my lifeee as of right now SUCKS.
ugh. so okay as of right now my life officially sucks. i dunno why, maybe its because i did something i shouldn`t have..yeh now that i think of it thats problly why. anyways..i just feel like everything is falling apart. i mean my imediate family(*mom, dad, brother and me, **not so much my sister**) are just not getting along at all, my parents don`t trust me at all, but they trust my brother with their lives..i mean thats so unfair..idk and me and my mom have our good days but for the most part she just constantly yells at me even when i don`t even know what i did wrong. i just don`t understand how when she looks at me she finds every single fault i don`t think shes missed one...and when she looks at my brother all she sees is the innocent straight A student whos extreamly good at hockey and might not have alot of friends, but he has a few good ones that keep him outta trouble....my mom is fucking retarded and im sick of it...whenever i go anywhere with ANY of my friends she suspects that im doing something wrong..i mean shes still thinks im doing bad things when i go bowling with my best friend and her family. i mean she has no reason to think i do anything wrong. shes NEVER caught me doing anything bad but maybe swearing (which isn`t bad but i guess to her it is) and thats it. i mean it pisses me off that she thinks im the bad child..im not saying i never do the wrong thing...cause i do ...but she needs to trust me...i mean even if it kills her to let me go out with some of my friends that she may not trust, she`ll let me anyways, but she just has to ask so many questions that i really don`t know the answer to and it gets so fucking annoying, i mean i knwo its prolly just cause she cares but its driving me insane and idk what to do..cause i mean, when we have our good days everything is fine and shes like my best friend, then the next day i`ll wanna go do something with someone she doesnt know or doesnt nessicarilly like and she`ll get all sub-conseious and she always argues with me over the gayest things..like how i dont do my homework right when i get home from school, she doesnt argue with my brother about that, no she just lets him play his fucking video games, which rotts his brain, so i don`t see how hes a straight A student. ugh......and my dad is the same way except hes not home enough to controll any of it, and when he is home he`s a pain in the ass cause he sits on the couch all day and watches movies or whatever, and my mom wonders why i dont do my homework, well has she thought about how my dad has a fucking theater set up for movies in the living room which is always blareing cause my dad needs a fucking hearing aid, and i can`t concentrait cause i can hear his movie from my room, like right now... an dits fucking annoying, all he does is work sleep and eat, and then he yells at me for the dishes in the dish washer not being unloaded....am i the one that durtied them??? no im not...the only time i use the dishes is at dinner and i wash my own plate. so fuck that. ugh whatever...
....but thats not the only part of my life thats falling apart...ugh i don`t even really want to get into this next part...but i will cause i need to get it off my chest. i guess?
well the one thing thats been holding me together and brightening my day hasn`t exsactly been there these last few weeks. i mean it was the one thing that i could count on, and it totally let me down. like i was up all night crying last night because i didnt know what to do. i realized something tho, you can`t drive a car that`s out of gas, i mean if this thing really wanted to be there it would, every minute of every hour that could possible be avalible...and i found out something that just CRUSHED my heart, and this thing that brightens up my day, they don`t know i know. but they should i`ve hinted it enough...when i read this thing that i found....i was happy, so happy, but when i read the reply, my heart just dropped like i could feel my heart just plain out STOP BEATiNG. it was the worst feeling i could ever feel. i dont know how to describe it...it was really bad tho...i got this chill up my spine and then i just couldn`t stop crying...so i decided to go out on my picnic table in my backyard && stare at the stars and that just made it worse...every star reminded me of a memory that i was losing...i don`t want to let this thing go cause its been one of the best things that has ever happened to me...but i`ve known about this thing i found for a while..but i just now prooved it to be true. so i`ve got to let this go..if i hold on it will hurt 10 times worse than letting go..its a lose lose situation...so it doesnt really matter which way i go i`ll still get hurt, so i migh tas well go the less painfull way...but the funny thing is, this isn`t the first time something this good has slipped away...so you`d think i`d know it was too good to be true. but no i just had to go be a stupid fucking whore. ugh..i really don`t know..i just hate myself so much because i accually belived EVERY THING that happened and that was said. and it KILLS me cause i know it was all a lie. every last breath was a lie. and it tears me apart to see that someone has that much hate in themselves that they`d like to someone like that. i know if i had that much hate for myself i`d isolate myself from the word so i didnt hurt anyone any more than i already had. its rediculous. i thought this was different tho, for some reason i was drawn in and hooked....then they started weeling me in, then a bigger fish just came and bit the hook as well, and this person weeled us both in...the only difference is that i know there were two of us, the other fish doesn`t. so someone fucking tell me what i shoudl do?
