(no subject)
last thursday my grandma passed away. it was half expected half un expected. she was in a coma and nobody really thought she would get better but i think deep down we thought she would. i didnt really take into account that she was actually gone till i got to the funeral home today. i lost all composure and couldnt even go inside. she was such an active woman till just 2 weeks ago, it kills me to see her in that casket. and whats worse is it doesnt even look like her. she never wore nail polish or makeup and her hair was never slicked back. everyone agreed. i sat in the back of the room for a few hours and didnt even go up to her till the end. my uncle didnt even go up to her. i can tell hes crushed. i feel so terrible and sad and helpless. i cant even think straight. im sick of death and all my family passing away. i feel like shit and my eyes are burning from crying all afternoon. i swear im losing my mind.