chronicles
3-9------------------
xbabycip1x (9:45:03 PM): mike that was so cute wat u sed
xbabycip1x (9:45:07 PM): i love you so so much
yosoysiraco (9:45:17 PM): i really do do that too
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Auto response from xbabycip1x (9:45:17 PM):
=)
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yosoysiraco (9:45:24 PM): some times i feel like i am a fag lmao but no i just
yosoysiraco (9:45:31 PM): ive never loved anyone or anything more than you
xbabycip1x (9:45:50 PM): awww u r so cure
xbabycip1x (9:45:53 PM): cute
xbabycip1x (9:45:54 PM): lmao
xbabycip1x (9:46:04 PM): ilove you so so so so so so so much
xbabycip1x (9:46:09 PM): ill talk to u lateer
xbabycip1x (9:46:19 PM): the love of my life =)
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3-22----------
xbabycip1x (10:09:52 PM): would u b mad if i hung out with some kids from my drivin school on fri?
yosoysiraco (10:10:16 PM): lol hayley wat am i psycho
yosoysiraco (10:10:17 PM): dont fuck them
yosoysiraco (10:10:18 PM): lmao
xbabycip1x (10:10:30 PM): i wont lol
xbabycip1x (10:10:39 PM): but i will fuck u
yosoysiraco (10:10:45 PM): i thot u had softball or w/e but eh i have to go to the doctor it makes no dif
yosoysiraco (10:11:09 PM): ash just came over we talked for a while it made me feel better.. and steves away msg made me feel better too
xbabycip1x (10:11:58 PM): cool
xbabycip1x (10:12:03 PM): will u b ok sat?
xbabycip1x (10:12:10 PM): even tho i kno u r fine
yosoysiraco (10:12:16 PM): lol.. ive been like shaking all night
yosoysiraco (10:12:18 PM): its bad lol
xbabycip1x (10:12:35 PM): y?
xbabycip1x (10:12:41 PM): they will tell u wats rong on fri
xbabycip1x (10:12:43 PM): rite?
yosoysiraco (10:12:48 PM): idn.. i gotta get blood tests
yosoysiraco (10:12:56 PM): i think that is it for fri tho
xbabycip1x (10:12:58 PM): ooo
yosoysiraco (10:13:24 PM): who are the kids from driving school ne way ?
xbabycip1x (10:13:31 PM): joe and mike
yosoysiraco (10:13:36 PM): lol
yosoysiraco (10:13:48 PM): r 1 of them the kids that were like
yosoysiraco (10:13:52 PM): ill miss driving skool wen its ova ?
xbabycip1x (10:14:01 PM): idn
yosoysiraco (10:14:04 PM): cuz oh boy are they in for a suprise :-[ lol
yosoysiraco (10:14:15 PM): ur gonna like them more then me cuz im fuckin dramatic and bitchy
yosoysiraco (10:14:24 PM): and a spaz lately
xbabycip1x (10:14:57 PM): shut up
yosoysiraco (10:15:12 PM): :-(
yosoysiraco (10:15:45 PM): i guess kristi is tryin to tell ashley that i am tryi nto destroy her .. lmao
xbabycip1x (10:15:54 PM): i kno
yosoysiraco (10:15:56 PM): pathetic
yosoysiraco (10:15:59 PM): thats rly pathetic hayley
xbabycip1x (10:16:00 PM): y do u think i will like them?
xbabycip1x (10:16:03 PM): that upsets me
xbabycip1x (10:16:07 PM): i told her that its nt true
yosoysiraco (10:16:11 PM): cuz i suck lol.. im just fuckin with u
yosoysiraco (10:16:18 PM): i hang out with girls all the time
xbabycip1x (10:16:21 PM): i kno
yosoysiraco (10:16:22 PM): id be a hypocrite to yell at u
xbabycip1x (10:18:32 PM): ya lol
xbabycip1x (10:18:43 PM): i hope u feel so good on sat
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Auto response from yosoysiraco (10:18:43 PM): dryXteardrops (10:17:15 PM): mike
dryXteardrops (10:17:17 PM): u make me
dryXteardrops (10:17:19 PM): so hard
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yosoysiraco (10:18:47 PM): lmao
yosoysiraco (10:18:49 PM): roflmao @ that
yosoysiraco (10:18:55 PM): she didnt even say that
xbabycip1x (10:18:57 PM): im goin to do hmek ttyl
yosoysiraco (10:19:02 PM): have fun lol
xbabycip1x (10:19:08 PM): call me in a lil
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Session concluded at 10:21:01 PM
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3-23-------------------------
yosoysiraco (7:59:56 PM): im prob gonna do it sat morning
xbabycip1x (8:00:35 PM): y?
yosoysiraco (8:01:16 PM): cuz m dad has blood tests to be done
xbabycip1x (8:01:39 PM): wait ur gna do wat saturday mornin
xbabycip1x (8:04:58 PM): ?
yosoysiraco (8:05:17 PM): get my blood tested
yosoysiraco (8:05:24 PM): then i have work thennnn i cna hang out
xbabycip1x (8:06:00 PM): o0o ok haha..i thot u were talkin about playin w urself
xbabycip1x (8:06:16 PM): ur prob gna b so exhausted wen u gt outa work
yosoysiraco (8:07:05 PM): lol shush
xbabycip1x (8:07:11 PM): haha
yosoysiraco (8:07:16 PM): ill prob feel like so fuckin good tomorrow
xbabycip1x (8:07:29 PM): y?
yosoysiraco (8:07:31 PM): but u have better things 2 do and hotter guys 2 b with ;)
yosoysiraco (8:07:47 PM): are u kididng me! no school and i get to see the cool ass school i wanna go to andddddddd no work and yessssssssssssssssssss
xbabycip1x (8:09:02 PM): haha o so ur mad im hangin out with other ppl?
xbabycip1x (8:09:08 PM): im hangin w u on sat
yosoysiraco (8:10:08 PM): lol im not mad
yosoysiraco (8:10:11 PM): i just odnt know them
xbabycip1x (8:11:23 PM): so
yosoysiraco (8:11:56 PM): 2 key parts of a rleationship are love and trust
yosoysiraco (8:12:04 PM): and i have both lol
xbabycip1x (8:12:10 PM): u better trust
yosoysiraco (8:12:15 PM): i dont care if u hang out with other guys
xbabycip1x (8:12:21 PM): ok
yosoysiraco (8:12:29 PM): id liek it if i know um but w/e its not like it will effect me
yosoysiraco (8:12:40 PM): and if it does effect me then necks will get broken.. lol
xbabycip1x (8:14:01 PM): so u dont trust me
yosoysiraco wants to directly connect (8:14:51 PM).
