[SR] Ellen Dore Watson quote
[Set in Broken Promise Land. Xander is mr_stealthypnts and use with permission from his mun who made a request for a Xander kiss. This probably wasn’t who Xander was expecting. Backstory for the verse, during the summer when Dean was in Hell.]
“Between us now is the continent we didn't finish, and one person's regret. Because you have none, this is what I will never tell you: I took too many days off from loving you.”
Cordelia has no idea how he found her.
In fact, she doesn’t want to know how he found her. If someone called him to come find her, that would only make her feel even more depressed than she already was. Really, in the end, she just wanted to be left alone. She was miserable, in pain, and lonely as hell. Frankly, she would have rather just holed up in her motel room for the rest of her life, but someone had seen fit to send someone for her. She just didn’t know why, of all people, it had to be him.
She had started hiding away about three months ago. It had started with this man’s death, in her visions, his body torn apart by something that she couldn’t see. The pain alone was enough to leave her screaming and Lorne really didn’t know what to do with her. So after a week of visions every day that left her sobbing and seeing the worried look on his face, she took off, looking to just ride these out and wait for them to stop. She found a motel room, closed the curtains, and left the room dark, spending her time drinking, trying to sleep, and only venturing out when she was out of booze, food, or pain killers. As far as she was concerned, these visions might just be the ones that killed her. And if that was to be the case, she sure hoped that the Powers that Be knew just what the hell they were doing.
Every day was the same. Every day the demon asked and every day the answer was no. And then the pain came, again and again. It wasn’t her pain, but she felt it as real as her own. Every time this demon cut into the person in her visions, she felt it slice through her like butter. Over and over again, until she wasn’t sure if it was him she was hearing scream or herself. Every day the offer came, every day for three months and the answer was no. He was stronger than they ever gave him credit for.
The day Xander came was the day Dean said yes. She was so delirious from the pain of the visions at that point, she didn’t even realize the implications of what he was doing, just grateful for the pain stopping. It was a rush of relief through her body, even if the pain didn’t ebb and disappear completely right away. It wasn’t until her door was kicked in and the light flooded the room that her focus changed, cringing away from the sudden brightness in the dark room. It disoriented her enough that she almost didn’t recognize the voice that came with the shadow of a body in the doorway.
“Cordelia?”
It took her a moment, but there were a few voices that she knew on instinct. This was one of them. “Xander? What’re you-”
“Doesn’t matter.” As he made his way into the room, her eyes started to adjust and his face came into focus in the dark of the room, and apparently so did she. “Shit, you look like hell.”
She wanted to say ‘no shit, Sherlock.’ She wanted to say ‘what do you think I’ve been going through.’ Instead, what came out was something quite different:
“Since when are you a pirate?”
He chuckled softly. “C’mon. Let’s get you up. Can you walk?” She nodded slowly at first, trying to side herself into a sitting position. As she did, the world started to spin, and she quickly shook her head no, which in effect only made it worse. “Hey, easy. It’s okay. I got you.” His arms started to slide around her, scooping her up off the bed as another shadow appeared in the doorway.
“That’s ‘er, yeah?”
“Yeah, that’s her. Is it dead?”
“Messy bugger, he was. ‘M gonna hafta shower f’ a week t’ get alla slime out.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Xander was moving closer to the light, and Cordelia couldn’t help but groan. She curled away from the light, burying her face in his shoulder to get away from the light enveloping her.
“Xander-”
“I got ya, Cor,” he said softly, something coming up to cover her face and blocking out the light. “Don’t worry. You’re okay.”
***
“Where’d you find her?”
“A motel off the highway. She had holed herself up pretty well. Made herself a prime target for the demon next door.”
“Poor thing. Sadly, that wasn’t what was making the visions so bad.”
“It wasn’t?”
“’Fraid not. She left because they were bad to begin with.”
Cordelia closed her eyes as she sunk further into the hot water. She hated that she had to be rescued. She hated that she had been taken advantage of. She hated that she needed to be take care of. She never was that person, and now she was the one who needed to be saved as oppose to the one doing the saving. It was pathetic. Yet, she didn’t know how to pull herself out of where she was, and she knew it was something she had to figure out on her own.
