time, where did you go?

[lets_be_tragic]

I just remebered I had a journal. I just remembered I used to love journaling...writing..being creative..I just realized I do still love it, so why don't I do it anymore? I think about it sometimes, but what holds me back? For now I'll blame it on not having internet at my apartment, but I could have wrote it in Word, or on paper, but I didn't. Can't go back now. I tried opening this on my phone, and it worked, but how effective will this really be? My phone could freeze, shutoff, hit the back key, this all would be gone, and how much can I really let out typing it on this small little phone keyboard. For now I s'pose we'll see.

I wish I would have written for the past year and a half. If I could go back I would have. How accurate are my tribulations now? I can't recall details, I've blocked out details, I've blocked out events weeks months everything. But whatever I can spit out maybe will still help me. Its all I can do.

More has happened to me in the past year and a half, than if you added up all 20 years. Its riduclous. How am I even still alive?? I ask myself that every single day. Not in the way of gratefulness or the opposite, but completely sincere. How the fuck am I still alive and kickin.

I'm obviously not going to sit and write everything from the past yr or so now, but its coming. Slowly and surely piece by piece I need to let it out.