hello stranger
There are so many things going through my head right now. I can't sleep and I have no one to talk to but this big blank text box.
There are so many things I that need to change. I am not happy right now, as in tonight, this moment, but I know if I don't get them out now, i will ignore them tomorrow. I procrastinate on everything, even my life. I only care in times of stress, and then I just let it go. I ned to get out of this city. I need to get out of this world, just for a minute, a day, a year. I need the people I care about to be there when I need them. I am always there when they do. I need the people I care about to care about me.
There are so many things I am seeing myself do that I don't like. But I can't seem to change them, I can't seem to find a better alternative. I can't believe I am back to writing in my fucking livejournal. I feel like such a tool right now. I feel like I'm walking around in circles. It is four in the morning and I am completely awake after a stressful night, after my first panic attack in years. I am completely awake and everyone else is either asleep or busy with someone else.
This isn't a pity party, I just know if I don't talk/write about all of this I will just look back on tonight and write it off as a bad mood. Its not a bad mood, its my life. Tonight was an example of everything I'm doing, have been doing, and will likely continue to do wrong.
Where are the James Kosses, Matt Crowsons, Justin McDonnells and Chris Chambers of the world when I need them.
Why can't anything in my life be permanent.
anything other than me.
There are so many things I that need to change. I am not happy right now, as in tonight, this moment, but I know if I don't get them out now, i will ignore them tomorrow. I procrastinate on everything, even my life. I only care in times of stress, and then I just let it go. I ned to get out of this city. I need to get out of this world, just for a minute, a day, a year. I need the people I care about to be there when I need them. I am always there when they do. I need the people I care about to care about me.
There are so many things I am seeing myself do that I don't like. But I can't seem to change them, I can't seem to find a better alternative. I can't believe I am back to writing in my fucking livejournal. I feel like such a tool right now. I feel like I'm walking around in circles. It is four in the morning and I am completely awake after a stressful night, after my first panic attack in years. I am completely awake and everyone else is either asleep or busy with someone else.
This isn't a pity party, I just know if I don't talk/write about all of this I will just look back on tonight and write it off as a bad mood. Its not a bad mood, its my life. Tonight was an example of everything I'm doing, have been doing, and will likely continue to do wrong.
Where are the James Kosses, Matt Crowsons, Justin McDonnells and Chris Chambers of the world when I need them.
Why can't anything in my life be permanent.
anything other than me.