(no subject)
it's hard to explain the way i feel. maybe i should have stuck out one more year at home for my mom's sake, even for my own! my stomach hurts. i know this is only my first week here but it just feels strange. i'm not used to not having any money to do anything or just not having anything to do at all. my financial aid will come in soon so i guess that will make things a little better. It's just really hard. i feel like nobody besides people i worked with this summer understand what im going through. i feel uncomfortable all the time. i want to make friends and not that i wont hang out with non-christians but i would much rather be surrounded by christians all the time. it's just what im used to! that sounds horrible i feel like, but i cant help it. it's that way i spent the past 3 months of my life, surrounded by that community and amazing fellowship alllllll the time! it's so hard to get used to what life is like at home. i don't like it but there is nothing i can do about it, and i have to get over it. my sister is trying, i get that. she's invited me to an amazing church and i hang out with all her friends from freedom and they're all amazing really. it's just my entire life i have lived in the shadows of my sisters and if im hanging out with people that she met first, its just hard. i know this is partly my fault because i went to a school with both tori and leann but ahhhh i just can't explain it! im supposed to be here, there is some reason im here i know there is. i just wish i could figure it out sooner than later.