to talk to me. For the record, I agree with everything dean_lives said. And if you haven’t read that post (I’m sure you have, it was linked everywhere), you should. Because it’s true.
I just-I need to explain this. To you, because you’re my friend, and because-because it was a shitty thing it looks like I did. It was a shitty thing that I did, and I’m sure a part of you feels like I did it to you, even though I didn’t mean to, and. God, I’ve spent four hours writing this email and I still can’t even end my sentences.
What I’m trying to say is you deserve an explanation. It’s not a good one, or the right one, and maybe you won’t believe me, but it’s the truth: I was never playing a game. What I said about blacking out, the way I write, it’s true. I never looked up those deaths. I followed edlund_lover’s links and he’s totally right. I’m not arguing that: those people died. That anon was right, too-the things Carver Edlund wrote, they’re real, too. I didn’t even know the ghostfacers were real-I thought it was a stupid fandom rumor. All this time, I never knew.
I know it sounds crazy. But honestly, I never knew any of it was real. I don’t know how or why all those dates and names match up. I don’t know how I get the ideas I do. I just know that I need to write them, or else . . . I start seeing lights and I can’t see anything else and . . . I know it’s not real. The rest of it, I mean-Sam and Dean. But sometimes I can just feel Castiel in my head and it fucking hurts . . .
I know this probably doesn’t make any sense. I don’t know how it’s possible. You can just believe I’m an asshole if you want. I sort of think that anyway.
I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that this happened.
I’d say keep it real, but-you know.
Chuck
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
Date: Monday, March 2, 2009 1:55 am
Subject: Re: Please just open it
You’re right. That’s crazy.
I don’t know really what you want me to believe. If you were saying you made a mistake, I could forgive you. What dean_lives said makes sense-sometimes it’s easy to lose perspective. To get caught up in everything.
I mean, look at fandom. It was a crappy thing you did, but seriously. They’re like a pack of wolves. The problem is that so many people have smart, thoughtful things to say about why what you did is wrong, about the line between fiction and reality, and it just gets lost in this big pile on.
But anyway. What I mean is, I understand. You’re still my friend. But I’m not an idiot.
I don’t know. Maybe you saw those things in newspapers and unknowingly channeled them into your writing? Something like that? But just coming up with all those names and places-people who died-coming up with that out of thin air, writing it down-and suddenly it’s true? Do you realize what you mean? That means you’re God. He spake, and thus it was.
You’re not God, Chuck. You’re just some guy. We’re all just people. We’re real, and we matter.
-w
From: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Monday, March 2, 2009 10:12 am
Subject: Re: Re: Please just open it
I know I’m not God. Maybe I just channeled it. I made a mistake. I’m sorry. Forgive me?
-Chuck
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
Date: Monday, March 2, 2009 5:18 pm
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Please just open it
I already said I forgive you. You’re the best friend I ever had in SPN fandom. And hey, at least there was a reason everyone got mad this time. Instead of just more Martha vs Rose, lol.
-w
From: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Monday, March 2, 2009 7:45 pm
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Please just open it
Chat?
-Chuck
wat_so has logged on
chuck_still_writes: hi
chuck_still_writes: I’m sorry
wat_so: that’s okay.
wat_so: I understand the channeling thing. I do that all the time.
wat_so: Write things I read in magazines and novels, I mean. And then realize they’ve already been written
chuck_still_writes: yeah.
wat_so: so
chuck_still_writes: so
chuck_still_writes: Martha vs Rose?
wat_so: hahaha Doctor Who
chuck_still_writes: can I ask you a question?
wat_so: As long as it’s not which is the better companion
chuck_still_writes: no
chuck_still_writes: It’s about Carver Edlund
chuck_still_writes: What do you think of him? I mean, his stuff was real too
wat_so: you mean ghostfacers
chuck_still_writes: I mean what that anon said in the comments
chuck_still_writes: about the Croatoan virus
chuck_still_writes: etc
chuck_still_writes: There were a lot of posts about it after that
chuck_still_writes: I was too busy throwing up Jack-in-the-Box to collect links. But there were a lot of posts about The Game. Edlund used real things. Real, upsetting things. Like things you shouldn’t use
chuck_still_writes: for a story about demons and angels
wat_so: Edlund’s story doesn’t have angels
chuck_still_writes: what
wat_so: Edlund’s story doesn’t have angels. That’s your fic.
chuck_still_writes: Right
chuck_still_writes: What I meant was that SPN is . . .
chuck_still_writes: What I meant was that SPN is . . . it’s not an important story. It’s not Pynchon. It’s not the Epic of Gilgamesh. It’s not Tolstoy, so it’s not important, right?
wat_so: No one ever said SPN wasn’t important
chuck_still_writes: what
wat_so: I can’t talk about this right now
chuck_still_writes: I didn’t mean that SPN wasn’t important. I didn’t mean that it couldn’t address those very real deaths because it wasn’t important. It couldn’t address them because it did so trivially
chuck_still_writes: Without respect
chuck_still_writes: But what I mean is
chuck_still_writes: What if it really is the end of the world
chuck_still_writes: What if it’s the apocalypse
chuck_still_writes: How do you write the end of the world
chuck_still_writes: and what if you don’t do it right?
chuck_still_writes: what if the only thing that happens
chuck_still_writes: is people fight about it
chuck_still_writes: until the end of time? Because it’s *not* fiction. But it’s *not* fact, because it’s a story. But it’s also something that happened
chuck_still_writes: but no one knew what was happening
chuck_still_writes: when it was happening
wat_so: Okay so I’m going to leave now
chuck_still_writes: what?
wat_so: Have fun with your crazy
wat_so has signed off
Chapter Sixteen
Chuck, to the disappointment of many, was not wanky enough to delete his journal; however, he never posted again.
