but really, aren't I a freak?
I disliked being touched. Immensely dislike.
People notice but I try not to make it obvious. Some people are touchers. They hug and they pat your arm or touch you when they say something funny because they are friendly. Some people rub your back when they think you are being cute and sweet. The guy I work for at the gym touches me a lot. I try not to be awkward about it, but I know I unconsciously flinch whenever someone touches me and then I try not to take a step backwards but inevitably, I always do unless I'm thinking really quickly (which is never very often).
Shana touches me more often than most people, but she knows I don't like to be touched so that somehow makes it alright. Plus, I'm closer to her to anybody. Most likely.
Anyway, I feel bad when I have this subtle reaction because I don't think it's a bad thing that people do touch other people; I think it's kind of sweet and so I don't want to discourage them. And I think it's really touching (ha ha) that some people like that physical connection with other people. And most of all, I really like when people do it to me because it makes me think that they aren't scared of me. Or think I'm such a weirdo that they should avoid me. Or they don't think I'm gross and a freak so they don't think they need to maintain their distance.
But still. It makes me feel weird inside and I will probably always shy away from those people's hands.
People notice but I try not to make it obvious. Some people are touchers. They hug and they pat your arm or touch you when they say something funny because they are friendly. Some people rub your back when they think you are being cute and sweet. The guy I work for at the gym touches me a lot. I try not to be awkward about it, but I know I unconsciously flinch whenever someone touches me and then I try not to take a step backwards but inevitably, I always do unless I'm thinking really quickly (which is never very often).
Shana touches me more often than most people, but she knows I don't like to be touched so that somehow makes it alright. Plus, I'm closer to her to anybody. Most likely.
Anyway, I feel bad when I have this subtle reaction because I don't think it's a bad thing that people do touch other people; I think it's kind of sweet and so I don't want to discourage them. And I think it's really touching (ha ha) that some people like that physical connection with other people. And most of all, I really like when people do it to me because it makes me think that they aren't scared of me. Or think I'm such a weirdo that they should avoid me. Or they don't think I'm gross and a freak so they don't think they need to maintain their distance.
But still. It makes me feel weird inside and I will probably always shy away from those people's hands.