if anyone can make sense of eather of those two things...comment <33 pleaseeeeeee
the only one thing thats going absolutly great right now is hockey, but im guessing that is bound to get fucked up soon...:-\
i`ve been playing really well lately and i just don`t want this to go bad, its the one thing in my life at the moment that allows me to escape from all this bullshit going on in my life.
peace i gg finish my homework && shower...
<33
some spill canvas songs that pretty much explain how i feel about the second situation.....
How does it feel to know you're everything I need
The butterflies in my stomach
They could bring me to my knees
How does it feel to know you're everything I want
I've got a hard time saying this
So I'll sing it in a song
Oh I adore the way you carry yourself
With the grace of a thousand angels overhead
I love the way the galaxy starts to melt
When we become one
When we become one
When we become one
When we become one
How does it feel
How does it feel when we get locked into a stare?
Please don't come looking for me
When I get lost in the mess of your hair
How do you feel when everything you've known
Gets thrown aside
Never fear, my dear, 'cause we have nothing left to hide
Oh I adore the way you carry yourself
With the grace of a thousand angels overhead
I love the way the galaxy starts to melt
Hold on to me girl
If you feel your grip getting loose
Just know that I'm right next to you
Hold on to me girl
If you feel your grip getting loose
Just know that I won't let you down
Well, I'm ready
Well, I'm ready
I am ready
To run away with you
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
To run away with me
Pack your things we can leave today
Pack your things we can leave today
Say our goodbyes and get on the train
Say goodbye
Just you and I in the sweet unknown
We can just call each other our home
If I had to choose a way to die
It'd be with you
In a goosebump infested embrace
With my overanxious hands cupping your face
In a goosebump infested embrace
With my overanxious hands cupping your cherub face
How does it feel?
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I see a sense of wonder deep inside your eyes
As we're sparkling and twirling in the twilight
And after three long years, I think that we both need this
So we seal the deal in the parking lot with a kiss
And in case you
And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me
You're all kinds of beautiful as you end my day
And you sweetly retire as stars chase you away
I'd collapse to the grass, with your notes ringing in my head
Let the rain fill my mouth, and in a couple hours I'll be dead
But all the while my lips are whistling our tune
But the beauty lies in how you will revive me soon
And in case you, and in case you
And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me
You're all kinds of beautiful as you end my day
And you sweetly retire as the stars chase you away
And in case you were wondering, you are like a sunset to me
You're all kinds of beautiful as you end my day
And you sweetly retire as the stars chase you away
And in case you were wondering, you are like a hurricane to me
Your violence is beautiful, and your center sweet
Now tell me this, do you know how we'd meet?
And in case you were wondering, you are everything to me (to me)
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this one is kinda how i think that this wonderfull amazing thing feels...but idk.