xbabycip1x is now directly connected (8:15:41 PM).
yosoysiraco (8:15:48 PM):
this is all i gotta say
xbabycip1x (8:15:56 PM): wt?
xbabycip1x (8:16:00 PM): u dont ttrust me
yosoysiraco (8:16:02 PM): fuckin gross lol
xbabycip1x (8:16:05 PM): yah
yosoysiraco (8:16:07 PM): i dont not trust u
yosoysiraco (8:16:15 PM): the other day u were like oh we can hang out on fridya
yosoysiraco (8:16:20 PM): oh wait no i cant i have softball
yosoysiraco (8:16:24 PM): but then ur hanging out w other guys
yosoysiraco (8:16:31 PM): that kinda bothers me
xbabycip1x (8:16:53 PM): ok
xbabycip1x (8:17:00 PM): well im gna quit
yosoysiraco (8:17:17 PM): i dont think u should
yosoysiraco (8:17:21 PM): if u want to do it then u should do it
xbabycip1x (8:17:40 PM): i dnt want to tho
xbabycip1x (8:17:46 PM): but i dnt c y ur mad
xbabycip1x (8:17:49 PM): watever
yosoysiraco (8:17:52 PM): lol im not mad
yosoysiraco (8:17:54 PM): dont start
xbabycip1x (8:17:57 PM): wait
xbabycip1x (8:17:58 PM): brbr
xbabycip1x (8:18:30 PM): back
xbabycip1x (8:18:38 PM): so now y r u mad?
yosoysiraco (8:18:49 PM): yosoysiraco (8:17:52 PM): lol im not mad
yosoysiraco (8:17:54 PM): dont start
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Session concluded at 8:21:03 PM
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xbabycip1x (8:23:30 PM): no ur botheres
xbabycip1x (8:23:31 PM): bothered
xbabycip1x (8:23:37 PM): and i dont felll like u trust me
xbabycip1x (8:23:41 PM): no offense
xbabycip1x (8:23:46 PM): i dnt want to start \
yosoysiraco (8:23:57 PM): lol..wat do u want me to do hayley
yosoysiraco (8:24:20 PM): this
yosoysiraco (8:24:22 PM): sucks
yosoysiraco (8:24:31 PM): in the past like 3 weeks
yosoysiraco (8:24:36 PM): weve hung out like twice
xbabycip1x (8:24:41 PM): yah i kno
xbabycip1x (8:24:47 PM): but we r hangin out saturday
xbabycip1x (8:24:49 PM): unless u dnt want to
yosoysiraco (8:25:01 PM): and then u wanted to hang out friday but said u couldnt ....but then ur hanging out with other ppl... guys.. that i dont know ..
yosoysiraco (8:25:05 PM): yeah, i'm bothered
xbabycip1x (8:25:18 PM): ur bothered bcuz u dont trust me with guys
xbabycip1x (8:25:28 PM): nd yes i couldnt go out on fri i had softball
xbabycip1x (8:25:31 PM): n i stilll did
xbabycip1x (8:25:35 PM): but now i dnt want to play
yosoysiraco (8:25:44 PM): no, im bothered becasue you told me you couldnt go out but then ur going out with 2 guys i dont know
xbabycip1x (8:25:55 PM): well i couldnt go out
yosoysiraco (8:25:57 PM): i wouldnt be as bothered if it was anyone at all that i do know
xbabycip1x (8:26:00 PM): bcuz of softball
xbabycip1x (8:26:14 PM): yes that is bcuz u do not trust n me with someone u do nt know
yosoysiraco (8:26:22 PM): no, its not
yosoysiraco (8:26:30 PM): its cuz i dont trust them
xbabycip1x (8:26:33 PM): y
yosoysiraco (8:26:37 PM): cuz i dont know them!!
yosoysiraco (8:26:44 PM): guys are fucked up hayley
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3-24-
xbabycip1x (4:18:21 PM): k im goin to the movies talk to you later
xbabycip1x (4:18:22 PM): i love you
xbabycip1x (4:18:25 PM): call me tonight
xbabycip1x (4:18:29 PM): i love you so much =)
xbabycip1x (4:18:32 PM): i want to hug u so tight
xbabycip1x (4:18:41 PM): instead ill just give u an internet tight hug
yosoysiraco (4:18:41 PM): lol have fun wat u seein?
xbabycip1x (4:18:47 PM): dn yet lol
yosoysiraco (4:18:55 PM): dont see
yosoysiraco (4:18:57 PM): v for vendetta
yosoysiraco (4:18:59 PM): it fukin suks lol
xbabycip1x (4:19:01 PM): ok lmao
yosoysiraco (4:19:05 PM): trust me dude it blows
xbabycip1x (4:19:08 PM): ok
xbabycip1x (4:19:13 PM): bye
yosoysiraco (4:19:25 PM): peaceout have fun
xbabycip1x (4:19:34 PM): rnt u gna atleast give me a hug back/
yosoysiraco (4:19:41 PM): lmao
yosoysiraco (4:19:42 PM): wtf
yosoysiraco (4:19:44 PM): i cant reach
yosoysiraco (4:19:46 PM): im in revere
yosoysiraco (4:19:49 PM): i mean
yosoysiraco (4:19:50 PM): roflmao
yosoysiraco (4:19:52 PM): dix street
xbabycip1x (4:19:55 PM): haha
xbabycip1x (4:19:56 PM): but i sed
yosoysiraco (4:19:57 PM): but if i could i would fag
xbabycip1x (4:20:03 PM): i gave u an internet hug
xbabycip1x (4:20:13 PM): and u hurt my feelings by not loveing me bye
yosoysiraco (4:20:15 PM): lmao ok ill give u a internet hug adn a kiss but i want the real thing!!!
xbabycip1x (4:20:21 PM): i kno
xbabycip1x (4:20:22 PM): me too
yosoysiraco (4:20:23 PM): i love u 2
yosoysiraco (4:20:26 PM): but if u see vendetta red
yosoysiraco (4:20:30 PM): u will not love me
yosoysiraco (4:20:31 PM): cuz it sucks so bad
xbabycip1x (4:20:35 PM): i dont want u to say it ne more
yosoysiraco (4:20:37 PM): it makes u want the world to blow up lol
xbabycip1x (4:20:37 PM): i had to make u
xbabycip1x (4:20:40 PM): lol
yosoysiraco (4:20:46 PM): fine
yosoysiraco (4:20:50 PM): i love apples and bananas then
xbabycip1x (4:20:58 PM): good hug them then
yosoysiraco (4:21:06 PM): they explode when i hug them
xbabycip1x (4:21:08 PM): call me later i love you so so so so so so so so much
yosoysiraco (4:21:13 PM): i love you that +2
yosoysiraco (4:21:16 PM): O:-)
xbabycip1x (4:21:20 PM): ok
xbabycip1x (4:21:25 PM): muah
yosoysiraco (4:21:28 PM): peaceout
xbabycip1x is away at 4:21:48 PM.
