I don't have anyone to hang out with :(
Its been a while.
Sunday night I met Kristen up in Albany for a couple of nights. I felt like I was on vacation. It was the best couple of nights I've had in a really long time. I got to see my best friends all together and really enjoy them. I really am so lucky to have so many incredible people in my life. It is rather comical that the place I wanted to leave so much was the place that I found solace. I think it may have nothing to do with the location and everything to do with the people.
Being home has been much less enjoyable than I expected. Some days are great and others aren't. I think it has mostly to do with living in my house. I just cannot get myself to open up and deal with my mother. I have spent my whole life attempting to detach myself from her emotionally but that means I'm at home constantly confronted with her. She is not so bad, but I think its a developed defense mechanism. Most of the time I can't relate to her like most people. She has two personalities the one that obsesses about money and being able to buy things we need while squandering what we have on nonsense, who also has the same thoughts on loop in her head and repeats them over and over out loud until who ever is around wants to fucking jump out the window. And she has the normal funny intelligent adult who is easy to talk to and has other things besides herself to think about. This is the one who is open to new ideas and won't constantly hand you a lecture when all you want is a listener. This is the good person that I enjoy, but she rarely comes out. My brother and sister battle with the same thing I'm pretty sure. But this makes living at home EXHAUSTING.
Went to Max's in new paltz last night. He made dinner and I met all of his housemates. They were really nice and I had a good time. The meal was scrumptious and I got delightfully drunk on wine and mojitos. We'll see where this goes. I don't even know where I want it to go. One step at a time I suppose. The only shitty thing: New Paltz is a far drive, especially when you're tired.
Sunday night I met Kristen up in Albany for a couple of nights. I felt like I was on vacation. It was the best couple of nights I've had in a really long time. I got to see my best friends all together and really enjoy them. I really am so lucky to have so many incredible people in my life. It is rather comical that the place I wanted to leave so much was the place that I found solace. I think it may have nothing to do with the location and everything to do with the people.
Being home has been much less enjoyable than I expected. Some days are great and others aren't. I think it has mostly to do with living in my house. I just cannot get myself to open up and deal with my mother. I have spent my whole life attempting to detach myself from her emotionally but that means I'm at home constantly confronted with her. She is not so bad, but I think its a developed defense mechanism. Most of the time I can't relate to her like most people. She has two personalities the one that obsesses about money and being able to buy things we need while squandering what we have on nonsense, who also has the same thoughts on loop in her head and repeats them over and over out loud until who ever is around wants to fucking jump out the window. And she has the normal funny intelligent adult who is easy to talk to and has other things besides herself to think about. This is the one who is open to new ideas and won't constantly hand you a lecture when all you want is a listener. This is the good person that I enjoy, but she rarely comes out. My brother and sister battle with the same thing I'm pretty sure. But this makes living at home EXHAUSTING.
Went to Max's in new paltz last night. He made dinner and I met all of his housemates. They were really nice and I had a good time. The meal was scrumptious and I got delightfully drunk on wine and mojitos. We'll see where this goes. I don't even know where I want it to go. One step at a time I suppose. The only shitty thing: New Paltz is a far drive, especially when you're tired.