He maintained a light correspondence with watsonian, who eventually emailed a week after their im conversation.
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
Date: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 8:36 pm
Subject: here if you need me
I’ve debated sending this email.
The thing is, you could just be an internet crazy person. I’ll never know.
But I’m not sure it changes the fact that I feel friendship towards you. I think that feeling is important.
It sounds like you’re going through some stuff. I’m sorry, I should have been there for you. It’s just hard. You’re someone I met on the internet, and you could have things going on . . . far beyond my ken. I try to be . . . a good mother. A good wife. A good volunteer, a good part-time copy editor. But I also want to be a good friend, and I haven’t been to you. So if you want to talk, I’m here.
From: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Wednesday, March 10, 2009 09:27 pm
Subject: Re: here if you need me
I understand, w. I’m sorry for the crazy. I don’t think I can do the LJ thing any more, but I’m trying not to do a flounce or anything. I do still want to be friends; it means so much to me. More than you can ever know. You’re right . . . I’m going through a lot right now, and it’s-it’s hard. I don’t know what any of it means, but it’s nice to know I have a friend.
-Chuck
They traded emails back and forth, desultorily, for a little over three weeks. The emails themselves are not transcribed for the sake of brevity (a quality in which I am sorely lacking). Chuck did not reveal any further crazy. He did not talk about the end of the world, or his “visions”, or the incident that had led him to run from fandom with his tail tucked between his legs.
On the internet, they called it the Marissa Wright Scandal, and used it as a cautionary tale. The anons claiming “death to rpf” eventually got tired; as the uproar died down, many fans wrote intelligent, insightful essays about the difference between rpf and the reduction of people’s lives to service a fanfic. Other fans wrote interesting essays about the lines between reality and fiction.
dean_lives never wrote another post of epic like the one that got linked everywhere, but demian_dean, to everyone’s surprise, had interesting things to say about historical events, accuracy (or lack thereof), history-as-a-narrative, and the difficulty of communication.
10:26, Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Problem With History
The Ides of March.
How did it happen?
The problem is people die every day. We don’t pay attention. How do we share it with the world? We write. How do we know it’s important-that this thing-this one story that is happening-that this will be the thing that changes the world? We don’t. Even at the death of an emperor.
Especially at the death of a peasant.
So we embellish.
Thus the birth of fiction.
Meanwhile, watsonian emailed Chuck about coffee, television, and one of her sons, named Isaac, who had cerebral palsy and blond hair. Chuck talked about his bathrobe, the possibility of buying a car, and books which he would never write, because he was still writing Supernatural. He didn’t tell her that.
He didn’t tell her that until on fine spring day in early April.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Friday, April 3, 2009 01:15 pm
Subject: it’s me
W,
It’s me. Chuck. I hope I didn’t freak you out by using this email. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I’m Carver Edlund. I know it was stupid to post fanfic of my own series. I couldn’t get it published, but anyway, it doesn’t matter now. Something much more important happened. I need to talk to someone about it. You’re the only person I have. Please. You said we could talk.
-Chuck
P.S. Chuck is my real name Carver was a pseudonym
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 02:40 am
Subject: Re: it’s me
You’re late for April Fool’s.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 03:11 am
Subject: Re: re: it’s me
I’m not joking.
Check the address.
Check the fan sites.
It’s legit.
Please. I just need to talk to you.
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 09:52 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: it’s me
I said you could talk to me.
I didn’t say you could lie to me.
I cannot believe this shit.
How could you be such a tool?
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 11:06 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: it’s me
I’m not upset that you’re Carver Edlund. Okay, I’m a little upset you’re Carver Edlund. Because I loved your books. I admired you so much. I loved the world you made for us. I needed it in my life. The idea that that person is a liar and and internet wank star is upsetting. It’s upsetting. Not crushing.
But you’re also Chuck. You were my friend. I went through a lot for you. I defended you. I stood by you. And even when I thought you’d done that horrible thing, I forgave you. And the whole time you were lying?
That’s crushing.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 09:48 am
Subject: Re: re: re: re: it’s me
I know. I’m sorry. Let me count the ways. But-and I know it’s hard to get over what you feel right now, I really do-but I need you to listen.
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 10:01 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
I’m listening. I don’t know why, but I’m listening.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 10:16 am
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
Chat?
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 10:17 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
No. I have to go to bed soon.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 10:21 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
Okay. Okay, I know you think I’m a liar. I know it’s going to sound crazy. I know that I always say that, but I’ve always said that because it’s true. My reality is crazy.
My reality also includes Sam and Dean. The trouble is, so does yours.
They’re real. I met them. In the flesh. They knew things-they shouldn’t know. Things only in my computer. I met Castiel. I know it doesn’t sound right. God, as soon as I write it down, it looks so stupid. The trouble is, though, I can’t stop writing it down. I’ve never been able to stop. Since Jess died, I couldn’t stop.
God, this means Jess is real too. Jess is real too, and I never wrote anything about her but that nurse costume and those stupid short short shorts she wore to bed.
I understand if you don’t believe me. I barely believe me either. I can’t even tell you the things Cass said, because then you really wouldn’t believe me. God.
I just have to talk to someone about it. Someone who is sane. And not bringing on the apocalypse.
Please.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Sunday, April 5, 2009 04:19 am
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
w? I understand if you don’t believe me. Just-can you talk to me? Please?
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Sunday, April 5, 2009 08:54 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
The worst part about all of this? Is I’m afraid I’m going to die.