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3-29
SilentCobra101: ok
SilentCobra101: when i was with Linda
SilentCobra101: i swear to god i truly loved her
SilentCobra101: and to this point i still have deep feelings for her
SilentCobra101: but to be honest with you i felt like it wasnt going anywhere and i wasnt happy with the relationship anymore
SilentCobra101: and i remember you were the one that told me that my happiness is very important
SilentCobra101: andi went with what makes me happy
yosoysiraco: yeah
yosoysiraco: i am known not to heed my own advice i guess
yosoysiraco: truth be told youness
yosoysiraco: whenever me and hayley act like me and hayleyu
yosoysiraco: like that day we were at kellys
yosoysiraco: and she was hugging me
yosoysiraco: i swear to god
yosoysiraco: a plane could fall out of the sky and hit me
yosoysiraco: and it wouldnt even hurt me
yosoysiraco: a fucking bomb could blow up
yosoysiraco: and as long as hayley was holding me
yosoysiraco: wed both survive
SilentCobra101: awwww
yosoysiraco: u know what i mean
SilentCobra101: i know exactly what you mean
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4-1... A letter i wrote to hayley.
Hayley, something i havent thought about much lately is how much writing relaxes me. it's such a good way to completely state everything on your mind, completely un-interrupted with nothing else cluttering or corrupting your thoughts. i started this letter simply with the intent of making a list of everything i adore about you and everything that i never want to do without. but first, im going to write exactly how i feel and exactly what i think, because you told me just to tell you. so here it is..
in my mind right now i dont know if you think i am a creep, a control freak, a psychotic asshole, a scum bag, or someone who's holding you back from having fun and enjoying everything... something in my heads telling me to believe that... i don't know if you've changed and no longer have that amazing feeling when we are together, like i do... i'll never understand how it's been three weeks and you make plans with everyone but me all the time.. then again.. i dont know if you still see me as that goofy kid that loves you with all his heart, who tells anyone and everyone that the best feeling he's ever had is when i hold you and i know you feel happy, and warm, and safe.. the kid who wants you to have the world in your hands, who'd give it all for you to be happy.. and for me to be right by your side... the kid that if he does sleep at all, cries himself to sleep about to rip his build-a-bear in half from holding it so hard because he's so concerned he might lose something he considers everything to him... i really dont know anymore hayley, and i hate making assumptions because i'm very pessimistic and i always assume the worst, especially about myself. and my sorrow is turning rapidly into anger, which is a double-edged sword i guess.. in a way i'm ecstatic that i seem to not care as much...but as much as i try, i can't lie, the sorrow is still there and is in effect big time. there's only one girl i would say i truly loved before you...and she didn't even give me a chance. you did, hayley. you gave me the chance to feel like i am finally worth something. you know as well as i do that i am a self-depreciating son of a bitch, i hate myself with a passion, i have no confidence in myself. i never thought a girl like you would ever give an ugly hopeless guy like me a chance to show you what i can offer..but you did, and it was truly the best feeling in the world. it still is and it still can be.. hayley, the fact that for almost five months now you let me show you affection and we have been together and you have told me you loved me.. i cherish that; i value that more than anything, i really do. i don't know why suddenly you are confused, i never have been and i wish everything could be settled.
i hate thinking of having to move on from our relationship. i don't believe anything would ever compare. i mean sure, there's always that spectacular feeling you get when you hang out with new people and get close to them.. but it's all so short term, hayley. people come and go. i never want to go. i want you in my future.
i've been talking to frank, steve, kenan, youness, even fuckin ashley alot about this all day. i found myself repeating the same exact thing. i found that i kept on saying, im getting mad now instead of caring. i just wanna know what hayley wants so i can make a decision and move on with my life, with or without you... yet as i sit here and i look over what ive wrote over and over, tears have slowly but surely came to my eyes. i havent typed a word of untruth. yes, i'm crying, and hopefully by the end of this letter after i write down everything i love about you i will have a smile on my face, regardless of the fact how much i miss it all.. how much i miss you..
i know it's so fucking hard for you to understand why lately i have felt like shit and argued alot and fought alot.. i want to try and explain why, right now. it's so un-nerving to have the perfect relationship for four and a half months then over the course of one weekend it is shifted off its foundation.. i started to doubt and question everything you ever said to me and i started to analyze and critique every word you said and every move you made after that.. i'm a very paranoid person, i am sure you know that. every time i ask you to hang out, in the back of my mind i am worried that you dont want to be around me. every time i text or call you, in the back of my head i am worried that you dont want to talk to me or tell me anything. when i show concern about you, i am worried that you think im trying to restrict your life. just today, i asked if you had fun and you asked me why i asked...i asked because i hope you had a good day!... and hayley, i am unsure if i should worry like that or not. personally, i want to be with you all the time and always have a hold of you and all that good stuff.. im just alot more precautious now then i was two weeks ago, because it was the first and one of the only major disputes we've had in our seemingly perfect relationship..that was honestly the only thing that i believe diluted the pure love that i feel we have for eachother.. it was a major blow for me. and in the advent of you saying you want a break, saying you are confused about us, saying all that, i don't want to impede in your life, i dont want to force myself on to you, i wish that you would call ME more often and youd ask ME to hang out..because i'm telling you...i want nothing more than to be around you. i'm just very intimidated now, and when it seems liek you dont want to be around me, i freak out and feel like you hate me. my mind is fucking with me..
throughout this all hayley, i realized one thing. i can try and hide it and i can try and act like a big insensitive hardass and i can pretend i dont care.. but you cant help but realize something you miss so much... and i really dont know waht i DONT miss.. what DON'T i love about you hayley?
i love you.
i love you more than anything i've loved before, i am absolutely positively in love with you, i adore you with an unbridled passion.
you are the most beautiful, cutest, hottest, most adorable, breath-takingly gorgeous girl i have ever met or seen in my life. through my eyes you have no imperfections. i love how sometimes you feel like you have the need to spend an hour fixing your hair before we go out, when no matter what your hair looked like i'd get butterflies because of how beautiful you are. everything is cute about you. your eyes, your nose, your ears, your mouth, your body (which i think is perfect, i would not ask a thing to change about it), your style (i love how you just love to feel comfortable, yet you still are radiantly beautiful.. yet if you are in the mood you can dress up a little and look absolutely fucking stunning), anything looks-wise about you is perfect.
