Told you not to leave me alone
Tellin' me come on back, what will I do from that
I will still, still be yours if you knew how to act
But you underestimate a [girl] like me
And I love it when I see your
Face drop, I told you not to leave me alone
Now that I got my own, I see your face drop
I told you not to count me out
Alright, I'm currently at my cousin's house. It's me, mom, my aunt, my grandma, my cousin, and her son. Myself, my cousin, and her almost-2-year-old son are the only ones who don't speak Portuguese. I can only understand some of the conversation some of the time, haha.
Otherwise, I don't even know what to say. I'm feeling so much that I'm not sure I'm even feeling anything. On the one hand, I've just been noticing more and more all the signs pulling me in another direction-- a direction that completely defies logic, one I do not understand, but cannot help at all but be drawn to-- and, on the other hand, I find myself unable to move in any direction at all. I'm frozen in time. Stuck. Immobile. They say the world keeps spinning no matter how frozen you are, but... well, I'm not honestly sure. It seems to be at a standstill and, for once, I have an empathy.
I would like to say that how I've been feeling lately is simple or easy, but it's not. I don't remember ever feeling so confused, and I've been confused as all hell before. I've found that part of me is still putting on a smile for all the people who expect one from me and that I've been saving the real ones for all the people who only expect me to be myself. But, well, at least there is a real smile? I owe that to you. Big time. Yeah, I know "you" is sort of a relative, vague term. Sue me.
Regarding the lyrics, I suppose they're just that part of me that decided I'm not going to be weak anymore. It's a good change of pace. For the first time in a long time, I feel strong.
Still, though, I can't sit here and say I'm miserable. I'm not. I'm too full of optimism to even be able to think negatively. There are lyrics and movie quotes and video clips playing over and over in my head and the sounds and sights of them are completely blocking out all the other thoughts-- good or bad. I'm smiling and, as I am one of those few people who wants me to just be me, it is a real smile. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm trying to sift through the amazing things my mind is creating for me (and the Mariah Carey CD playing in the next room?) to make some sense, but I'm doing really poorly.
Like you said, though. I tried?
I promise I'll be able to blog a little better once I can think straight. I think it's too early. Again, sue me?
I will still, still be yours if you knew how to act
But you underestimate a [girl] like me
And I love it when I see your
Face drop, I told you not to leave me alone
Now that I got my own, I see your face drop
I told you not to count me out
Alright, I'm currently at my cousin's house. It's me, mom, my aunt, my grandma, my cousin, and her son. Myself, my cousin, and her almost-2-year-old son are the only ones who don't speak Portuguese. I can only understand some of the conversation some of the time, haha.
Otherwise, I don't even know what to say. I'm feeling so much that I'm not sure I'm even feeling anything. On the one hand, I've just been noticing more and more all the signs pulling me in another direction-- a direction that completely defies logic, one I do not understand, but cannot help at all but be drawn to-- and, on the other hand, I find myself unable to move in any direction at all. I'm frozen in time. Stuck. Immobile. They say the world keeps spinning no matter how frozen you are, but... well, I'm not honestly sure. It seems to be at a standstill and, for once, I have an empathy.
I would like to say that how I've been feeling lately is simple or easy, but it's not. I don't remember ever feeling so confused, and I've been confused as all hell before. I've found that part of me is still putting on a smile for all the people who expect one from me and that I've been saving the real ones for all the people who only expect me to be myself. But, well, at least there is a real smile? I owe that to you. Big time. Yeah, I know "you" is sort of a relative, vague term. Sue me.
Regarding the lyrics, I suppose they're just that part of me that decided I'm not going to be weak anymore. It's a good change of pace. For the first time in a long time, I feel strong.
Still, though, I can't sit here and say I'm miserable. I'm not. I'm too full of optimism to even be able to think negatively. There are lyrics and movie quotes and video clips playing over and over in my head and the sounds and sights of them are completely blocking out all the other thoughts-- good or bad. I'm smiling and, as I am one of those few people who wants me to just be me, it is a real smile. I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm trying to sift through the amazing things my mind is creating for me (and the Mariah Carey CD playing in the next room?) to make some sense, but I'm doing really poorly.
Like you said, though. I tried?
I promise I'll be able to blog a little better once I can think straight. I think it's too early. Again, sue me?