[Admiral's Inbox]
From: nogura.h@sf.fed
To: chandra.n@sf.fed, decker.m@sf.fed, mitchell.p@sf.fed, paris.e@sf.fed, pike.c@sf.fed, westervliet.a@sf.fed, xon.l@sf.fed
Fwd: Subject: Strange excerpts from Starfleet Academy entrance essays
______
I don't think Admiral Archer is supposed to be leaking these, but they are sort of amusing - and who has he to answer to but himself, after all? (Keep this message contained and please do not forward it to anyone below Captain or any non-SF personnel, though, just in case.)
Also, if one of you was the one who sent him the link to the 'macro' site, never do anything like that again or I will personally see you demoted.
Have a pleasant day.
-
Admiral Heihachiro Nogura
-
______
-Original Message-
From: archer.j@sf.fed
To: barnett.r@sf.fed, endicott.r@sf.fed, fitzpatrick.e@sf.fed, komack.j@sf.fed, mayweather.t@sf.fed, nogura.h@sf.fed, nsomeka.m@sf.fed, sato.h@sf.fed, tpol@sf.fed
Subject: Strange excerpts from Starfleet Academy entrance essays
______
Early application season is upon us once again. Here are some snippets from some of the more ... interesting applications from past years.
______
- "This footnote is encrypted. Please do not accept me, my mother made me apply." (Archer's note: As you wish.)
- "This footnote is encrypted. Please, please accept my daughter. She wants to be a hairstylist and that is unacceptable for someone as promising and intelligent as she is." (Archer's note: Madam, the applicant's wishes take precedence over the applicant's overbearing mother's.)
- "I wish to lucubrate on the Earth in order to learn about the Earthmans and their very many flavors." (Archer's note: No comment.)
- "I started meeting Starfleet's standards of excellence early. My pediatrician always said I must have been the product of an outstanding ovum and a truly sensational sperm cell." (Archer's note: Cheeky kid, that one.)
- "My family have been proud members of Starfleet for ten generations, going all the way back to the first Starfleet captain ever, Jonathan Archer." (Archer's note: 1) I'm not even distantly related to you, 2) I was not the 'first captain ever', and 3) I'm still alive, kid. It hasn't been ten generations yet, thanks very much - too bad you didn't realize I go through the applications when the mood strikes.)
- "I don't know why I have to write an entrance essay, since you were the ones who recruited me. But you apparently need a thousand words of bullshit, so here you go. That counted as the first thirty-two." (Archer's note: This one went on to be quite successful, believe it or not.)
- "I am from the planet I'kii'nyyr'ov, known to Hoomans as Nyyrovia, where the nighttime heat makes us sweat through our ky'lissski and the clouds swirl overhead deep and purple as the frothy mucus of a jyi'kssi'vi dung beetle." (Archer's note: Nyyrovia exists, but a translation for 'ky'lissski' was never found, and it was never definitively proven if this was a hoax application.)
- "I would like all concerned to know that although my medical record indicates a diagnosis of autophagia, I have it mostly under control and will not attempt to eat my own feet again as such a thing would be detrimental to captaining a starship." (Archer's note: Indeed it would.)
- "I believe that Columbia University is the right place for me because..." (Archer's note: Check your destination before you send your transmission. I wonder if he was ever admitted to Columbia.)
______
Attachments (2) - 88.71 KB
-
Fleet Admiral Jonathan H. Archer
-
To: chandra.n@sf.fed, decker.m@sf.fed, mitchell.p@sf.fed, paris.e@sf.fed, pike.c@sf.fed, westervliet.a@sf.fed, xon.l@sf.fed
Fwd: Subject: Strange excerpts from Starfleet Academy entrance essays
______
I don't think Admiral Archer is supposed to be leaking these, but they are sort of amusing - and who has he to answer to but himself, after all? (Keep this message contained and please do not forward it to anyone below Captain or any non-SF personnel, though, just in case.)
Also, if one of you was the one who sent him the link to the 'macro' site, never do anything like that again or I will personally see you demoted.
Have a pleasant day.
-
Admiral Heihachiro Nogura
-
______
-Original Message-
From: archer.j@sf.fed
To: barnett.r@sf.fed, endicott.r@sf.fed, fitzpatrick.e@sf.fed, komack.j@sf.fed, mayweather.t@sf.fed, nogura.h@sf.fed, nsomeka.m@sf.fed, sato.h@sf.fed, tpol@sf.fed
Subject: Strange excerpts from Starfleet Academy entrance essays
______
Early application season is upon us once again. Here are some snippets from some of the more ... interesting applications from past years.
______
- "This footnote is encrypted. Please do not accept me, my mother made me apply." (Archer's note: As you wish.)
- "This footnote is encrypted. Please, please accept my daughter. She wants to be a hairstylist and that is unacceptable for someone as promising and intelligent as she is." (Archer's note: Madam, the applicant's wishes take precedence over the applicant's overbearing mother's.)
- "I wish to lucubrate on the Earth in order to learn about the Earthmans and their very many flavors." (Archer's note: No comment.)
- "I started meeting Starfleet's standards of excellence early. My pediatrician always said I must have been the product of an outstanding ovum and a truly sensational sperm cell." (Archer's note: Cheeky kid, that one.)
- "My family have been proud members of Starfleet for ten generations, going all the way back to the first Starfleet captain ever, Jonathan Archer." (Archer's note: 1) I'm not even distantly related to you, 2) I was not the 'first captain ever', and 3) I'm still alive, kid. It hasn't been ten generations yet, thanks very much - too bad you didn't realize I go through the applications when the mood strikes.)
- "I don't know why I have to write an entrance essay, since you were the ones who recruited me. But you apparently need a thousand words of bullshit, so here you go. That counted as the first thirty-two." (Archer's note: This one went on to be quite successful, believe it or not.)
- "I am from the planet I'kii'nyyr'ov, known to Hoomans as Nyyrovia, where the nighttime heat makes us sweat through our ky'lissski and the clouds swirl overhead deep and purple as the frothy mucus of a jyi'kssi'vi dung beetle." (Archer's note: Nyyrovia exists, but a translation for 'ky'lissski' was never found, and it was never definitively proven if this was a hoax application.)
- "I would like all concerned to know that although my medical record indicates a diagnosis of autophagia, I have it mostly under control and will not attempt to eat my own feet again as such a thing would be detrimental to captaining a starship." (Archer's note: Indeed it would.)
- "I believe that Columbia University is the right place for me because..." (Archer's note: Check your destination before you send your transmission. I wonder if he was ever admitted to Columbia.)
______
Attachments (2) - 88.71 KB
-
Fleet Admiral Jonathan H. Archer
-