(no subject)
i went to theo's with lydia only to realize i was so out of place it was incredible. eyes looked down at me and smiles were so obviously forced and fake-needless to say we jetted. i thought that the awkwardness of high school would dissolve once we were graduates, however i am feeling sketched out about this past month. The transition hasnt made way yet, and presently we as alumnae are in a weird limbo, indescribable and extremely uncomfortable. i dont know why i went to that party, because after four long years i would have thought i would get it by now. i'll never be liked by the majority and i'll always be judged and never really known. lame and dark as it is its the truth. high school to me was a horrible purple hell with room after room of jail cells. i anticipated the feeling of freedom when the shackles were removed for 4 long years, now that they are gone im staring at the marks they left and im so concerned about where i stand. i dont like them and they dont like me, do i still have to mingle? this heavy burden high school relationships have left me with is unfair and i would prefer to erase them permanently from my memory. just being in the presence of so many people in a somewhat similar situation as me made me angry. I want to at this point have discovered the secret. shouldnt i already feel superior to high school drama? nah, not yet. i figure fair is fair and if they like to play dirty i should too. dirty as they come. but when its over it will be over and i will be done with the lot of them and leave them to meddle in their own lives as they choose, as long as they leave me out of it that is.