(no subject)
"I hate how there are times when my life is going amazingly well and I can only focus on the negative or what I don't have that I want.
Get a grip, bitch."
Jess...I love you. Somehow you always say exactly what I need to hear even if it's not about me.
These past 4 weeks...month I guess, I've been miserable, generally pissed off and mean. It's awful when you hide feelings for so long that at a certain point they just start to take over and control your every move. I treated my friends like they were a burden and were doing everything wrong, when if I had just told them how I was feeling I wouldn't have felt resentment towards them at all. I'm glad I finally talked to one of them and discovered what happened, but the other is still in the background waiting for me to come talk to her. I don't want to, but I'm pretty darn sure I'd better if I don't want it all to blow up in my face in another month. Yeah, for passive aggressiveness...right?
So one of my better friends down here from school is dating one of my other really good friends. They already had excluded people, but somehow it got worse as they declared themselves as a couple. I was a jerk. As I said to her, it's really hard not to be jealous when I know what it feels like to be in a new relationship and want it back, and want it for myself. How selfish of me. But, I'm trying to learn how to put the jealousy aside, suck it up, and to be happy for them, they'd be happy for me if I was in a new relationship so why can't I be happy for them?
My strange lonliness this past month caused me to create another fight in our apartment over the internet. I really wanted it because I thought by having a connection to other people things would get better...wrong. Turns out AFTER we get it installed, get the charges, that two of my roommates never wanted it, and the other didn't know that we were getting it installed. Ouch. I'm so dumb. I was so blinded by what I wanted that I didn't stop to think about what they wanted. Hopefully I can straighten this all out.
Regardless, today is my day off for the week and Mike, Heather, Jodi, and I are headed to The Killers and Keane concert somewhere in Maryland! So, Happy Day!I am determind to make this a fun night, regardless of how jealous I start to feel. I will smile and be understanding.
Okay, time to run, get my headlight fixed, and run a million and 2 errands.
Love.
Get a grip, bitch."
Jess...I love you. Somehow you always say exactly what I need to hear even if it's not about me.
These past 4 weeks...month I guess, I've been miserable, generally pissed off and mean. It's awful when you hide feelings for so long that at a certain point they just start to take over and control your every move. I treated my friends like they were a burden and were doing everything wrong, when if I had just told them how I was feeling I wouldn't have felt resentment towards them at all. I'm glad I finally talked to one of them and discovered what happened, but the other is still in the background waiting for me to come talk to her. I don't want to, but I'm pretty darn sure I'd better if I don't want it all to blow up in my face in another month. Yeah, for passive aggressiveness...right?
So one of my better friends down here from school is dating one of my other really good friends. They already had excluded people, but somehow it got worse as they declared themselves as a couple. I was a jerk. As I said to her, it's really hard not to be jealous when I know what it feels like to be in a new relationship and want it back, and want it for myself. How selfish of me. But, I'm trying to learn how to put the jealousy aside, suck it up, and to be happy for them, they'd be happy for me if I was in a new relationship so why can't I be happy for them?
My strange lonliness this past month caused me to create another fight in our apartment over the internet. I really wanted it because I thought by having a connection to other people things would get better...wrong. Turns out AFTER we get it installed, get the charges, that two of my roommates never wanted it, and the other didn't know that we were getting it installed. Ouch. I'm so dumb. I was so blinded by what I wanted that I didn't stop to think about what they wanted. Hopefully I can straighten this all out.
Regardless, today is my day off for the week and Mike, Heather, Jodi, and I are headed to The Killers and Keane concert somewhere in Maryland! So, Happy Day!I am determind to make this a fun night, regardless of how jealous I start to feel. I will smile and be understanding.
Okay, time to run, get my headlight fixed, and run a million and 2 errands.
Love.