My empty promises
Led to our demise
And I could never tell you how I really feel
And for that I eternally apologize
I hope you never forget the tapping at your window
With the harsh cold and the jealousy
Running through my bones
We were both selfish, but I think I was more
I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of myself that I have never seen
Yeah, we were young and dumb, but it still was fun
And I guess these things just tend to fall apart
And I hope you feel the same
My empty promises
My empty promises
Brought us to an end
I just hurt you and I never looked back
Now I have no logic to defend
I hope you never forget the tapping at your window
With the harsh cold and the jealousy
Running through my bones
We were both selfish, but I think I was more
I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of myself that I have never seen
Yeah, we were young and dumb, but it still was fun
And I guess these things just tend to fall apart
I would like to thank you, for showing me
A part of the world that I have never seen
Yeah, I was young and dumb, but it still was fun
I'm forever indebted to you
I hope you feel the same
You seem like such a big part
Of my life and my heart
But the truth is I've found something new
And she easily towers over you
You seem like such a big part
Of my life and my heart
But the truth is I've found something new
And she easily towers over you
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this ones like perfect
In one fell swoop it became clear to me,
that I despise you entirely,
but the good news is I'm gonna keep you around
And so your lust is just convenient now
Crack open a bottle of red
Let's toast to this here bed
Offer up your hand
My one night, two month, three year stand
And all at once it became clear to me,
that you're allergic to honesty
And you don't even have a friend around
And so my lust is just convenient now
Crack open a bottle of red
Let's toast to this here bed
Offer up your hand
My one night, two month, three year stand
I'm on my knees,
but so are you
Unfortunately for the wrong reasons
I keep incessantly believing that you're pure,
but you know it's not true
There's nothing wrong with being lonely
Crack open a bottle of red
Let's toast to this here bed
Offer up your hand
My one night, two month, three year stand
Crack open a bottle of red
Let's toast to this here bed
Offer up your hand
My one night, two month, three year stand
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kinda??
The streets are dark, my pulse is flat-lined
as I'm running to you
You sit completely unaware of what I'm about to do
The air is thick with tension much like when we are together
My fangs are aching as I'm pondering about you and I forever
As I round your corner
I am nervous that you won't be my lover
I knock three times and hope that my pale complexion won't blow my cover
You answer the door with your innocent face
Would you like to leave this human race, tonight?
Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally will live our infallible love
My brain is pumping an unusual secretion of lust
Your eyes are softer now
and your chin, it drips a bloody color of rust
I am raising up the stakes of this round, I am playing for keeps
Oh, would you like to leave this human race, tonight?
Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally will live our infallible love
Follow me into the sea
We'll drown together and immortalize you and me
Leave behind this lonely town
We're both better than this, it's not worth being down
Eternity will never be enough for me
and eternally will live our infallible love
Follow me into the sea
We'll drown together and immortalize you and me
Leave behind this lonely town (eternally)
We're both better than this, it's not worth being down (eternally)
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Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore
She loves salting my wounds
Yes, she enjoys nothing more
I bleed confidence from deep within my guts now
I'm the king of this pity party with my jewel encrusted crown
I wanna tear apart your room
to see if what you say is true
Darling don't you lie, lie to me
I wanna break into your heart
to see why you want us apart
Oh, I'm scared to death to find out what you think of me
Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore
She loves salting my wounds
Yes, she enjoys nothing more
I bleed confidence from deep within my guts now
I'm the king of this pity party with my jewel encrusted crown
According to you we don't click,
that's a blatant lie and you know it
Angel, what are you hiding from me?
If there is truly another secret lunch-break,
working late lover
then I would die, but at least then I'd be free
Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore
She loves salting my wounds
Yes, she enjoys nothing more
I bleed confidence from deep within my guts now
I'm the king of this pity party with my jewel encrusted crown
Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore
She loves salting my wounds
Yes, she enjoys nothing more
I bleed confidence from deep within my guts now
I'm the king of this pity party with my jewel encrusted crown
Fate is an elegant, cold-hearted whore
She loves salting my wounds
Yes, she enjoys nothing more
I bleed confidence from deep within my guts now
I'm the king of this pity party with my jewel encrusted crown
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^ so those are the songs that describe the second situation...if anyone can make sense of any of this...the comment or IM me or whatever...PLEASE
xo Gina