(no subject)
when it's all said and done, there are no guarantee's. what you think you know, and what is reality are two completely separate things. i used to consider myself a stable person, one who knew exactly what she wanted. who set morals for herself and stuck with them. but then something will happen. something where i can't be the this independent woman that i try so hard to be. i end up leaning on someone. and when i fall off the wagon, i fall off really hard; but i bounce back. and i always find a pretty boy to help put my shit back together.
but i'm tired of it. i'm tired of falling for the boy who uses me to satisfy his libido. or i'm tired of having the boy fall for me, when i use him out of boredom or for comfort. but then again, there was the one. the one who was there the whole time but i was too blind to see. and i hate it. i hate not hearing the sweet little things you didn't even notice that you said. the way you used to look at me with such admiration. how our skin on skin would send chills up my spine that would travel like electricity through my body. smelling you on me long after you had gone. and how you'd really listen to me, instead of just waiting for your turn to speak. i miss that person. but that person isn't there anymore, he's gone. his body has taken on something else, someone else that is so unrecognizable.
and laying in bed starts the all too familiar routine. i cuddle with my worn out pillow on the bumpy mattress wishing i could go to sleep, but there's always something that will keep me tossing and turning. but the last thought remains the same.
an unconditional type of bond, whatever that may be, is something that some people may spend a lifetime searching for.
but i'm tired of it. i'm tired of falling for the boy who uses me to satisfy his libido. or i'm tired of having the boy fall for me, when i use him out of boredom or for comfort. but then again, there was the one. the one who was there the whole time but i was too blind to see. and i hate it. i hate not hearing the sweet little things you didn't even notice that you said. the way you used to look at me with such admiration. how our skin on skin would send chills up my spine that would travel like electricity through my body. smelling you on me long after you had gone. and how you'd really listen to me, instead of just waiting for your turn to speak. i miss that person. but that person isn't there anymore, he's gone. his body has taken on something else, someone else that is so unrecognizable.
and laying in bed starts the all too familiar routine. i cuddle with my worn out pillow on the bumpy mattress wishing i could go to sleep, but there's always something that will keep me tossing and turning. but the last thought remains the same.
an unconditional type of bond, whatever that may be, is something that some people may spend a lifetime searching for.