(no subject)
i hate pms'ing, i can't stop crying like.. ever. and i'm scared to see my friends tomorrow. hearing about what a great time everybody is having will make me even sadder. school is so lonely. i go days without speaking a word, i have nobody to relate to and sometimes i fear this wall built around me will never come down. its extremely hard for me to let someone see the real me or get close to me. i take steps for me to be happy but always bail out at the last second and feel relief in doing so. feeling that i can fall back on the way things still are is comforting to me and i'm scared of change. i went through everyday of high school being miserable so the thought of being endlessly satisfied is strange to me. i should have switched schools if i was so unhappy then and we would have saved thousands of dollars so why didn't i? high school is over and it seems as if now i'm in the same position all over again hah. whoa it just got really dark all of a sudden, creepy. my mom almost made shrimp and bok choy for thanksgiving dinner and i almost cried so i got her to make turkey ^___^ i have papers to write, which i won't, so i'm off to make a failing attempt at this. happy thanksgiving everyone!!!