My Grandpa Died Today.
For over a year now he had been suffering with cancer and for over a year now I have tried to avoid going to visit. I always though I would have more time to get to say goodbye. That's all I wanted, was to say goodbye and let him know that I loved him. I was so scared to go see him though. I wanted to be able to remember my grandpa as the heathy looking him. I didn't want to see him dying and I never wanted to say goodbye. So even though he kept asking for me to come see him I kept putting it off. Even though I knew the doctors were giving him less and less time I kept putting it off. And now that I know I let him slip past me and left him the impression that I didn't care enough to see him I can't help but be mad at myself just like my mom told me I would be. I looked around at everyone today and saw how well they were all taking it and I can only assume it was because they had a better idea of how close it was coming. I looked at my paw paw's body and it was so surreal I was waiting for him to move but he just never would. I just wanted someone to tell me they were playing a horrible joke on me but they never did. This was the first time I ever saw my grandma cry. I really do love my grandpa and I just wish he new that. This is probably the hardest thing I have had to deal with yet.