i love so many little mannerisms of yours... i love how cute it is when you stick your tongue out and laugh.. i love your laugh, i love how when you laugh it really sounds like you are enjoying yourself and you feel good.. i'll never forget the day we met when we were at the movies, how loud you laughed and how awesome i thought it was, when you were whipping reese's pieces at some guy in the front row.. you're so full of life, when you're happy it feels like you complete me.. lol today when we were outside in fellowes class you had your eyes closed and were basking in the sun and shit, you looked so cute i wanted 2 hug u so bad.. oh man.. well...
i love us together. honestly hayley, last saturday after we had a fight all day but were at kellys with everyone, and you were just sittign next to me and holding on to me..i felt invincible. i felt like a fucking nuclear bomb could go off, a plane could have crashed into kellys, anything could have happened...and as long as you were holding on to me, as long as i knew you were happy, nothing could hurt me. nothing in the world. nothing could hurt us. that song in your info said "I hold it all when i hold you".. it holds true for me. i really liked that.. that moment was perfect.. every day with you that i've had up to this point has been perfect.. if we were driving around in the escort beeping at people and pissing people off, it was perfect. laying around in my room naked and playing mario kart and wrestling is perfect. going out with everyone and playfighting with you and being immature and having fun.. perfect. all perfect, hayley. and i want everything with us to always be perfect. i want prom to be perfect. i want our summer to be perfect. i want our LIFE to be perfect.
i love everything about your personality. i love how you're so excited and eager to go out and do things. whenever you get up and your like OH PLEASE CAN WE DO ___ OH PLEASE OH PLEASE ... i just love it, hayley. you bring a ray of light into my life. god, it is amazing..
and as much as it hurts me, i love how strong you are. in a sick twisted way, i love how you can go on amidst all these feelings i have and still have fun, still have a good time and not change whatsoever. it takes alot to do that hayley, obviously alot more then i have...
the bottom line hayley, is this. i get mad alot lately. i realize this and just like you i dont know why the fuck i do it. i love you soooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking much... its just such an awkward time right now.. i never want to lose you, hayley. everything you are is everything to me. everyone i know says this is such a fucked up predicament, but the main thing i need to do is give it time. i will give it time..but i want.. i dunno, i want it all too i guess. it all, to me though... is you.
im gonna say this again and i dont even fuckin care. i hope we can set some time after 4 tomorrow where we can be together. i just want to fucking hold you. that is all i want. i want to talk, i want to decide on things. i want all to be right again, hayley. i want this to stop. it's hard to live when it feels like your slipping from my grasps. i love you. i love you, i love you, i fucking love you so much. in my idealistic dream little fantasy world, we're going to make it through this, we're going to spend years together, i honestly want to be with you for such a long time... i remember a while back we were talking and you said to me you don't understand how married couples, who love eachother so much, break up and get divorced over such stupid stuff. remember that talk we had?... we can't let this end us hayley.
i really wanna see you tomorrow, hayley. i have the accord 4-9, i'll call you after 4.
i love you, baby. i can't stress this enough. i am sorry i was a fucking asshole and disturbed your sleep.. i hope you sleep late and i hope you feel alot better tomorrow morning.. and i hope you have fun tomorrow if all the stuff works out w/ u ali and jackie and gina.. goodnight sweetheart
4-1
yosoysiraco (10:48:21 AM): oops lol
yosoysiraco (10:48:23 AM): yeah
yosoysiraco (10:48:37 AM): i was thinking i had to just fuckign sit down and just write everything
yosoysiraco (10:48:46 AM): that usually helps me alot thats why i have a live journal
xbabycip1x (10:48:51 AM): yah
xbabycip1x (10:49:00 AM): good im glad i kno how u feel now
xbabycip1x (10:49:06 AM): it was nice i liked it =)
yosoysiraco (10:49:15 AM): lol good
yosoysiraco (10:49:17 AM): :)
yosoysiraco (10:51:01 AM): i honestly sat there from 2:30 to 4:30 writing that last night lol.. i dont care it was worth it.. not a word of it isnt true
xbabycip1x (10:51:24 AM): i kno i liked it
yosoysiraco (10:51:33 AM): im glad u did
xbabycip1x (10:51:59 AM): igg i gt a road lesson so i gta gt ready
yosoysiraco (10:52:40 AM): good luck with it lol ill call u around 4
xbabycip1x (10:52:48 AM): ok i love you
yosoysiraco (10:52:53 AM): i love you too hayley
xbabycip1x (10:52:56 AM): so much?
yosoysiraco (10:53:00 AM): more than anything :)
xbabycip1x (10:53:04 AM): ok =)
xbabycip1x (10:53:06 AM): bye
4-3...
nothing changes..
hayley acts like i dont exist..
breakup.
hayley says it herself, that she acted like a weirdo for so long because she didnt want me to like her.
4-3 til present...
mike cries himself to sleep. hard.
4-3
hayley smokes weed for the first time and kisses some guy.
4-7....
hayley makes her fuckin choice in the form of giving away something very precious that i planned on taking...yeah you guys can fucking guess what happened on prom night w/ her date..
4-12-
i found out the truth and will never fucking speak to her again.
took me 9 fucking days but this is the end. i cant fuckin believe how fucked up this situation is but i'm more pissed now than anything. good to know this all, its awesome to know the truth. this is the last time i will think about her, this is the last time i will mention her, this is the last anything to do with her. this is for the sheer fact that i want people to have a fuckin idea how fast everything changed. it's over now. over forever.
i actually have one regret from this all. i regret devoting a months full of my all to some dumb fucking broad. i regret having her on the back of my mind for so long, i regret letting someone become everything to me. ill never make the same fucking mistake twice. i've changed, i've learned, and what hasnt killed me will make me alot stronger of a person. some people just dont fuckin deserve to have it all, so fuck them.
if anything i realized how fucking incredible friends i have rite now...n thats all i need..with a month left of highschool i'll be away from all this bullshit forever pretty soon, and these are the kids who are going to stick with me. fuck the rest of the world, fuck the trouble fuck the drama fuck the hate.. these next few months will be the best of our lives.. hands down. we are adults now, but we're still so fucking young. its time to have all the fun we invisioned of having once we were old enough. this is my fucking time, dude, and not a thing is gonna stop me. :).. people will learn and i wont be around to hear it, thank fuckin god.