Lucifer is coming and all I can think about is I’m going to die.
I’m so stupid. I’m such a fuck up. Please, w. Please, I just need to talk to you.
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 10:17 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
I hope you get some help. I can’t deal with your problems right now, sorry.
Afterword
Afterword 2
Afterword 3
Afterword 4
Afterword 5
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing: gen. Chuck, Becky
Rating: PG-13? for language
Length: Entire fic: 30,000. This part: 15,000 words
Summary: Chuck decides to make a sock-puppet. When no one reads his fic, he wonders what he has to do to get noticed in SPN fandom. (slightly AU for S4)
A/N: Please see A/N here.
continued from: part 1
Chapter Eleven
wat_so: what were you thinking?
chuck_still_writes: helllooo!
Chuck felt pretty keyed up. He’d had a Red Bull and a whole can of Pirouettes, and a little Cheez Whiz. He didn’t care if the Super Nats hated him. He cared that people were reading his fic, and at last-at last!-he had the attention he craved.
Maybe he would even make crack_impala. The comment count on “Are You There” was 64, and counting. Only 18 of them were flames. 8 of them, in fact, claimed they hated TOS/lord_kripke/the Super Nats/fandom in general/the world and he was a much better writer anyway.
Chuck was keeping his eye on those guys. They could turn on him at any second.
wat_so: hi
chuck_still_writes: thanks for that review!!! :) :)
wat_so: are you on crack
wat_so: what were you thinking?
chuck_still_writes: what do you mean?
wat_so: TOS
wat_so: that’s what I mean.
chuck_still_writes: oh
chuck_still_writes: I thought you weren’t a big fan?
wat_so: I’m not
wat_so: that doesn’t mean you should go around bashing it
chuck_still_writes: what?
chuck_still_writes: I didn’t bash it
wat_so: yes you did
chuck_still_writes: I said it was a lot like SPN
chuck_still_writes: that was all
wat_so: okay
wat_so: yeah
chuck_still_writes: what?
wat_so: nevermind
chuck_still_writes: what
wat_so: nothing
wat_so: you’re just new
chuck_still_writes: huh?
chuck_still_writes: what’re you talking about
wat_so: the plagiarism thing.
wat_so: it’s the oldest wank in the book
chuck_still_writes: wank?
wat_so: you know, wank
wat_so: you do know what wank is, right?
chuck_still_writes: oh! sure
chuck_still_writes: I wasn’t trying to wank
wat_so: I know
wat_so: it’s just fandom has been over and over this
wat_so: it’s stupid
wat_so: I never get involved
wat_so: but now I am
chuck_still_writes: I’m sorry
wat_so: it’s okay
chuck_still_writes: you don’t have to be involved
chuck_still_writes: I mean, you don’t have to defend me, or anything
wat_so: haha
wat_so: yes I do
wat_so: anyway
wat_so: it’s true
wat_so: you do have a point
wat_so: and your fic is better than kripke’s
chuck_still_writes: thanks
wat_so: I’m not afraid to say so
wat_so: I’m just afraid of people like samlick_er81
chuck_still_writes: oh
chuck_still_writes: her
chuck_still_writes: hey. Would she be considered a bnf?
wat_so: I don’t know
wat_so: I just know that where she goes
wat_so: F_W follows
Chuck looked at that for a long time.
F_W.
He’d forgotten about F_W. How could he forget about F_W? He’d avoided it for so long-and now he was drawing watsonian into it.
But it was the Super Nats who were wanking, right? lord_kripke had even had to send his friends in to defend him, and they all looked like a pack of douches, right?
Besides, TOS was plagiarism. There were no ands or buts about it, the thing really was just straight up Supernatural. Never mind the niggling suspicion that TOS was the real Supernatural. Not the “real” Supernatural in the sense that it was the one that got published, but the real Supernatural in the sense that this was what fans thought of when they thought of the series.
Maybe TOS was it: the zeitgeist!Supernatural, the über Supernatural. Maybe this was the narrative of the collective consciousness, the Supernatural that was more than just what existed on the page. Maybe this Supernatural was picspams and meta and brilliant, gorgeous, funny hot angsty delicious fic. Maybe this Supernatural was gun porn, knife porn, hand porn, PEN porn; maybe this Supernatural was Kripke being a magnificent bastard and owning people’s souls. Maybe this Supernatural was fireman costumes, priest costumes, and that slow, loving description up Dean’s body in Phantom Traveler; maybe this Supernatural was kink memes and anon memes and endless wank, LJ friends and foes and this strange, alien culture of fandom.
Supernatural: the way a story became more than a story when the public (the people?) gets a hold of it, when it becomes perception, interpretation, reinterpretation, transformation, when it becomes an iteration upon an iteration, in the way that The Odyssey can never just be Homer’s Odyssey, if it was ever Homer’s to begin with, the way that King Arthur is no longer just a man, the way that Star Trek is never, ever going to be just Star Trek again. Maybe it was the new kind of oral tradition, the new kind of story told around a new kind of fire, the new kind of culture.
Maybe this was SPN.
Meet the new Weltanschauung. And here was the scary thought: it was the same as the old world view.
wat_so: are you there?