She soaked in the water until she was wrinkled and pruney, and then got up and dried off. She wrapped a bathrobe around herself and she slowly made her way back into her bedroom. Lorne was there, standing in the corner while Xander was sitting on the bed. He looked-really good. Like he had grown up a lot since they last saw each other. And surprisingly, the eye patch worked for him.
“Hey honeybee,” Lorne said softly. “How’re you feeling?”
She gave him a half-shrug. “A little hungry.”
“Let me go see what I can scrounge up, then,” he nodded, before opening the door again. “You kids be good while I’m gone.”
“Thanks Lorne,” she sighed as he disappeared. Once the door closed, she turned her attention back to Xander, running a hand through her hair as she went to sit on the bed beside him. “And thank you. For getting me out of there.” She paused for a moment, crossing her legs in front of her. “What kind of demon was it?”
“Giles said they’re commonly called ‘Nighteaters.’ They feed off seers, especially when they’re having particularly nasty visions.” He hesitated for a moment, before taking a breath. “Cor, I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but Giles and Buffy want me to find out who you’re seeing, so that we can at least try and help them. I know it’s been three months, but if it’s still going on-”
“Don’t,” she said softly. “There’s nothing you can do for him, Xander. He’s already dead.”
He frowned, confused. “If he’s already dead, then why are you-?”
“No clue,” she sighed softly. “Near as I can tell, the Powers are trying to tell me something, but God only knows what.”
“So they’re just torturing you for no apparent reason.” Xander snorted, before shaking his head. “Gotta love the Powers that Be.” He turned to watch her for a moment, before placing a hand over hers gently. “Are you okay?”
“Xander, you just pulled me out of a motel that I’ve spent the past three months wasting away in. Do I really look like I’m okay?”
He grinned at her. “Are you going to be?”
She took a deep breath, considering that one for a moment as she glanced around the room. “Don’t know yet. But I think, eventually, I’ll get there.”
“Good,” he sighed as he got up, pressing a kiss to her forehead gently. “Think this makes us even for how I screwed up in high school?”
She nodded softly, before tilting her head up, leaning in to kiss him on the lips gently. There wasn’t anything behind it, not really, but for some reason she felt he earned it. “Thank you, Xander. For coming to get me.”
“Anytime, Cordy. Anytime.”
1339 words
“Between us now is the continent we didn't finish, and one person's regret. Because you have none, this is what I will never tell you: I took too many days off from loving you.”
Cordelia has no idea how he found her.
In fact, she doesn’t want to know how he found her. If someone called him to come find her, that would only make her feel even more depressed than she already was. Really, in the end, she just wanted to be left alone. She was miserable, in pain, and lonely as hell. Frankly, she would have rather just holed up in her motel room for the rest of her life, but someone had seen fit to send someone for her. She just didn’t know why, of all people, it had to be him.
She had started hiding away about three months ago. It had started with this man’s death, in her visions, his body torn apart by something that she couldn’t see. The pain alone was enough to leave her screaming and Lorne really didn’t know what to do with her. So after a week of visions every day that left her sobbing and seeing the worried look on his face, she took off, looking to just ride these out and wait for them to stop. She found a motel room, closed the curtains, and left the room dark, spending her time drinking, trying to sleep, and only venturing out when she was out of booze, food, or pain killers. As far as she was concerned, these visions might just be the ones that killed her. And if that was to be the case, she sure hoped that the Powers that Be knew just what the hell they were doing.
Every day was the same. Every day the demon asked and every day the answer was no. And then the pain came, again and again. It wasn’t her pain, but she felt it as real as her own. Every time this demon cut into the person in her visions, she felt it slice through her like butter. Over and over again, until she wasn’t sure if it was him she was hearing scream or herself. Every day the offer came, every day for three months and the answer was no. He was stronger than they ever gave him credit for.
The day Xander came was the day Dean said yes. She was so delirious from the pain of the visions at that point, she didn’t even realize the implications of what he was doing, just grateful for the pain stopping. It was a rush of relief through her body, even if the pain didn’t ebb and disappear completely right away. It wasn’t until her door was kicked in and the light flooded the room that her focus changed, cringing away from the sudden brightness in the dark room. It disoriented her enough that she almost didn’t recognize the voice that came with the shadow of a body in the doorway.
