its depressing me, to see you struggle.
i just got home from spending a few days in illinois with kellllly.
my aunt and uncle went to florida and she didnt want to be by herself the whole time.
im definitely glad i went.
i shouldve stayed for longer instead of tuesday to friday morning.
however, every time i leave here i always feel bad for leaving.
which is stupid, i shouldnt feel that way.
this place just has been attached with chains.
in every form that someone can just be attached.
love of family.
lack of money.
lack of freedom.
lack of social life.
everything.
i've pretty much decided that i cant feel this lonely anymore.
and the only way that that is going to happen is moving back to murfreesboro for a while.
being surrounded by family every day is nice, however, its not nice anymore.
our relationship is so strained that literally all i do is try to sit in my room everyday with the door shut and locked hoping they will forget im here.
that sucks.
i'd rather see them once every six months and miss them every second im away.
instead, i never miss them and i regret every second being around them...
which makes me feel really awful, and i dont want that anymore.
so diandra talked to me the other night about perhaps helping her parents out in ft. myers for when she goes home.
so if my plan works out...
ill leave here at the end of april.
stay in ft. myers for a month.
and then get back up to murfreesboro and spend the summer.
and maybe be down to orlando at the end of the summer.
that gives me a month here to tie up some loose ends.
however, thats still another month that i have to hear every day about finding a job.
so thats annoying.
:(
baby brother is coming for a visit in a few weeks.
stoked on that.
i would like to see my baby megan since we figured that its been...well i guess a year and a half since ive seen her.
the summer of 2006.
thats gross.
she's my fucking sister.
nobody goes that long without seeing their siblings.
and it depresses me.
i wish i had a dang job!
because then i could be NOT BOTHERED by everyone.
ugh.
even on sundays they yell at me to find a job.
nobody hires on sundays, fuck.
leave me aloneeeeeeeeeeee.
i realize i need a job but its not my fault if they arent calling back for interviews and shit.
one can only put in so many applications.
not to mention, i live in the sticks.
any job is a drive.
yet they dont want me to drive.
and when im busy and cant take the kids to and from school, then i'd be in trouble for that too.
this week was spring break.
it feels like always though, since i do school whenever i want anyways.
haha.
i love school.
seriously.
meh.
my aunt and uncle went to florida and she didnt want to be by herself the whole time.
im definitely glad i went.
i shouldve stayed for longer instead of tuesday to friday morning.
however, every time i leave here i always feel bad for leaving.
which is stupid, i shouldnt feel that way.
this place just has been attached with chains.
in every form that someone can just be attached.
love of family.
lack of money.
lack of freedom.
lack of social life.
everything.
i've pretty much decided that i cant feel this lonely anymore.
and the only way that that is going to happen is moving back to murfreesboro for a while.
being surrounded by family every day is nice, however, its not nice anymore.
our relationship is so strained that literally all i do is try to sit in my room everyday with the door shut and locked hoping they will forget im here.
that sucks.
i'd rather see them once every six months and miss them every second im away.
instead, i never miss them and i regret every second being around them...
which makes me feel really awful, and i dont want that anymore.
so diandra talked to me the other night about perhaps helping her parents out in ft. myers for when she goes home.
so if my plan works out...
ill leave here at the end of april.
stay in ft. myers for a month.
and then get back up to murfreesboro and spend the summer.
and maybe be down to orlando at the end of the summer.
that gives me a month here to tie up some loose ends.
however, thats still another month that i have to hear every day about finding a job.
so thats annoying.
:(
baby brother is coming for a visit in a few weeks.
stoked on that.
i would like to see my baby megan since we figured that its been...well i guess a year and a half since ive seen her.
the summer of 2006.
thats gross.
she's my fucking sister.
nobody goes that long without seeing their siblings.
and it depresses me.
i wish i had a dang job!
because then i could be NOT BOTHERED by everyone.
ugh.
even on sundays they yell at me to find a job.
nobody hires on sundays, fuck.
leave me aloneeeeeeeeeeee.
i realize i need a job but its not my fault if they arent calling back for interviews and shit.
one can only put in so many applications.
not to mention, i live in the sticks.
any job is a drive.
yet they dont want me to drive.
and when im busy and cant take the kids to and from school, then i'd be in trouble for that too.
this week was spring break.
it feels like always though, since i do school whenever i want anyways.
haha.
i love school.
seriously.
meh.