Who . . . ? Chuck shook himself and swallowed.
chuck_still_writes: yeah
wat_so: sorry to complain
wat_so: you must be going through hell
chuck_still_writes: no
chuck_still_writes: I mean yes
chuck_still_writes: I never told anyone this before
wat_so: what
wat_so: chuck?
chuck_still_writes: I black out
wat_so: what
chuck_still_writes: before the stories come
chuck_still_writes: I black out
chuck_still_writes: I know it sounds crazy
chuck_still_writes: but I get these headaches. And then the stories come to me. Sometimes I just feel like . . .
chuck_still_writes: they’re given to me
chuck_still_writes: I know it sounds crazy
wat_so: no
wat_so: I mean, that happens to me too. Not with the black-outs.
wat_so: but sometimes I wonder . . . like, writing. What it means. It’s so personal, and yet . . . it’s like accessing another universe
chuck_still_writes: yeah
chuck_still_writes: yeah, it’s like that
wat_so: and it should be this personal universe. Since it’s something in your head, you know? It should be this very personal universe.
chuck_still_writes: but instead you have to write it
wat_so: and share it
chuck_still_writes: yeah
wat_so: and the amazing thing is, people understand it
wat_so: other people understand it, and live in it. Sometimes they understand it better than fact
wat_so: fiction I mean
chuck_still_writes: I don’t understand it
chuck_still_writes: but sometimes . . . it just feels more real
wat_so: no
wat_so: I get you
wat_so: that’s why fanfic is so interesting
wat_so: it’s living in another person’s world . . . other people’s heads . . .
wat_so: but then you start to realize
wat_so: we’re all on the same page. Even when we’re being stupid and fighting and wank. I mean, we’re all in each other’s world, this one big world. We’re all on the same page
Chuck looked at that for a long time.
wat_so: lol I think I’m high
wat_so: the thought of F_W was too much for me
wat_so: I had to have a joint.
chuck_still_writes: haha
chuck_still_writes: can I have some?
wat_so: lol. You take care.
Chapter Twelve
For a while, there was uneasy peace. For the most part, the Super Nats went about their business, and Chuck went about his. Occasionally the Super Nats still came in and trolled Chuck’s fic, though Chuck restrained himself from posting any more at snlashnotebook. Instead, he busied himself with posting more fic.
By March 2009, he had a flist of 423-342 more than watsonian (who had since only gained two, chuck_writes and dean_lives). Most of his flist were following his series, which began with “Lazarus Rising” and so far was on Sex and Violence.
Most of the readers were still unsure about Castiel. They didn’t know where it was going-hell, Chuck didn’t know where it was going either. And then there was Ruby.
Ah, Ruby.
Canon!Ruby, for those of you who don’t know, was this blonde chick who was morally ambiguous and kicked a lot of ass. Chuck!Ruby was this brunette lady who made a lot of faces with full, pouty lips and had sex with Sam a lot. Like all the time, except it still wasn’t porny like Tells of Sad was porny. And you were supposed to like her, or something.
Chuck actually had this whole internally consistent to the narrative reason to change her hair color, but he still got a lot of comments that said:
spnl0v3r, 2008-11-29 04:08 am, UTC (link):cool, but I think you got Ruby’s hair color wrong, lol
long_seige, 2008-11-29 04:16 am, UTC (link):too bad Ruby is freaking BLONDE
gamble_it_away, 2008-11-29 04:21 am, UTC (link):no no remember siege. >chuck_writes is ABOVE canon
long_seige, 2008-11-29 04:22 am, UTC (link):That’s right; I forgot.
sammy_dear, 2008-11-29 04:31 am, UTC (link):Ruby has a new body now so that’s why she’s brunet. Though I liked her blonde because I’m blonde haha. :)
bobby_sing_it, 2008-11-29 04:21 am, UTC (link):Say whatever you want; his Ruby is still OOC.
Chuck actually sort of agreed with those who claimed the latter, but he couldn’t help it. Ruby was Ruby was Ruby; she said the things she did the way she said them, and did the things she did the way she did them. When he tried to make her more like blonde!Ruby, everything in him resisted. He got a pounding headache, and started thinking about that conversation with watsonian.
Writing was way more stressful than he had ever thought it would be, really. First there was the fact that it didn’t even feel like his story anyway, and then there was the fact that everyone else seemed to think it was their story. Maybe that was what fanfiction was about, except it wasn’t really fanfiction-and if it was, where was the real story?
So Chuck wrote Ruby as she came to him.
When Chuck finally did make F_W, though, it was not about Ruby.
It was about Marissa Wright.
The truth did out one chilly day near the end of February, when edlund_lover made a very interesting post on his LJ.
To understand this wank, you need to know about The Game. If you are in SPN or Holmes fandom, you might be familiar with The Game, but unlike fanfic or wank, it is not a universal fandom past time.
The Game began in Sherlock Holmes fandom, and is explained well here in The Straight Dope:
The point is to pretend that Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were real, that Watson wrote the stories reporting actual events, and that Conan Doyle was merely Watson's literary agent. Essentially, one applies Holmes's own methods to analyzing the stories, trying to explain the inconsistencies, fill the gaps, and identify the other characters and events.
Sherlock Holmes, it is interesting to note, is also the source of the word “canon” for the root text that inspires fanfiction, borrowing the Biblical word for the set of works regarded as scripture (source: lolwiki).
The Game is played in SPN fandom largely due to Ghostfacers. Ghostfacers are a team of “professional” paranormal investigators featured in Edlund’s novels-but they are also real. Harry Spangler and Ed Zeddmore run a website about urban legends, called Hell Hound’s Lair both in the books and in real life. Edlund featured Spangler, Zeddmore, and the web site in his book, Hell House.
At first, many fans believed Hell Hound’s Lair to be an invention of Edlund as a way to promote his novels. Other fans claimed that the site was real, citing the creation date of the site, the obvious labor that had gone into it, and the lack of any mention of Edlund or the series. They also cited various other “real” people, places, and events in Edlund’s novels, claiming that Edlund was using real details to write his books.
