Yes the rumors are true.
First off i wanna say thank you for everyone who was trying to cheer me up.
You all said pretty much the same thing.
<3
"You don't need him."
"Oh fuck boys."
Personally thank you but its fine.
I don't wanna think of fuck boys and oh i don't need him, because frankly he was wonderful.
We never fought , although one time i did hit him in the balls really hard and he got mad..might i add i still feel bad about it.
Yes. i am said it's over but frankly i never thought it would start.
Am i happy it did. FUCKK YESSS.
Have you seen him?!
Ha.
Do i think it was supposed to end?
No, i don't feel that at all.
Apparently he did.
But hey i wasn't the one ending things.
Whatever it is his choice.
Did i see it coming.
OHH yeahh. I was stressing for days. I couldn't eat or sleep. I kept putting myself down saying i am not good enough he could do better. Everything you can think of i did or thought about.
I am so happy i did it but i don't feel like. Ah how do i explain this.
Like you know when you run a mile you feel like you completed it and you feel like you gave it your all and your feel like that was all you could give.
Well i feel like i didn't. That it was to soon to be over. That i didn't complete the mile i only did a mear 2/4 of the way not even.
One thing is that i don't understand is where did it go wrong. None the less what went wrong. I know it wasn't out of the blue and all but it kinda was in a way.
Nothing went wrong just i saw it coming.
That is the only way how is isn't out of the blue.
Yes he has his reasons.
Don't we all.
I don't hate him.
I know ex's your supposed to hate but i don't hate him.
I knew it was coming. I knew it.
So maybe that is why i am handeling it so well.
I didn't even cry that much...well just off and on a lot.
Don't let the smile fool you, i am dying in the inside and breaking down.
In a way i am happy its over yes, no stress.
In a way i am depressed and sad it is because i still like him a lot!
I still care for him and just because its over he is still going to be number 4 on my top people behind all my besties.
I still wanna go and cheer him on for his swim meets.
I still wanna chat maybe sometimes on AIM.
I mean i don't know how long it will take but i don't hate the guy.
Do i wish we were still together.
Oh fuck yes.
I stayed up every night during Spring Break and wished for Robert.
Wished for us to stay together for akjdaal;sd some months.
I thought a lot more than we had not even two...It would have been btw on Monday.
I wished for him to "love" me like no other.
No, no not sexual.
I just wanted him to look back on me and say yeah i am glad i dated her.
She was nice.
Not oh her yeah we dated a month and a half ehh no biggy.
I wished for girls to back off.
I wished more than anything to be ungrounded and that i would get better grades.
I wished that he would call me and make me feel good and re-a-sure me thats everything is fine and none the less call me back.
I wished for me to stop thinking all the time.
I wished and wished and wished and wished like i haven't in my whole life.
Wishes do come true.
I made one when i laid eyes on Robert..that came true.
I made a lot when i was little to get a cat.
I got tons. Well i found all these kittens in my backyard.
So wishes do come true. But i guess this was out of my hands of wishing. Out of my hands period.
It was in his hands. People say "oh if i knew he was going to break up with me i would have done it first".
I wouldn't have frankly..
I knew it was coming and he had his reasons.
What would mine been, "oh i am beating you to the punch"!
No, that is just bitchy and stupid.
No offense.
I don't really think i would have done anything different.
It is just really hard. I am still waiting to wake up and him say "APRIILL FOOLS"
That won't happen.
Maybe Friday the 13 wont be to bad. I mean how can it get any worse?
And as i said that i thought of 456789075863245136895 more ways it could get worse.
WOW.
I just hope we can be friends, that is all.
And if i am not good enough to be his friend, so be it, i will some how manage like i am now.
I am just not going to be able to sleep for a while nor eat really.
I am probably going to be real depressed.
Not my normal self people just a warning.
Although its over i know i know, every time the phone rings i go running to see who it is.
Givin that hope, that leap of faith that it will be him to see how i am to see how i am copeing.
So it's over.
If you bothered to read all that .
Thanks.
I hope i can get over this soon.
I highly doubt i will.
I think i will have to cry myself to sleep.
That is all.
Let's see how these next few weeks are going to be going.
So this isn't a goodbye.
It is just a simply see you around.
We can still be friends...can't we?