Goblet of Fire

Nov 21, 2005 15:01

I love these letters!

Dear 20-Something Female HP Fans,

I am a fan. I understand the need to dress up. I understand the need to make something like this movie a memorable event in your life. I do not understand propositioning young boys, making them leave their seats to take pictures with you when they obviously do not want to, and petting and fawning them when they are obviously creeped out by you. Also, when you offer him Skittles cupped in your bare hand in exchange for him taking a picture with you, you look like an advertisement against molestation.

--a fan

PS. I hate the fact that there was more than one of you, propositioning said boy on multiple occasions.

PPS. I particularly hated the one of you who had a squeaky voice.

*

Dear Daniel Radcliffe,

Thank you for acting this time. Now, will you please not take off your shirt for another thirty years? I assure you, by then, I might find you hot.

--someone too old for you, but not too old for a Fred/George sandwich, thank you

*

Dear Male HP Villains,

Fuck me?

Yours, &tc.

*

Dear God,

Please forgive me for shouting “kiddie porn!” when Cedric Diggory told Harry to take a bath and then looked him over with a significant expression. Please also forgive M. Newell for obliging my request in the next scene with Harry and Moaning Myrtle.

--me

P.S. Hail Mary!

*

Dear Andrew Lloyd Webber,

Please note Ralph Fiennes sans nose. If you must insist on giving the Phantom a nose so he can sing properly, please note Ralph Fiennes anyway. It is possibly to be ugly as all fuck, sick, death-like, gross, and Eeeeevil, and still be hot anyway. Just because you are Ralph Fiennes. In your slightly-zitty-in-one-corner face, Gerard Butler!

--a phan

*

Dear John Williams,

Did you die without me noticing? As much as I love Patrick Doyle, you have my heart. Especially if you really are dead.

--a necrophiliac

fandom: harry potter, fandom: other, movies

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