my last entry
soo... its not like it matters that this is my last entry, since i dont spend nearly as much time updating as i used to. its funny how something you once found solace and comfort in is no longer safe for you.
over the past however long that my posts have slowly but surely dwindled, i found out some things... and with a new chapter in my life beginning, i've realized things:
as much as i want to keep up with people, i know i am bad at it. i will stay in touch with those who make the same efforts to stay in touch with me. i stay in touch with people who help me feel at ease when we reconnect, like nothing changed. very few have that effect on me. i really don't appreciate when friends who hardly spent time with me at school gripe about not seeing me over the summer. how is that my fault? there is no one on here that i am thinking of... but there are several people i could name in general. lets face it, communication is two ways, and most of the time, i hit a dead end. there are plenty of people who i have reached out to in my past, and i only get dropped, because i'm no longer important enough to talk to. well, its harsh, but the same can happen to others from my end. i'm tired of trying... i've found my circle of friends and i know who i can call up anytime. and i'm sorry if some of you haven't made it in there, but to be fair, am i at the top of your list of people to call?? probably not. so there.
hmph... and if its not people who wont keep in touch, its people who i cant trust. i get sick thinking about the things i now know about people who once held my trust. people who i considered friends. they had twisted ideas of friendship, i think. i think its cowardly to leave people behind without telling them why, but at the same time, i do it because most people know exactly why someone stopped talking to them anyway. well, so called friends, i'm sure they all know why i stopped talking to them. i wish i could say i remember my time with them fondly, but new information tends to warp perspectives. but i choose to get rid of negative influences from my life. so, buh-bye to all you fakers.
please dont take this as if i dont want to hear from my friends that i've made. if nothing was ever wrong between us, things probably are still fine and i would love nothing more than to hear from you. i'll still come on and read LJ once in awhile and make comments, but posting is outta the question. too many burns in the past to go down that road again. wearing my heart on my sleeve only proved messy...
so, i begin a new journey soon and i have been closing many chapters of my past. heavy emotions have been put to rest, certain people have been filtered out, and special bonds with great friends have been strenthened or renewed. coming to terms with change is something i have to grasp quickly and soon. i like change. i like adapting. i like not knowing (sort of) and expecting something better to come along. but i realize i have to purge certain elements of my life to make room for the new things. its even down to throwing out keepskaes, old clothes, those random objects you keep "in case" except that "in case" has never come up so why keep it?
*sigh* i dont hate anyone or anything. i love the experiences i have had, i've enjoyed meeting hte people who have shaped my life. but i have to part with what isn't crucial or benefitting me anymore. and at the least, livejournal is one of those things.
goodnight, posts. write you no more....
over the past however long that my posts have slowly but surely dwindled, i found out some things... and with a new chapter in my life beginning, i've realized things:
as much as i want to keep up with people, i know i am bad at it. i will stay in touch with those who make the same efforts to stay in touch with me. i stay in touch with people who help me feel at ease when we reconnect, like nothing changed. very few have that effect on me. i really don't appreciate when friends who hardly spent time with me at school gripe about not seeing me over the summer. how is that my fault? there is no one on here that i am thinking of... but there are several people i could name in general. lets face it, communication is two ways, and most of the time, i hit a dead end. there are plenty of people who i have reached out to in my past, and i only get dropped, because i'm no longer important enough to talk to. well, its harsh, but the same can happen to others from my end. i'm tired of trying... i've found my circle of friends and i know who i can call up anytime. and i'm sorry if some of you haven't made it in there, but to be fair, am i at the top of your list of people to call?? probably not. so there.
hmph... and if its not people who wont keep in touch, its people who i cant trust. i get sick thinking about the things i now know about people who once held my trust. people who i considered friends. they had twisted ideas of friendship, i think. i think its cowardly to leave people behind without telling them why, but at the same time, i do it because most people know exactly why someone stopped talking to them anyway. well, so called friends, i'm sure they all know why i stopped talking to them. i wish i could say i remember my time with them fondly, but new information tends to warp perspectives. but i choose to get rid of negative influences from my life. so, buh-bye to all you fakers.
please dont take this as if i dont want to hear from my friends that i've made. if nothing was ever wrong between us, things probably are still fine and i would love nothing more than to hear from you. i'll still come on and read LJ once in awhile and make comments, but posting is outta the question. too many burns in the past to go down that road again. wearing my heart on my sleeve only proved messy...
so, i begin a new journey soon and i have been closing many chapters of my past. heavy emotions have been put to rest, certain people have been filtered out, and special bonds with great friends have been strenthened or renewed. coming to terms with change is something i have to grasp quickly and soon. i like change. i like adapting. i like not knowing (sort of) and expecting something better to come along. but i realize i have to purge certain elements of my life to make room for the new things. its even down to throwing out keepskaes, old clothes, those random objects you keep "in case" except that "in case" has never come up so why keep it?
*sigh* i dont hate anyone or anything. i love the experiences i have had, i've enjoyed meeting hte people who have shaped my life. but i have to part with what isn't crucial or benefitting me anymore. and at the least, livejournal is one of those things.
goodnight, posts. write you no more....