goodnight everyone, senior skip today tomorrow will be sweet.. :D
xbabycip1x (9:45:03 PM): mike that was so cute wat u sed
xbabycip1x (9:45:07 PM): i love you so so much
yosoysiraco (9:45:17 PM): i really do do that too
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Auto response from xbabycip1x (9:45:17 PM):
=)
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yosoysiraco (9:45:24 PM): some times i feel like i am a fag lmao but no i just
yosoysiraco (9:45:31 PM): ive never loved anyone or anything more than you
xbabycip1x (9:45:50 PM): awww u r so cure
xbabycip1x (9:45:53 PM): cute
xbabycip1x (9:45:54 PM): lmao
xbabycip1x (9:46:04 PM): ilove you so so so so so so so much
xbabycip1x (9:46:09 PM): ill talk to u lateer
xbabycip1x (9:46:19 PM): the love of my life =)
--------------------
3-22----------
xbabycip1x (10:09:52 PM): would u b mad if i hung out with some kids from my drivin school on fri?
yosoysiraco (10:10:16 PM): lol hayley wat am i psycho
yosoysiraco (10:10:17 PM): dont fuck them
yosoysiraco (10:10:18 PM): lmao
xbabycip1x (10:10:30 PM): i wont lol
xbabycip1x (10:10:39 PM): but i will fuck u
yosoysiraco (10:10:45 PM): i thot u had softball or w/e but eh i have to go to the doctor it makes no dif
yosoysiraco (10:11:09 PM): ash just came over we talked for a while it made me feel better.. and steves away msg made me feel better too
xbabycip1x (10:11:58 PM): cool
xbabycip1x (10:12:03 PM): will u b ok sat?
xbabycip1x (10:12:10 PM): even tho i kno u r fine
yosoysiraco (10:12:16 PM): lol.. ive been like shaking all night
yosoysiraco (10:12:18 PM): its bad lol
xbabycip1x (10:12:35 PM): y?
xbabycip1x (10:12:41 PM): they will tell u wats rong on fri
xbabycip1x (10:12:43 PM): rite?
yosoysiraco (10:12:48 PM): idn.. i gotta get blood tests
yosoysiraco (10:12:56 PM): i think that is it for fri tho
xbabycip1x (10:12:58 PM): ooo
yosoysiraco (10:13:24 PM): who are the kids from driving school ne way ?
xbabycip1x (10:13:31 PM): joe and mike
yosoysiraco (10:13:36 PM): lol
yosoysiraco (10:13:48 PM): r 1 of them the kids that were like
yosoysiraco (10:13:52 PM): ill miss driving skool wen its ova ?
xbabycip1x (10:14:01 PM): idn
yosoysiraco (10:14:04 PM): cuz oh boy are they in for a suprise :-[ lol
yosoysiraco (10:14:15 PM): ur gonna like them more then me cuz im fuckin dramatic and bitchy
yosoysiraco (10:14:24 PM): and a spaz lately
xbabycip1x (10:14:57 PM): shut up
yosoysiraco (10:15:12 PM): :-(
yosoysiraco (10:15:45 PM): i guess kristi is tryin to tell ashley that i am tryi nto destroy her .. lmao
xbabycip1x (10:15:54 PM): i kno
yosoysiraco (10:15:56 PM): pathetic
yosoysiraco (10:15:59 PM): thats rly pathetic hayley
xbabycip1x (10:16:00 PM): y do u think i will like them?
xbabycip1x (10:16:03 PM): that upsets me
xbabycip1x (10:16:07 PM): i told her that its nt true
yosoysiraco (10:16:11 PM): cuz i suck lol.. im just fuckin with u
yosoysiraco (10:16:18 PM): i hang out with girls all the time
xbabycip1x (10:16:21 PM): i kno
yosoysiraco (10:16:22 PM): id be a hypocrite to yell at u
xbabycip1x (10:18:32 PM): ya lol
xbabycip1x (10:18:43 PM): i hope u feel so good on sat
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Auto response from yosoysiraco (10:18:43 PM): dryXteardrops (10:17:15 PM): mike
dryXteardrops (10:17:17 PM): u make me
dryXteardrops (10:17:19 PM): so hard
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yosoysiraco (10:18:47 PM): lmao
yosoysiraco (10:18:49 PM): roflmao @ that
yosoysiraco (10:18:55 PM): she didnt even say that
xbabycip1x (10:18:57 PM): im goin to do hmek ttyl
yosoysiraco (10:19:02 PM): have fun lol
xbabycip1x (10:19:08 PM): call me in a lil
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Session concluded at 10:21:01 PM
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3-23-------------------------
yosoysiraco (7:59:56 PM): im prob gonna do it sat morning
xbabycip1x (8:00:35 PM): y?
yosoysiraco (8:01:16 PM): cuz m dad has blood tests to be done
xbabycip1x (8:01:39 PM): wait ur gna do wat saturday mornin
xbabycip1x (8:04:58 PM): ?
yosoysiraco (8:05:17 PM): get my blood tested
yosoysiraco (8:05:24 PM): then i have work thennnn i cna hang out
xbabycip1x (8:06:00 PM): o0o ok haha..i thot u were talkin about playin w urself
xbabycip1x (8:06:16 PM): ur prob gna b so exhausted wen u gt outa work
yosoysiraco (8:07:05 PM): lol shush
xbabycip1x (8:07:11 PM): haha
yosoysiraco (8:07:16 PM): ill prob feel like so fuckin good tomorrow
xbabycip1x (8:07:29 PM): y?
yosoysiraco (8:07:31 PM): but u have better things 2 do and hotter guys 2 b with ;)
yosoysiraco (8:07:47 PM): are u kididng me! no school and i get to see the cool ass school i wanna go to andddddddd no work and yessssssssssssssssssss
xbabycip1x (8:09:02 PM): haha o so ur mad im hangin out with other ppl?
xbabycip1x (8:09:08 PM): im hangin w u on sat
yosoysiraco (8:10:08 PM): lol im not mad
yosoysiraco (8:10:11 PM): i just odnt know them
xbabycip1x (8:11:23 PM): so
yosoysiraco (8:11:56 PM): 2 key parts of a rleationship are love and trust
yosoysiraco (8:12:04 PM): and i have both lol
xbabycip1x (8:12:10 PM): u better trust
yosoysiraco (8:12:15 PM): i dont care if u hang out with other guys
xbabycip1x (8:12:21 PM): ok
yosoysiraco (8:12:29 PM): id liek it if i know um but w/e its not like it will effect me
yosoysiraco (8:12:40 PM): and if it does effect me then necks will get broken.. lol
xbabycip1x (8:14:01 PM): so u dont trust me
yosoysiraco wants to directly connect (8:14:51 PM).