“Cordelia?”
It took her a moment, but there were a few voices that she knew on instinct. This was one of them. “Xander? What’re you-”
“Doesn’t matter.” As he made his way into the room, her eyes started to adjust and his face came into focus in the dark of the room, and apparently so did she. “Shit, you look like hell.”
She wanted to say ‘no shit, Sherlock.’ She wanted to say ‘what do you think I’ve been going through.’ Instead, what came out was something quite different:
“Since when are you a pirate?”
He chuckled softly. “C’mon. Let’s get you up. Can you walk?” She nodded slowly at first, trying to side herself into a sitting position. As she did, the world started to spin, and she quickly shook her head no, which in effect only made it worse. “Hey, easy. It’s okay. I got you.” His arms started to slide around her, scooping her up off the bed as another shadow appeared in the doorway.
“That’s ‘er, yeah?”
“Yeah, that’s her. Is it dead?”
“Messy bugger, he was. ‘M gonna hafta shower f’ a week t’ get alla slime out.”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Xander was moving closer to the light, and Cordelia couldn’t help but groan. She curled away from the light, burying her face in his shoulder to get away from the light enveloping her.
“Xander-”
“I got ya, Cor,” he said softly, something coming up to cover her face and blocking out the light. “Don’t worry. You’re okay.”
***
“Where’d you find her?”
“A motel off the highway. She had holed herself up pretty well. Made herself a prime target for the demon next door.”
“Poor thing. Sadly, that wasn’t what was making the visions so bad.”
“It wasn’t?”
“’Fraid not. She left because they were bad to begin with.”
Cordelia closed her eyes as she sunk further into the hot water. She hated that she had to be rescued. She hated that she had been taken advantage of. She hated that she needed to be take care of. She never was that person, and now she was the one who needed to be saved as oppose to the one doing the saving. It was pathetic. Yet, she didn’t know how to pull herself out of where she was, and she knew it was something she had to figure out on her own.
She soaked in the water until she was wrinkled and pruney, and then got up and dried off. She wrapped a bathrobe around herself and she slowly made her way back into her bedroom. Lorne was there, standing in the corner while Xander was sitting on the bed. He looked-really good. Like he had grown up a lot since they last saw each other. And surprisingly, the eye patch worked for him.
“Hey honeybee,” Lorne said softly. “How’re you feeling?”
She gave him a half-shrug. “A little hungry.”
“Let me go see what I can scrounge up, then,” he nodded, before opening the door again. “You kids be good while I’m gone.”
“Thanks Lorne,” she sighed as he disappeared. Once the door closed, she turned her attention back to Xander, running a hand through her hair as she went to sit on the bed beside him. “And thank you. For getting me out of there.” She paused for a moment, crossing her legs in front of her. “What kind of demon was it?”
“Giles said they’re commonly called ‘Nighteaters.’ They feed off seers, especially when they’re having particularly nasty visions.” He hesitated for a moment, before taking a breath. “Cor, I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but Giles and Buffy want me to find out who you’re seeing, so that we can at least try and help them. I know it’s been three months, but if it’s still going on-”
“Don’t,” she said softly. “There’s nothing you can do for him, Xander. He’s already dead.”
He frowned, confused. “If he’s already dead, then why are you-?”
“No clue,” she sighed softly. “Near as I can tell, the Powers are trying to tell me something, but God only knows what.”
“So they’re just torturing you for no apparent reason.” Xander snorted, before shaking his head. “Gotta love the Powers that Be.” He turned to watch her for a moment, before placing a hand over hers gently. “Are you okay?”
“Xander, you just pulled me out of a motel that I’ve spent the past three months wasting away in. Do I really look like I’m okay?”
He grinned at her. “Are you going to be?”
She took a deep breath, considering that one for a moment as she glanced around the room. “Don’t know yet. But I think, eventually, I’ll get there.”
“Good,” he sighed as he got up, pressing a kiss to her forehead gently. “Think this makes us even for how I screwed up in high school?”
She nodded softly, before tilting her head up, leaning in to kiss him on the lips gently. There wasn’t anything behind it, not really, but for some reason she felt he earned it. “Thank you, Xander. For coming to get me.”
“Anytime, Cordy. Anytime.”
1339 words