mental block, and all that shit.
So, it's the holidays, and I've done f-u-c-k all. Sitting at home, devouring fic after fic, mostly. I've gone out of the house approximately twice. Right now I'm doing a Glee camp with my one true love, fearlessforlife and we are both pissed about the solos, as usual. Whazzz new.
I'm doing the 'rap' in Born This Way, she's doing a piece in Don't Stop Believing. Needless to say neither of us are pleased. In other notes, I can't sing, I can't dance and all I can do is karate. My voice cracks during it because, yenno, I need to breath sometime and I'm jerking like a robot and trying to pronounce complicated words, eugh. Also there are some annoying children, don't know when to shut up, feel the need to inform us that their hand has a pattern from the carpet, etc.
let me die.
spencer knows how i feel because spencer is my spirit animal.
In the real important front; I have 6000 words in my fic. And I'm nowhere near done. This is pretty good, considering my longest fic is about 7000 in a series that was spread out over a few chapters and apart from that, the longest is a 4000 crossover that I abandoned 'cuz I knew nothing about Chicago. I know a lot more now, thanks to the scene, but that's... about the scene. Not the ~logistics or whatever.
Also, I feel like crying. Panic! gave us sneaky hints of cups and rowing oars, reminding me, obviously, of Oxford, or more generally, England. I crossed my cut up fingers (story for another day) and hoped that Ireland be included in this UK tour.
PANIC! ARE SUCH TROLLS. A US TOUR. like the US don't get enough as it is. I've never been to a concert. I KNOW. What is my life? Believe me, I've tried, but there are a number of things holding me back;
a. I live in the back of fucking beyond
b. I am poor
c. Tickets sell out before I get my paws on them
Florence & The Machine, 30 Seconds To Mars, Green Day, Muse, My Chemical Romance and Blink-182 are all bands that I've desperately wanted to see, and tried to procure tickets. Florence was the closest I got, in that I actually attempted to get them. The rest were either
a. Over 16's (ahem, 30stm looking at you.)
b. $$$
or c. $$$$$$$$$$$$. (Green Day, looking at you.)
Speaking of Green Day, I remembered this earlier and got all heat up and decided to vent. Then I got distracted by sobbing over the Panic! dates and forgot, but I just re-remembered.
When Green Day was playing in Marley Park last year, tickets were €70, no joke. REDIC amounts, I'm sure you agree. Back in the day of MSN group chats, myself and some cairde were chatting away about attending, me not taking it seriously, knowing I wouldn't be able to afford. Suddenly it seems they were going, and they start pushing at me to buy tickets. I respond many times that I can't and they demand to know. Now, my family is not well off, at all. Mammy works two jobs, but things are really tight, and back then it was worse because we only had one source of income. Naturally I was slightly embarrassed about the poorness so I didn't want to admit.
But one of them, let's call her Leah, wouldn't take no for an answer. Now, she, she is well off. I mean seriously. She was considering going to boarding school to get away from her classmates who didn't like (and is now BFF with but that's another story!) and all. She started attacking me, saying I was a bad friend and all that jazz.
Eventually I told her that I just couldn't afford it, end of story. "Well, duh, get your mother to pay," was her answer. I'm afraid to say I lost it then. She told me to save up - I told I was saving for collage, look at the fecking fees, jesus, she tells me to do work around the house to get money. I tell her I do. She says, and I quote just not all sic cuz I can't read it, oh my god, "that's because you are lazy," and I just lost it. Told her she was acting spoilt, not all of us have money, etc. She didn't talk to me for a while after that.
I honestly started crying. I remember standing in front of my mirror, something I always do when I cry, to kick me up and say 'you look like an idiot stop crying,' and just wondering why was it so hard for people to understand that not everyone can afford to buy whatever they want (case in point, her Christmas present? a new laptop. mine? a few books and a dress that I was perfectly happy with!) Please ignore me, I'm just feeling ranty and shit now.
xoxo, gossip girl
I'm doing the 'rap' in Born This Way, she's doing a piece in Don't Stop Believing. Needless to say neither of us are pleased. In other notes, I can't sing, I can't dance and all I can do is karate. My voice cracks during it because, yenno, I need to breath sometime and I'm jerking like a robot and trying to pronounce complicated words, eugh. Also there are some annoying children, don't know when to shut up, feel the need to inform us that their hand has a pattern from the carpet, etc.
let me die.
spencer knows how i feel because spencer is my spirit animal.
In the real important front; I have 6000 words in my fic. And I'm nowhere near done. This is pretty good, considering my longest fic is about 7000 in a series that was spread out over a few chapters and apart from that, the longest is a 4000 crossover that I abandoned 'cuz I knew nothing about Chicago. I know a lot more now, thanks to the scene, but that's... about the scene. Not the ~logistics or whatever.
Also, I feel like crying. Panic! gave us sneaky hints of cups and rowing oars, reminding me, obviously, of Oxford, or more generally, England. I crossed my cut up fingers (story for another day) and hoped that Ireland be included in this UK tour.
PANIC! ARE SUCH TROLLS. A US TOUR. like the US don't get enough as it is. I've never been to a concert. I KNOW. What is my life? Believe me, I've tried, but there are a number of things holding me back;
a. I live in the back of fucking beyond
b. I am poor
c. Tickets sell out before I get my paws on them
Florence & The Machine, 30 Seconds To Mars, Green Day, Muse, My Chemical Romance and Blink-182 are all bands that I've desperately wanted to see, and tried to procure tickets. Florence was the closest I got, in that I actually attempted to get them. The rest were either
a. Over 16's (ahem, 30stm looking at you.)
b. $$$
or c. $$$$$$$$$$$$. (Green Day, looking at you.)
Speaking of Green Day, I remembered this earlier and got all heat up and decided to vent. Then I got distracted by sobbing over the Panic! dates and forgot, but I just re-remembered.
When Green Day was playing in Marley Park last year, tickets were €70, no joke. REDIC amounts, I'm sure you agree. Back in the day of MSN group chats, myself and some cairde were chatting away about attending, me not taking it seriously, knowing I wouldn't be able to afford. Suddenly it seems they were going, and they start pushing at me to buy tickets. I respond many times that I can't and they demand to know. Now, my family is not well off, at all. Mammy works two jobs, but things are really tight, and back then it was worse because we only had one source of income. Naturally I was slightly embarrassed about the poorness so I didn't want to admit.
But one of them, let's call her Leah, wouldn't take no for an answer. Now, she, she is well off. I mean seriously. She was considering going to boarding school to get away from her classmates who didn't like (and is now BFF with but that's another story!) and all. She started attacking me, saying I was a bad friend and all that jazz.
Eventually I told her that I just couldn't afford it, end of story. "Well, duh, get your mother to pay," was her answer. I'm afraid to say I lost it then. She told me to save up - I told I was saving for collage, look at the fecking fees, jesus, she tells me to do work around the house to get money. I tell her I do. She says, and I quote just not all sic cuz I can't read it, oh my god, "that's because you are lazy," and I just lost it. Told her she was acting spoilt, not all of us have money, etc. She didn't talk to me for a while after that.
I honestly started crying. I remember standing in front of my mirror, something I always do when I cry, to kick me up and say 'you look like an idiot stop crying,' and just wondering why was it so hard for people to understand that not everyone can afford to buy whatever they want (case in point, her Christmas present? a new laptop. mine? a few books and a dress that I was perfectly happy with!) Please ignore me, I'm just feeling ranty and shit now.
xoxo, gossip girl