xbabycip1x is now directly connected (8:15:41 PM).
yosoysiraco (8:15:48 PM):
this is all i gotta say
xbabycip1x (8:15:56 PM): wt?
xbabycip1x (8:16:00 PM): u dont ttrust me
yosoysiraco (8:16:02 PM): fuckin gross lol
xbabycip1x (8:16:05 PM): yah
yosoysiraco (8:16:07 PM): i dont not trust u
yosoysiraco (8:16:15 PM): the other day u were like oh we can hang out on fridya
yosoysiraco (8:16:20 PM): oh wait no i cant i have softball
yosoysiraco (8:16:24 PM): but then ur hanging out w other guys
yosoysiraco (8:16:31 PM): that kinda bothers me
xbabycip1x (8:16:53 PM): ok
xbabycip1x (8:17:00 PM): well im gna quit
yosoysiraco (8:17:17 PM): i dont think u should
yosoysiraco (8:17:21 PM): if u want to do it then u should do it
xbabycip1x (8:17:40 PM): i dnt want to tho
xbabycip1x (8:17:46 PM): but i dnt c y ur mad
xbabycip1x (8:17:49 PM): watever
yosoysiraco (8:17:52 PM): lol im not mad
yosoysiraco (8:17:54 PM): dont start
xbabycip1x (8:17:57 PM): wait
xbabycip1x (8:17:58 PM): brbr
xbabycip1x (8:18:30 PM): back
xbabycip1x (8:18:38 PM): so now y r u mad?
yosoysiraco (8:18:49 PM): yosoysiraco (8:17:52 PM): lol im not mad
yosoysiraco (8:17:54 PM): dont start
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Session concluded at 8:21:03 PM
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xbabycip1x (8:23:30 PM): no ur botheres
xbabycip1x (8:23:31 PM): bothered
xbabycip1x (8:23:37 PM): and i dont felll like u trust me
xbabycip1x (8:23:41 PM): no offense
xbabycip1x (8:23:46 PM): i dnt want to start \
yosoysiraco (8:23:57 PM): lol..wat do u want me to do hayley
yosoysiraco (8:24:20 PM): this
yosoysiraco (8:24:22 PM): sucks
yosoysiraco (8:24:31 PM): in the past like 3 weeks
yosoysiraco (8:24:36 PM): weve hung out like twice
xbabycip1x (8:24:41 PM): yah i kno
xbabycip1x (8:24:47 PM): but we r hangin out saturday
xbabycip1x (8:24:49 PM): unless u dnt want to
yosoysiraco (8:25:01 PM): and then u wanted to hang out friday but said u couldnt ....but then ur hanging out with other ppl... guys.. that i dont know ..
yosoysiraco (8:25:05 PM): yeah, i'm bothered
xbabycip1x (8:25:18 PM): ur bothered bcuz u dont trust me with guys
xbabycip1x (8:25:28 PM): nd yes i couldnt go out on fri i had softball
xbabycip1x (8:25:31 PM): n i stilll did
xbabycip1x (8:25:35 PM): but now i dnt want to play
yosoysiraco (8:25:44 PM): no, im bothered becasue you told me you couldnt go out but then ur going out with 2 guys i dont know
xbabycip1x (8:25:55 PM): well i couldnt go out
yosoysiraco (8:25:57 PM): i wouldnt be as bothered if it was anyone at all that i do know
xbabycip1x (8:26:00 PM): bcuz of softball
xbabycip1x (8:26:14 PM): yes that is bcuz u do not trust n me with someone u do nt know
yosoysiraco (8:26:22 PM): no, its not
yosoysiraco (8:26:30 PM): its cuz i dont trust them
xbabycip1x (8:26:33 PM): y
yosoysiraco (8:26:37 PM): cuz i dont know them!!
yosoysiraco (8:26:44 PM): guys are fucked up hayley
-------------------------
3-24-
xbabycip1x (4:18:21 PM): k im goin to the movies talk to you later
xbabycip1x (4:18:22 PM): i love you
xbabycip1x (4:18:25 PM): call me tonight
xbabycip1x (4:18:29 PM): i love you so much =)
xbabycip1x (4:18:32 PM): i want to hug u so tight
xbabycip1x (4:18:41 PM): instead ill just give u an internet tight hug
yosoysiraco (4:18:41 PM): lol have fun wat u seein?
xbabycip1x (4:18:47 PM): dn yet lol
yosoysiraco (4:18:55 PM): dont see
yosoysiraco (4:18:57 PM): v for vendetta
yosoysiraco (4:18:59 PM): it fukin suks lol
xbabycip1x (4:19:01 PM): ok lmao
yosoysiraco (4:19:05 PM): trust me dude it blows
xbabycip1x (4:19:08 PM): ok
xbabycip1x (4:19:13 PM): bye
yosoysiraco (4:19:25 PM): peaceout have fun
xbabycip1x (4:19:34 PM): rnt u gna atleast give me a hug back/
yosoysiraco (4:19:41 PM): lmao
yosoysiraco (4:19:42 PM): wtf
yosoysiraco (4:19:44 PM): i cant reach
yosoysiraco (4:19:46 PM): im in revere
yosoysiraco (4:19:49 PM): i mean
yosoysiraco (4:19:50 PM): roflmao
yosoysiraco (4:19:52 PM): dix street
xbabycip1x (4:19:55 PM): haha
xbabycip1x (4:19:56 PM): but i sed
yosoysiraco (4:19:57 PM): but if i could i would fag
xbabycip1x (4:20:03 PM): i gave u an internet hug
xbabycip1x (4:20:13 PM): and u hurt my feelings by not loveing me bye
yosoysiraco (4:20:15 PM): lmao ok ill give u a internet hug adn a kiss but i want the real thing!!!
xbabycip1x (4:20:21 PM): i kno
xbabycip1x (4:20:22 PM): me too
yosoysiraco (4:20:23 PM): i love u 2
yosoysiraco (4:20:26 PM): but if u see vendetta red
yosoysiraco (4:20:30 PM): u will not love me
yosoysiraco (4:20:31 PM): cuz it sucks so bad
xbabycip1x (4:20:35 PM): i dont want u to say it ne more
yosoysiraco (4:20:37 PM): it makes u want the world to blow up lol
xbabycip1x (4:20:37 PM): i had to make u
xbabycip1x (4:20:40 PM): lol
yosoysiraco (4:20:46 PM): fine
yosoysiraco (4:20:50 PM): i love apples and bananas then
xbabycip1x (4:20:58 PM): good hug them then
yosoysiraco (4:21:06 PM): they explode when i hug them
xbabycip1x (4:21:08 PM): call me later i love you so so so so so so so so much
yosoysiraco (4:21:13 PM): i love you that +2
yosoysiraco (4:21:16 PM): O:-)
xbabycip1x (4:21:20 PM): ok
xbabycip1x (4:21:25 PM): muah
yosoysiraco (4:21:28 PM): peaceout
xbabycip1x is away at 4:21:48 PM.
