I'm guessing it's something I did or didn't do or did but didn't do properly!
I find that the biggest problem is looking ahead. And trying to plan ahead, but mostly just looking ahead - or the lack thereof to be more accurate.
It's really difficult to think seriously and understand the impact of small things and how over time the result is bad, and usually at that point irreversible.
If you leave the house and realize you forgot to turn the kitchen light off, it really doesn't seem to matter much. But how many millions of people forget and leave a light on for a couple hours at a time on any given day? How much energy is wasted everyday? And it seems so insignificant! But our planet is shifting dramatically and soon, if we still have backyards that aren't submerged under water, we may have polar bears milling about, as common as house cats.
But I think that this has a lot to do with not just me, and not just you but everybody. If I was the only person in the world leaving my light on while I pop out for some dinner, then I think it would be okay but there are a lot of people in the world and what I do, and what you do and what half a billion other people do all is relevant to me and you and everyone else in the world.
And so, too, do the things that we do to one another breed surprising consequences - or at least they could.
How different we all are! And how sensitive we are! And fragile! We all have things that are so important to us, and there are lots of things that make us so sad! And what makes me feel like crying may not make you feel like crying, and what makes you so sad may make me feel okay. And how can anyone know unless we know one another well? And how many people can you know well? I think not many! If I say something in passing, standing in line at Starbucks and it is seemingly harmless and I think I am so funny sometimes, but what if what I say hurts the person behind me? I do not know how other people feel and so I cannot pretend to make up an example and so I will have to use my own.
Sometimes I feel really sad, and as though I've had some sort of falling out with the rest of the world. I think - I am so different! I do not think that I should be here! I think that there is something wrong with me that makes me feel so different and so uncomfortable! I think that everybody is really horrible and really cruel and tragic.
In those times I feel really like giving up and going home, sitting on the couch and going to sleep forever. And then I'll be standing on the platform waiting for the Metro and I'll overhear someone say something awful about someone who is just passing by - someone they don't even know! Or I'll be with coworkers and one will say something mean about someone who they act nice to and then I know that their kindness to that person is fake. (And that person still thinks that that other person likes them but they don't and that is really sad!)
So anyway, in those times, when I had already felt really sad, I feel even worse. But they don't know that! How can they? I don't think that they should at all! But they should be careful of what they say! I don't think that it is a matter such as, "oh, what if someone overhears something sad and that is the moment they decide to give up and they kill themselves and that person was the one that had the cure to the common cold and now we will always have the sniffles in the winter because that person at the train station said something mean that they overheard."
I think that it does not have to be a matter such as that. I think that it is enough to say, "sometimes people make others sad without meaning to." I think that that is enough to want to be just a little better. To think that if I am a little more careful with my words, and if I try to think ahead just a little, that if I think, "I want to be mean to this person because she made me mad, but if I did that she would feel bad and, really, what did that accomplish at all?" Because maybe that person in turn will make someone else feel bad -- maybe me in retaliation and it will be a bad cycle.
But I think that it is also good to mention that on the other side of this, by being careful to not make others sad, then don't I make them happy? Or, at least, I can try to. And since we are all so closely connected, then I think that this is very important.
I think that I will try to think more carefully about how I act, and although it feels good to be mean to someone who made me mad, I think that I will try to keep from doing that and instead try to be nicer.
That is what I will try to do.
It's really difficult to think seriously and understand the impact of small things and how over time the result is bad, and usually at that point irreversible.
If you leave the house and realize you forgot to turn the kitchen light off, it really doesn't seem to matter much. But how many millions of people forget and leave a light on for a couple hours at a time on any given day? How much energy is wasted everyday? And it seems so insignificant! But our planet is shifting dramatically and soon, if we still have backyards that aren't submerged under water, we may have polar bears milling about, as common as house cats.
But I think that this has a lot to do with not just me, and not just you but everybody. If I was the only person in the world leaving my light on while I pop out for some dinner, then I think it would be okay but there are a lot of people in the world and what I do, and what you do and what half a billion other people do all is relevant to me and you and everyone else in the world.
And so, too, do the things that we do to one another breed surprising consequences - or at least they could.
How different we all are! And how sensitive we are! And fragile! We all have things that are so important to us, and there are lots of things that make us so sad! And what makes me feel like crying may not make you feel like crying, and what makes you so sad may make me feel okay. And how can anyone know unless we know one another well? And how many people can you know well? I think not many! If I say something in passing, standing in line at Starbucks and it is seemingly harmless and I think I am so funny sometimes, but what if what I say hurts the person behind me? I do not know how other people feel and so I cannot pretend to make up an example and so I will have to use my own.
Sometimes I feel really sad, and as though I've had some sort of falling out with the rest of the world. I think - I am so different! I do not think that I should be here! I think that there is something wrong with me that makes me feel so different and so uncomfortable! I think that everybody is really horrible and really cruel and tragic.
In those times I feel really like giving up and going home, sitting on the couch and going to sleep forever. And then I'll be standing on the platform waiting for the Metro and I'll overhear someone say something awful about someone who is just passing by - someone they don't even know! Or I'll be with coworkers and one will say something mean about someone who they act nice to and then I know that their kindness to that person is fake. (And that person still thinks that that other person likes them but they don't and that is really sad!)
So anyway, in those times, when I had already felt really sad, I feel even worse. But they don't know that! How can they? I don't think that they should at all! But they should be careful of what they say! I don't think that it is a matter such as, "oh, what if someone overhears something sad and that is the moment they decide to give up and they kill themselves and that person was the one that had the cure to the common cold and now we will always have the sniffles in the winter because that person at the train station said something mean that they overheard."
I think that it does not have to be a matter such as that. I think that it is enough to say, "sometimes people make others sad without meaning to." I think that that is enough to want to be just a little better. To think that if I am a little more careful with my words, and if I try to think ahead just a little, that if I think, "I want to be mean to this person because she made me mad, but if I did that she would feel bad and, really, what did that accomplish at all?" Because maybe that person in turn will make someone else feel bad -- maybe me in retaliation and it will be a bad cycle.
But I think that it is also good to mention that on the other side of this, by being careful to not make others sad, then don't I make them happy? Or, at least, I can try to. And since we are all so closely connected, then I think that this is very important.
I think that I will try to think more carefully about how I act, and although it feels good to be mean to someone who made me mad, I think that I will try to keep from doing that and instead try to be nicer.
That is what I will try to do.