In April 2008, the Ghostfacers website appeared, laying to rest most claims that Spangler and Zeddmore were inventions of Edlund (though the appearance of Edlund’s novel Ghostfacers just one week later is sometimes used as evidence that Edlund knows Spangler, and that they are working together). Though Ghostfacers is evidence that Edlund does use true facts in his work, most fans in SPN, as in Sherlock Holmes fandom, do not believe that The Game is “real”. The moniker is true: it is just a game, almost like a treasure hunt to discover the kernels of reality in Edlund’s fiction.
After edlund_lover’s post, however, The Game became one of the wankiest wanks in history.
12:49pm, Friday, February 27, 2009
An Issue of Respect
Okay, this is going to seem really wanky. But I’ve been looking into this for a long time, and . . . I’ve got to say something.
This is about Marissa Wright.
Marissa Wright was a 26 year old from Larkin, who went to Canonsburg for their annual Oktoberfest. There she had died, due to unexplained circumstances. You might remember her: she was a minor OFC in chuck_writes’s multi-part sequel, the part in question being Monster Movie.
Marissa Wright’s family knew her as Mari, and mourned her death.
Yeah. You read that right. Marissa Wright was a real person. You might have thought, “Wow, Oktoberfest! Funny setting.” You might have thought, “Wow, so original.” But it’s not. It was real, and this is taking it too far.
There are other instances. Olivia Lowry, from Are You There, God? Luthur Garland, in Yellow Fever. Luke Wallace, The Great Pumpkin.
Look it up. Every minor character who dies? Was a real person. It’s one thing to play The Game. It’s SPN, lots of people do it. It’s another thing again to use real people who are dead to write your fanfic. Come on. There’s fandom.
There’s real life.
Have a little respect.
The internet exploded after that.
Chapter Thirteen
After edlund_lover’s post, replies to Chuck’s latest fic, “Sex and Violence”, included:
hope you die, gamble_it_away, 2009-02-27 01:01pm, UTC (link): trufax
Re: hope you die, park_the_car, 2009-02-27 01:01pm, UTC (link): hope he lives. Then we can kill him. SLOWLY.
glass_family, 2009-02-27 02:15 pm, UTC (link): You make me sick. How could you do this?
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 02:15 pm, UTC (link): Just read edlund_lover’s post. I don’t know what to think. I’m devastated. I loved your fic :(
nother_ben, 2009-02-27 02:17 pm, UTC (link): In what universe is this acceptable? I hope you get help.
samlick_er81, 2009-02-27 02:17 pm, UTC (link): Maybe it is real. You don’t know. You don’t know why he used real people! maybe it’s wrong but maybe it’s right! maybe it’s a lot like incest that way! You just don’t know! *lick lick lick*
sammy_dear, 2009-02-27 02:17 pm, UTC (link): I just read this. You know what? I used to like your fic. Now? I know you’re a dickwad. Have a little sensitivity, why don’t you? *defriends*
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 02:18 pm, UTC (link): Not cool.
long_seige, 2009-02-27 02:18 pm, UTC (link): You’re going to hell, you know. Not even Sam can save you.
What’s the Big Deal? (Anonymous), 2009-02-27 02:18 pm, UTC (link): I don’t get what the big deal is. So, chuck_writes pulled real names from real people for real events. So does Carver Edlund. Check your facts. Walter Kelly in Asylum, Ansem Weems in Simon Said. Even the infection in Croatoan is real (see this article about River Gorge outbreak). Hell, there’s even a Jessica who died at Stanford the year Sam supposedly graduated, and my husband knows someone in the FBI who says someone named “Dean Winchester” is a known serial killer.
Re: What’s the Big Deal?mic_gee, 2009-02-27 02:22 pm, UTC (link): FUCK YOU ANON.
bobby_sing_it, 2009-02-27 02:26 pm, UTC (link): We need to stop calling this wank. This is worse than that.
Re: What’s the Big Deal?, nother_ben, 2009-02-27 02:20 pm, UTC (link): Go play ur game elsewhere, anon. You’re not wanted here.
Re: What’s the Big Deal?, gamble_it_away, 2009-02-27 02:20 pm, UTC (link): maybe the difference is edlund is GOD and chuck_writes is a steaming pile of shit? Just maybe.
Re: What’s the Big Deal?, snfangirl, 2009-02-27 02:23 pm, UTC (link): anon, it’s a big deal because The Game isn’t supposed to be real. I’d never seen those links you posted or I never would have participated in it (River Gorge. That’s awful). It’s one thing to match up dates and occurrences. It’s another when it’s real people’s lives.
Re: re: What’s the Big Deal?, bobby_sing_it, 2009-02-27 02:24 pm, UTC (link): well said, snfangirl.
samlick_er81, 2009-02-27 02:26 pm, UTC (link): Wow. Not even I’m this wanky! Lol *lick lick lick*.
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 06:05 pm, UTC (link):
rpf
is
the
devil
long_seige, 2009-02-27 06:05 pm, UTC (link): this isn’t about rpf anon. it’s different.
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 06:06 pm, UTC (link): it’s all rpf
nother_ben, 2009-02-27 02:17 pm, UTC (link): Okay, no one’s seriously saying this is what rpf is. This is not what rpf is.
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 06:06 pm, UTC (link):
what is rpf?
rpf is life
life is death
rpf is the devil
rpf is GOD, (Anonymous), 2009-02-27 07:00 pm, UTC (link)
Re: rpf is GOD, glass_family, 2009-02-27 07:00 pm, UTC (link): According to gamble_it_away Edlund is God. So STFU.