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3-29
SilentCobra101: ok
SilentCobra101: when i was with Linda
SilentCobra101: i swear to god i truly loved her
SilentCobra101: and to this point i still have deep feelings for her
SilentCobra101: but to be honest with you i felt like it wasnt going anywhere and i wasnt happy with the relationship anymore
SilentCobra101: and i remember you were the one that told me that my happiness is very important
SilentCobra101: andi went with what makes me happy
yosoysiraco: yeah
yosoysiraco: i am known not to heed my own advice i guess
yosoysiraco: truth be told youness
yosoysiraco: whenever me and hayley act like me and hayleyu
yosoysiraco: like that day we were at kellys
yosoysiraco: and she was hugging me
yosoysiraco: i swear to god
yosoysiraco: a plane could fall out of the sky and hit me
yosoysiraco: and it wouldnt even hurt me
yosoysiraco: a fucking bomb could blow up
yosoysiraco: and as long as hayley was holding me
yosoysiraco: wed both survive
SilentCobra101: awwww
yosoysiraco: u know what i mean
SilentCobra101: i know exactly what you mean
----------------------------
4-1... A letter i wrote to hayley.
Hayley, something i havent thought about much lately is how much writing relaxes me. it's such a good way to completely state everything on your mind, completely un-interrupted with nothing else cluttering or corrupting your thoughts. i started this letter simply with the intent of making a list of everything i adore about you and everything that i never want to do without. but first, im going to write exactly how i feel and exactly what i think, because you told me just to tell you. so here it is..
in my mind right now i dont know if you think i am a creep, a control freak, a psychotic asshole, a scum bag, or someone who's holding you back from having fun and enjoying everything... something in my heads telling me to believe that... i don't know if you've changed and no longer have that amazing feeling when we are together, like i do... i'll never understand how it's been three weeks and you make plans with everyone but me all the time.. then again.. i dont know if you still see me as that goofy kid that loves you with all his heart, who tells anyone and everyone that the best feeling he's ever had is when i hold you and i know you feel happy, and warm, and safe.. the kid who wants you to have the world in your hands, who'd give it all for you to be happy.. and for me to be right by your side... the kid that if he does sleep at all, cries himself to sleep about to rip his build-a-bear in half from holding it so hard because he's so concerned he might lose something he considers everything to him... i really dont know anymore hayley, and i hate making assumptions because i'm very pessimistic and i always assume the worst, especially about myself. and my sorrow is turning rapidly into anger, which is a double-edged sword i guess.. in a way i'm ecstatic that i seem to not care as much...but as much as i try, i can't lie, the sorrow is still there and is in effect big time. there's only one girl i would say i truly loved before you...and she didn't even give me a chance. you did, hayley. you gave me the chance to feel like i am finally worth something. you know as well as i do that i am a self-depreciating son of a bitch, i hate myself with a passion, i have no confidence in myself. i never thought a girl like you would ever give an ugly hopeless guy like me a chance to show you what i can offer..but you did, and it was truly the best feeling in the world. it still is and it still can be.. hayley, the fact that for almost five months now you let me show you affection and we have been together and you have told me you loved me.. i cherish that; i value that more than anything, i really do. i don't know why suddenly you are confused, i never have been and i wish everything could be settled.
i hate thinking of having to move on from our relationship. i don't believe anything would ever compare. i mean sure, there's always that spectacular feeling you get when you hang out with new people and get close to them.. but it's all so short term, hayley. people come and go. i never want to go. i want you in my future.
i've been talking to frank, steve, kenan, youness, even fuckin ashley alot about this all day. i found myself repeating the same exact thing. i found that i kept on saying, im getting mad now instead of caring. i just wanna know what hayley wants so i can make a decision and move on with my life, with or without you... yet as i sit here and i look over what ive wrote over and over, tears have slowly but surely came to my eyes. i havent typed a word of untruth. yes, i'm crying, and hopefully by the end of this letter after i write down everything i love about you i will have a smile on my face, regardless of the fact how much i miss it all.. how much i miss you..
i know it's so fucking hard for you to understand why lately i have felt like shit and argued alot and fought alot.. i want to try and explain why, right now. it's so un-nerving to have the perfect relationship for four and a half months then over the course of one weekend it is shifted off its foundation.. i started to doubt and question everything you ever said to me and i started to analyze and critique every word you said and every move you made after that.. i'm a very paranoid person, i am sure you know that. every time i ask you to hang out, in the back of my mind i am worried that you dont want to be around me. every time i text or call you, in the back of my head i am worried that you dont want to talk to me or tell me anything. when i show concern about you, i am worried that you think im trying to restrict your life. just today, i asked if you had fun and you asked me why i asked...i asked because i hope you had a good day!... and hayley, i am unsure if i should worry like that or not. personally, i want to be with you all the time and always have a hold of you and all that good stuff.. im just alot more precautious now then i was two weeks ago, because it was the first and one of the only major disputes we've had in our seemingly perfect relationship..that was honestly the only thing that i believe diluted the pure love that i feel we have for eachother.. it was a major blow for me. and in the advent of you saying you want a break, saying you are confused about us, saying all that, i don't want to impede in your life, i dont want to force myself on to you, i wish that you would call ME more often and youd ask ME to hang out..because i'm telling you...i want nothing more than to be around you. i'm just very intimidated now, and when it seems liek you dont want to be around me, i freak out and feel like you hate me. my mind is fucking with me..
throughout this all hayley, i realized one thing. i can try and hide it and i can try and act like a big insensitive hardass and i can pretend i dont care.. but you cant help but realize something you miss so much... and i really dont know waht i DONT miss.. what DON'T i love about you hayley?
i love you.
i love you more than anything i've loved before, i am absolutely positively in love with you, i adore you with an unbridled passion.
you are the most beautiful, cutest, hottest, most adorable, breath-takingly gorgeous girl i have ever met or seen in my life. through my eyes you have no imperfections. i love how sometimes you feel like you have the need to spend an hour fixing your hair before we go out, when no matter what your hair looked like i'd get butterflies because of how beautiful you are. everything is cute about you. your eyes, your nose, your ears, your mouth, your body (which i think is perfect, i would not ask a thing to change about it), your style (i love how you just love to feel comfortable, yet you still are radiantly beautiful.. yet if you are in the mood you can dress up a little and look absolutely fucking stunning), anything looks-wise about you is perfect.
