(no subject)
this is not for attention. this is not to get sympathy or to even get pity. i don't do it for the sake of others. simply put...it is how i feel. and i cannot seem to change anything that is wrong with me. i don't want to feel like this all the time. i don't want to cry all the time. but it just comes out. and i can't stop it. and no matter what anyone tells me, it doesn't change anything. i can't help that i hate myself so much right now or that i wish i could just disapppear for a little while until i was ready. i feel like a conveur belt. somewhere along the way, something got stuck. and everything behind it just keeps building up and building up. and if it would all just go away or change, it wouldn't be stuck anymore and everything could even out and i would feel better. but it won't go away. it won't change. and i can barely even think about how to make it go away. or change. if only he'd come to me. i have this weight on my heart and it hurts to wake up everyday. you wouldn't believe me would you?