Re: re rpf is GOD, (Anonymous), 2009-02-27 07:00 pm, UTC (link): Oh, is gamble your god now? I thought it was kripke
Re: re: re: rpf is GOD, glass_family, 2009-02-27 07:01 pm, UTC (link): i shit on your doorstep
Re: re: re: rpf is GOD, (Anonymous), 2009-02-27 07:00 pm, UTC (link):
get on your knees and pray
you don’t get fooled again
Chuck threw up a meal of Jack’s Supreme Croissant Combo and José Cuervo in the toilet, suffered a series of cold sweats, then pm’ed watsonian.
Hey are you around?
From chuck_writes
I really need to talk to you right now.
-C
Re: Hey are you around?
From watsonian
I don’t know if I want to talk to you.
I don’t know if I can.
---chuck_writes wrote:
>I really need to talk to you right now.
>-C
Re: re: Hey are you around?
From chuck_writes
please.
wat_so has logged on
chuck_still_writes: thanks
chuck_still_writes: i didn’t know
chuck_still_writes: i swear that i didn’t know
wat_so: Didn’t know what?
chuck_still_writes: you know what.
chuck_still_writes: i know it sounds crazy. i know you don’t believe me. but i swear to you,--I don’t even know your name
wat_so: oh. So you can kill me off in one of your stories?
chuck_still_writes: no
wat_so: Or maybe you just want to plaster my home address all over the internet.
wat_so: how do you think those families feel?
chuck_still_writes: they don’t know
wat_so: Oh. Okay. So, not enough people read your fanfic. Okay, well. You just go get yourself recced on crack_impala, why don’t you. Then enough people will read your fanfic. Then you’ll be happy, won’t you.
chuck_still_writes: no
wat_so: you just don’t even comprehend how wrong this is, do you
chuck_still_writes: I do.
chuck_still_writes: that’s the worst part, I do. it’s wrong. it’s wrong to those families. even if they never read it, its trivilizing something real and important and it doesnt matter its just fanfic. Or maybe that matters the most--that it’s just fanfic
chuck_still_writes: it’s just fanfic
chuck_still_writes: just fanfic, which means you can’t fuck with people’s lives
wat_so: Then why did you do it?
chuck_still_writes: I don’t know
chuck_still_writes: i'm drunk
wat_so has logged off.
Later that day, lord_kripke posted:
9:59 pm Friday, February 27, 2009
Oh look. Another fan apocalypse.
Replies included:
(Anonymous), 2009-02-27 10:00 pm, UTC (link): just like yesterday
Chapter Fourteen
dean_lives, the lurker-lawyer who loved Edlund!Dean, Dean Burnsfield, and Dean Winchester as one, who had commented on every single post in chuck_writes’s journal, who had not commented on the chuck vs kripke clusterfuck back in November 2008, and who usually only posted about her music list, cats, and sometimes her job, and who had never once been seen using a capital letter, ever, posted:
10:08 pm, Friday, February 27, 2009
seems my flist has exploded.
um, hi. Mostly i lurk. might as well add my two cents
I freely admit that I was a fan of c_w. I read everything they ever posted, and I loved it.
Here’s what’s difficult about fiction: it’s how we see the world. Bear with me, a moment. Philosophers better than I have argued until they died about the existence of objective reality, and the objective reality is: you’re never going to know. All you have is your perception of the world-the stories we tell ourselves.
There are other kinds of stories, the stories we read in books. See on tv, in movies, play in videogames. And then there are the stories we base on those books and tvs and movies and videogames, which are in turn based on other stories, which are in turn based on what has always been told, which are in turn based on what’s real.
In the end, there is a conflation between reality, the telling of that reality, and the perception of that telling. And in the end that perception of the telling (fandom, if you will, but it is also so much more) in turn shapes reality, which shapes the telling, which shapes the perception. We are in an endless feedback loop of the real and the perceiving, so much so that the only thing that seems sacred sometimes is the in-between: the narrative.
So, c_w. I understand why it might have seemed acceptable, even laudable, to use real events to set your stories. I understand why you may have felt that fiction was a way to make the grief of those families-what they suffered-more real somehow, true for us in a way it wasn’t before you brought it to light. I understand that you may even have similar grief in your own life, or your own family, and that this is your way of dealing with it. I hope we can all try to understand this, and try to forgive.
But c_w, I also say to you that if you have recognized this power, this power that the narrative has, please use it carefully. Please use it well. Please don’t use it to trivialize the deaths of those who were loved-or who weren’t. Please don’t use it to dismiss those lives, because in doing so you are dismissing their stories, and their families’ stories. These stories were not yours to tell-not yet.
Wait, c_w. Wait until you have your own stories-and I do believe one can have ownership of a fanfic, though not the fandom-wait until you have your own story, and tell it. Tell it, because you are a good writer. Because it comes to you. Because it is important, because it is real.
Tell it, and I am sure it will be one of the greatest stories ever told.
that's all i have to say about that really
peace out
dean_lives
Chapter Fifteen
From: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Sunday, March 1, 2009 9:16 am
Subject: Please just open it
watsonian,
I understand why you don’t want to talk to me. For the record, I agree with everything dean_lives said. And if you haven’t read that post (I’m sure you have, it was linked everywhere), you should. Because it’s true.
I just-I need to explain this. To you, because you’re my friend, and because-because it was a shitty thing it looks like I did. It was a shitty thing that I did, and I’m sure a part of you feels like I did it to you, even though I didn’t mean to, and. God, I’ve spent four hours writing this email and I still can’t even end my sentences.