i love so many little mannerisms of yours... i love how cute it is when you stick your tongue out and laugh.. i love your laugh, i love how when you laugh it really sounds like you are enjoying yourself and you feel good.. i'll never forget the day we met when we were at the movies, how loud you laughed and how awesome i thought it was, when you were whipping reese's pieces at some guy in the front row.. you're so full of life, when you're happy it feels like you complete me.. lol today when we were outside in fellowes class you had your eyes closed and were basking in the sun and shit, you looked so cute i wanted 2 hug u so bad.. oh man.. well...
i love us together. honestly hayley, last saturday after we had a fight all day but were at kellys with everyone, and you were just sittign next to me and holding on to me..i felt invincible. i felt like a fucking nuclear bomb could go off, a plane could have crashed into kellys, anything could have happened...and as long as you were holding on to me, as long as i knew you were happy, nothing could hurt me. nothing in the world. nothing could hurt us. that song in your info said "I hold it all when i hold you".. it holds true for me. i really liked that.. that moment was perfect.. every day with you that i've had up to this point has been perfect.. if we were driving around in the escort beeping at people and pissing people off, it was perfect. laying around in my room naked and playing mario kart and wrestling is perfect. going out with everyone and playfighting with you and being immature and having fun.. perfect. all perfect, hayley. and i want everything with us to always be perfect. i want prom to be perfect. i want our summer to be perfect. i want our LIFE to be perfect.
i love everything about your personality. i love how you're so excited and eager to go out and do things. whenever you get up and your like OH PLEASE CAN WE DO ___ OH PLEASE OH PLEASE ... i just love it, hayley. you bring a ray of light into my life. god, it is amazing..
and as much as it hurts me, i love how strong you are. in a sick twisted way, i love how you can go on amidst all these feelings i have and still have fun, still have a good time and not change whatsoever. it takes alot to do that hayley, obviously alot more then i have...
the bottom line hayley, is this. i get mad alot lately. i realize this and just like you i dont know why the fuck i do it. i love you soooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucking much... its just such an awkward time right now.. i never want to lose you, hayley. everything you are is everything to me. everyone i know says this is such a fucked up predicament, but the main thing i need to do is give it time. i will give it time..but i want.. i dunno, i want it all too i guess. it all, to me though... is you.
im gonna say this again and i dont even fuckin care. i hope we can set some time after 4 tomorrow where we can be together. i just want to fucking hold you. that is all i want. i want to talk, i want to decide on things. i want all to be right again, hayley. i want this to stop. it's hard to live when it feels like your slipping from my grasps. i love you. i love you, i love you, i fucking love you so much. in my idealistic dream little fantasy world, we're going to make it through this, we're going to spend years together, i honestly want to be with you for such a long time... i remember a while back we were talking and you said to me you don't understand how married couples, who love eachother so much, break up and get divorced over such stupid stuff. remember that talk we had?... we can't let this end us hayley.
i really wanna see you tomorrow, hayley. i have the accord 4-9, i'll call you after 4.
i love you, baby. i can't stress this enough. i am sorry i was a fucking asshole and disturbed your sleep.. i hope you sleep late and i hope you feel alot better tomorrow morning.. and i hope you have fun tomorrow if all the stuff works out w/ u ali and jackie and gina.. goodnight sweetheart
4-1
yosoysiraco (10:48:21 AM): oops lol
yosoysiraco (10:48:23 AM): yeah
yosoysiraco (10:48:37 AM): i was thinking i had to just fuckign sit down and just write everything
yosoysiraco (10:48:46 AM): that usually helps me alot thats why i have a live journal
xbabycip1x (10:48:51 AM): yah
xbabycip1x (10:49:00 AM): good im glad i kno how u feel now
xbabycip1x (10:49:06 AM): it was nice i liked it =)
yosoysiraco (10:49:15 AM): lol good
yosoysiraco (10:49:17 AM): :)
yosoysiraco (10:51:01 AM): i honestly sat there from 2:30 to 4:30 writing that last night lol.. i dont care it was worth it.. not a word of it isnt true
xbabycip1x (10:51:24 AM): i kno i liked it
yosoysiraco (10:51:33 AM): im glad u did
xbabycip1x (10:51:59 AM): igg i gt a road lesson so i gta gt ready
yosoysiraco (10:52:40 AM): good luck with it lol ill call u around 4
xbabycip1x (10:52:48 AM): ok i love you
yosoysiraco (10:52:53 AM): i love you too hayley
xbabycip1x (10:52:56 AM): so much?
yosoysiraco (10:53:00 AM): more than anything :)
xbabycip1x (10:53:04 AM): ok =)
xbabycip1x (10:53:06 AM): bye
4-3...
nothing changes..
hayley acts like i dont exist..
breakup.
hayley says it herself, that she acted like a weirdo for so long because she didnt want me to like her.
4-3 til present...
mike cries himself to sleep. hard.
4-3
hayley smokes weed for the first time and kisses some guy.
4-7....
hayley makes her fuckin choice in the form of giving away something very precious that i planned on taking...yeah you guys can fucking guess what happened on prom night w/ her date..
4-12-
i found out the truth and will never fucking speak to her again.
took me 9 fucking days but this is the end. i cant fuckin believe how fucked up this situation is but i'm more pissed now than anything. good to know this all, its awesome to know the truth. this is the last time i will think about her, this is the last time i will mention her, this is the last anything to do with her. this is for the sheer fact that i want people to have a fuckin idea how fast everything changed. it's over now. over forever.
i actually have one regret from this all. i regret devoting a months full of my all to some dumb fucking broad. i regret having her on the back of my mind for so long, i regret letting someone become everything to me. ill never make the same fucking mistake twice. i've changed, i've learned, and what hasnt killed me will make me alot stronger of a person. some people just dont fuckin deserve to have it all, so fuck them.
if anything i realized how fucking incredible friends i have rite now...n thats all i need..with a month left of highschool i'll be away from all this bullshit forever pretty soon, and these are the kids who are going to stick with me. fuck the rest of the world, fuck the trouble fuck the drama fuck the hate.. these next few months will be the best of our lives.. hands down. we are adults now, but we're still so fucking young. its time to have all the fun we invisioned of having once we were old enough. this is my fucking time, dude, and not a thing is gonna stop me. :).. people will learn and i wont be around to hear it, thank fuckin god.
goodnight everyone, senior skip today tomorrow will be sweet.. :D