i wrote this the day i got outta jail. im gonna take that guys advice.
'i dont know how to act or what to do. What i do know is that i can start from scratch. That is what this gave me. It sucked and it seemed to last forever but i cant even remember it now honestly its like my mind wont let me go into those memories. Im free from so many things besides jail. And its so amazing, i can move on. I should have payed more attention, we didnt see it. well most of us didnt but i know someone who did. I should have listend. And i wont "Believe the hype" ever again. Nothing is ever what it seems and there are no absolutes in life but death. You cant trust anyone but yourself. The thing to understand i guess and to come to terms with is you cant even trust yourself. Ive never felt this way. What the fuck now? Who cares, were alive, and there is SO much to experience, so take life for what it is (whatever it is) and run with it cuz its short. Dont you ever believe the hype cuz it will kick you in the ass and you might not get back up. But ill do my best to help you. And if you drag me down... Fuck it well have to accept you cant bring the sky down to the filth and live with scared knees. Friends come and go and lie and do what they can to be happy. Can we blame them when thats all we are doing? We may not lie to them but we damn sure lie to ourselves so do we have to right to be angry? i suppose so. Were all gonna die and its too fucking trivial to care. Nothing lasts forever not even if your ego wont accept it. Cursed to drive off this or that cliff into this or that inevitability. So fuck it. I have nothing for any of you so can i expect anything back? No. But ofcourse we all do. Cursed. Dont expect the same person you knew. Go ahead and dont expect. But you will. Because we all ofcourse do. Expect. The world appearantly found a way to revolve around every single one of us. It seems no one got the memo. What is the purpose of settling. We know (admit it or not) tomorrow EVERYTHING can and will fucking change. But we hold on like rats to a sinking fucking ship. And were too stubborn to just let go. We can fill the void with drugs and alcohol and music and "love" and friends and on and on and on but in the end it didnt mean shit. Which makes me care about all of you THAT MUCH more and makes the things that have and will happen hurt that much more. Why should it hurt? It doesnt matter its so fucking trivial. I guess i havnt hit bottom friend. But atleast im trying. And.... well i dont really know.....'