What I’m trying to say is you deserve an explanation. It’s not a good one, or the right one, and maybe you won’t believe me, but it’s the truth: I was never playing a game. What I said about blacking out, the way I write, it’s true. I never looked up those deaths. I followed edlund_lover’s links and he’s totally right. I’m not arguing that: those people died. That anon was right, too-the things Carver Edlund wrote, they’re real, too. I didn’t even know the ghostfacers were real-I thought it was a stupid fandom rumor. All this time, I never knew.
I know it sounds crazy. But honestly, I never knew any of it was real. I don’t know how or why all those dates and names match up. I don’t know how I get the ideas I do. I just know that I need to write them, or else . . . I start seeing lights and I can’t see anything else and . . . I know it’s not real. The rest of it, I mean-Sam and Dean. But sometimes I can just feel Castiel in my head and it fucking hurts . . .
I know this probably doesn’t make any sense. I don’t know how it’s possible. You can just believe I’m an asshole if you want. I sort of think that anyway.
I’m sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that this happened.
I’d say keep it real, but-you know.
Chuck
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
Date: Monday, March 2, 2009 1:55 am
Subject: Re: Please just open it
You’re right. That’s crazy.
I don’t know really what you want me to believe. If you were saying you made a mistake, I could forgive you. What dean_lives said makes sense-sometimes it’s easy to lose perspective. To get caught up in everything.
I mean, look at fandom. It was a crappy thing you did, but seriously. They’re like a pack of wolves. The problem is that so many people have smart, thoughtful things to say about why what you did is wrong, about the line between fiction and reality, and it just gets lost in this big pile on.
But anyway. What I mean is, I understand. You’re still my friend. But I’m not an idiot.
I don’t know. Maybe you saw those things in newspapers and unknowingly channeled them into your writing? Something like that? But just coming up with all those names and places-people who died-coming up with that out of thin air, writing it down-and suddenly it’s true? Do you realize what you mean? That means you’re God. He spake, and thus it was.
You’re not God, Chuck. You’re just some guy. We’re all just people. We’re real, and we matter.
-w
From: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Monday, March 2, 2009 10:12 am
Subject: Re: Re: Please just open it
I know I’m not God. Maybe I just channeled it. I made a mistake. I’m sorry. Forgive me?
-Chuck
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
Date: Monday, March 2, 2009 5:18 pm
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Please just open it
I already said I forgive you. You’re the best friend I ever had in SPN fandom. And hey, at least there was a reason everyone got mad this time. Instead of just more Martha vs Rose, lol.
-w
From: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Monday, March 2, 2009 7:45 pm
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Please just open it
Chat?
-Chuck
wat_so has logged on
chuck_still_writes: hi
chuck_still_writes: I’m sorry
wat_so: that’s okay.
wat_so: I understand the channeling thing. I do that all the time.
wat_so: Write things I read in magazines and novels, I mean. And then realize they’ve already been written
chuck_still_writes: yeah.
wat_so: so
chuck_still_writes: so
chuck_still_writes: Martha vs Rose?
wat_so: hahaha Doctor Who
chuck_still_writes: can I ask you a question?
wat_so: As long as it’s not which is the better companion
chuck_still_writes: no
chuck_still_writes: It’s about Carver Edlund
chuck_still_writes: What do you think of him? I mean, his stuff was real too
wat_so: you mean ghostfacers
chuck_still_writes: I mean what that anon said in the comments
chuck_still_writes: about the Croatoan virus
chuck_still_writes: etc
chuck_still_writes: There were a lot of posts about it after that
chuck_still_writes: I was too busy throwing up Jack-in-the-Box to collect links. But there were a lot of posts about The Game. Edlund used real things. Real, upsetting things. Like things you shouldn’t use
chuck_still_writes: for a story about demons and angels
wat_so: Edlund’s story doesn’t have angels
chuck_still_writes: what
wat_so: Edlund’s story doesn’t have angels. That’s your fic.
chuck_still_writes: Right
chuck_still_writes: What I meant was that SPN is . . .
chuck_still_writes: What I meant was that SPN is . . . it’s not an important story. It’s not Pynchon. It’s not the Epic of Gilgamesh. It’s not Tolstoy, so it’s not important, right?
wat_so: No one ever said SPN wasn’t important
chuck_still_writes: what
wat_so: I can’t talk about this right now
chuck_still_writes: I didn’t mean that SPN wasn’t important. I didn’t mean that it couldn’t address those very real deaths because it wasn’t important. It couldn’t address them because it did so trivially
chuck_still_writes: Without respect
chuck_still_writes: But what I mean is
chuck_still_writes: What if it really is the end of the world
chuck_still_writes: What if it’s the apocalypse
chuck_still_writes: How do you write the end of the world
chuck_still_writes: and what if you don’t do it right?
chuck_still_writes: what if the only thing that happens
chuck_still_writes: is people fight about it
chuck_still_writes: until the end of time? Because it’s *not* fiction. But it’s *not* fact, because it’s a story. But it’s also something that happened
chuck_still_writes: but no one knew what was happening
chuck_still_writes: when it was happening
wat_so: Okay so I’m going to leave now
chuck_still_writes: what?
wat_so: Have fun with your crazy
wat_so has signed off
Chapter Sixteen
Chuck, to the disappointment of many, was not wanky enough to delete his journal; however, he never posted again.
He maintained a light correspondence with watsonian, who eventually emailed a week after their im conversation.
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
Date: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 8:36 pm
Subject: here if you need me
I’ve debated sending this email.
The thing is, you could just be an internet crazy person. I’ll never know.
But I’m not sure it changes the fact that I feel friendship towards you. I think that feeling is important.
