Mindful Enjoyment
Lately, I've noticed that I feel like I have hardly any time. I always feel stressed about fitting things into my day or scheduling different things around each other. Class, work, studying, poetry events, socializing, and just "me time." It's been on my mind in the last few weeks, and I think one of the reasons why I've been most frustrated is because I should have so much more time than I feel like I do.
First of all, I'm only in school half-time right now. I started off the semester with five classes but dropped all but two a few weeks in because of personal issues at the beginning of the semester. Yeah, I've only got two classes. They're pretty reading-intense, so I have to account for a pretty large amount of time that goes into reading and homework, but two classes?
Second of all, I only work part-time right now, too. I got hired at a movie theatre about two months ago as part of a group hiring to get some new people trained up before the rush of summer starts. What that means is I'm only getting a few shifts a week. I haven't worked more than 18 hours in any given week yet. So, not only am I in school part-time, I'm also working part-time.
So why do I feel like I have NO time!?
I think I figured it out. I spend a lot of time just kind of putzing around in between doing things. I'm always kind of half-in and half-out of an activity, so I never feel like I'm getting to sit down and do something with my time, but I'm also wasting a lot of time this way. And I spend a lot of time on the internet. A lot. Not doing anything in particular, just wasting time hoping something interesting will magically appear on my screen.
SO - I have decided, as a result of a kind of epiphany I had in class today, that I am going to stop waiting and start doing. A big problem that I have (and am slowly realizing is much more common than I ever thought in people of my age, ie. college kids) is that I feel like I'm waiting for my life to really start. You know, like... "Oh, I'll learn to play the guitar when I'm not busy learning to speak French." Or... "I'll finish my novel when I don't have so much reading to do for class." Or... "I couldn't possibly dye my hair/get a facial piercing because I'm going to have to get a real job soon."
I think I just have to stop thinking of my life right now as a waiting period. College is kind of limbo, because I'm not living in my folks' house anymore, but I'm also not out in the real world yet. But things that I want to do, passions I want to pursue, don't have to be stuck in limbo. Yes, I've got icky homework that has to be done. Yes, I'm going to have to get a real (ie. higher-paying) job soon. Yes, I'm going to have to start paying back massive amounts of student loans when I graduate in the terrifyingly near future.
But tomorrow morning, I can take ten minutes to open up the brand new French coffee press I got myself for my birthday (over two months ago), grind the whole French Roast coffee beans I've had sitting on my shelf for that same amount of time, and make myself some really delicious coffee. Those things have been waiting for me to use them since February. They've been out, visible, ready. But every morning I've told myself I didn't have the time to go through the hassle of grinding and pressing my own coffee, so I would make my coffee in my boring old Black & Decker machine. SINCE WHEN DID A GIFT TO MYSELF BECOME A HASSLE TO USE. This thinking is absurd!
From here forward, I'm going to try to be more conscientious of how I spend my time - to stop doing those silly, time-wasting activities (like sitting on Facebook or Tumblr for unproductive~ hours) out of habit - and make an effort to spend more time focusing on projects or activities I enjoy. I need to start filling my life with mindful enjoyment, being who I want to be.
"Decide what to be and go be it."
The Avett Brothers
First of all, I'm only in school half-time right now. I started off the semester with five classes but dropped all but two a few weeks in because of personal issues at the beginning of the semester. Yeah, I've only got two classes. They're pretty reading-intense, so I have to account for a pretty large amount of time that goes into reading and homework, but two classes?
Second of all, I only work part-time right now, too. I got hired at a movie theatre about two months ago as part of a group hiring to get some new people trained up before the rush of summer starts. What that means is I'm only getting a few shifts a week. I haven't worked more than 18 hours in any given week yet. So, not only am I in school part-time, I'm also working part-time.
So why do I feel like I have NO time!?
I think I figured it out. I spend a lot of time just kind of putzing around in between doing things. I'm always kind of half-in and half-out of an activity, so I never feel like I'm getting to sit down and do something with my time, but I'm also wasting a lot of time this way. And I spend a lot of time on the internet. A lot. Not doing anything in particular, just wasting time hoping something interesting will magically appear on my screen.
SO - I have decided, as a result of a kind of epiphany I had in class today, that I am going to stop waiting and start doing. A big problem that I have (and am slowly realizing is much more common than I ever thought in people of my age, ie. college kids) is that I feel like I'm waiting for my life to really start. You know, like... "Oh, I'll learn to play the guitar when I'm not busy learning to speak French." Or... "I'll finish my novel when I don't have so much reading to do for class." Or... "I couldn't possibly dye my hair/get a facial piercing because I'm going to have to get a real job soon."
I think I just have to stop thinking of my life right now as a waiting period. College is kind of limbo, because I'm not living in my folks' house anymore, but I'm also not out in the real world yet. But things that I want to do, passions I want to pursue, don't have to be stuck in limbo. Yes, I've got icky homework that has to be done. Yes, I'm going to have to get a real (ie. higher-paying) job soon. Yes, I'm going to have to start paying back massive amounts of student loans when I graduate in the terrifyingly near future.
But tomorrow morning, I can take ten minutes to open up the brand new French coffee press I got myself for my birthday (over two months ago), grind the whole French Roast coffee beans I've had sitting on my shelf for that same amount of time, and make myself some really delicious coffee. Those things have been waiting for me to use them since February. They've been out, visible, ready. But every morning I've told myself I didn't have the time to go through the hassle of grinding and pressing my own coffee, so I would make my coffee in my boring old Black & Decker machine. SINCE WHEN DID A GIFT TO MYSELF BECOME A HASSLE TO USE. This thinking is absurd!
From here forward, I'm going to try to be more conscientious of how I spend my time - to stop doing those silly, time-wasting activities (like sitting on Facebook or Tumblr for unproductive~ hours) out of habit - and make an effort to spend more time focusing on projects or activities I enjoy. I need to start filling my life with mindful enjoyment, being who I want to be.
"Decide what to be and go be it."
The Avett Brothers