It sounds like you’re going through some stuff. I’m sorry, I should have been there for you. It’s just hard. You’re someone I met on the internet, and you could have things going on . . . far beyond my ken. I try to be . . . a good mother. A good wife. A good volunteer, a good part-time copy editor. But I also want to be a good friend, and I haven’t been to you. So if you want to talk, I’m here.
From: chuck.fanwrites@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Wednesday, March 10, 2009 09:27 pm
Subject: Re: here if you need me
I understand, w. I’m sorry for the crazy. I don’t think I can do the LJ thing any more, but I’m trying not to do a flounce or anything. I do still want to be friends; it means so much to me. More than you can ever know. You’re right . . . I’m going through a lot right now, and it’s-it’s hard. I don’t know what any of it means, but it’s nice to know I have a friend.
-Chuck
They traded emails back and forth, desultorily, for a little over three weeks. The emails themselves are not transcribed for the sake of brevity (a quality in which I am sorely lacking). Chuck did not reveal any further crazy. He did not talk about the end of the world, or his “visions”, or the incident that had led him to run from fandom with his tail tucked between his legs.
On the internet, they called it the Marissa Wright Scandal, and used it as a cautionary tale. The anons claiming “death to rpf” eventually got tired; as the uproar died down, many fans wrote intelligent, insightful essays about the difference between rpf and the reduction of people’s lives to service a fanfic. Other fans wrote interesting essays about the lines between reality and fiction.
dean_lives never wrote another post of epic like the one that got linked everywhere, but demian_dean, to everyone’s surprise, had interesting things to say about historical events, accuracy (or lack thereof), history-as-a-narrative, and the difficulty of communication.
10:26, Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Problem With History
The Ides of March.
How did it happen?
The problem is people die every day. We don’t pay attention. How do we share it with the world? We write. How do we know it’s important-that this thing-this one story that is happening-that this will be the thing that changes the world? We don’t. Even at the death of an emperor.
Especially at the death of a peasant.
So we embellish.
Thus the birth of fiction.
Meanwhile, watsonian emailed Chuck about coffee, television, and one of her sons, named Isaac, who had cerebral palsy and blond hair. Chuck talked about his bathrobe, the possibility of buying a car, and books which he would never write, because he was still writing Supernatural. He didn’t tell her that.
He didn’t tell her that until on fine spring day in early April.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Friday, April 3, 2009 01:15 pm
Subject: it’s me
W,
It’s me. Chuck. I hope I didn’t freak you out by using this email. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I’m Carver Edlund. I know it was stupid to post fanfic of my own series. I couldn’t get it published, but anyway, it doesn’t matter now. Something much more important happened. I need to talk to someone about it. You’re the only person I have. Please. You said we could talk.
-Chuck
P.S. Chuck is my real name Carver was a pseudonym
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 02:40 am
Subject: Re: it’s me
You’re late for April Fool’s.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 03:11 am
Subject: Re: re: it’s me
I’m not joking.
Check the address.
Check the fan sites.
It’s legit.
Please. I just need to talk to you.
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 09:52 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: it’s me
I said you could talk to me.
I didn’t say you could lie to me.
I cannot believe this shit.
How could you be such a tool?
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 11:06 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: it’s me
I’m not upset that you’re Carver Edlund. Okay, I’m a little upset you’re Carver Edlund. Because I loved your books. I admired you so much. I loved the world you made for us. I needed it in my life. The idea that that person is a liar and and internet wank star is upsetting. It’s upsetting. Not crushing.
But you’re also Chuck. You were my friend. I went through a lot for you. I defended you. I stood by you. And even when I thought you’d done that horrible thing, I forgave you. And the whole time you were lying?
That’s crushing.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 09:48 am
Subject: Re: re: re: re: it’s me
I know. I’m sorry. Let me count the ways. But-and I know it’s hard to get over what you feel right now, I really do-but I need you to listen.
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 10:01 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
I’m listening. I don’t know why, but I’m listening.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 10:16 am
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
Chat?
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 10:17 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
No. I have to go to bed soon.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 10:21 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
Okay. Okay, I know you think I’m a liar. I know it’s going to sound crazy. I know that I always say that, but I’ve always said that because it’s true. My reality is crazy.
My reality also includes Sam and Dean. The trouble is, so does yours.
They’re real. I met them. In the flesh. They knew things-they shouldn’t know. Things only in my computer. I met Castiel. I know it doesn’t sound right. God, as soon as I write it down, it looks so stupid. The trouble is, though, I can’t stop writing it down. I’ve never been able to stop. Since Jess died, I couldn’t stop.
God, this means Jess is real too. Jess is real too, and I never wrote anything about her but that nurse costume and those stupid short short shorts she wore to bed.
I understand if you don’t believe me. I barely believe me either. I can’t even tell you the things Cass said, because then you really wouldn’t believe me. God.
I just have to talk to someone about it. Someone who is sane. And not bringing on the apocalypse.
Please.
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Sunday, April 5, 2009 04:19 am
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
w? I understand if you don’t believe me. Just-can you talk to me? Please?
From: carveredlund@gmail.com
To: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
Date: Sunday, April 5, 2009 08:54 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
The worst part about all of this? Is I’m afraid I’m going to die.
Lucifer is coming and all I can think about is I’m going to die.
I’m so stupid. I’m such a fuck up. Please, w. Please, I just need to talk to you.
From: watsonian.doylist@gmail.com
To: carveredlund@gmail.com
Date: Saturday, April 4, 2009 10:17 pm
Subject: Re: re: re: re: re: re: re: it’s me
I hope you get some help. I can’t deal with your problems right now, sorry.
Afterword
Afterword 2
Afterword 3
Afterword 4
Afterword 5