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xxzenonxx December 1 2008, 06:55:12 UTC
i want to feel in control of my life.

i want my love quadrilateral to collapse.

i want the man i love to divorce his wife and finally be with me.
i want him to quit teasing me and finally jump.
i want to jump with him.
i want to be able to say to his face how much i like him and how much he means to me.
i want to know for certain that im not some fun side project
that im not some peice of ass he can get with while he's stuck with his wife.

i want to finally know what the fuck to do with my fiance.
i want to be over him. i want to marry him.
i want to know what the fuck to do!
i want to know that i'll be okay without him.
i want to have no regrets about leaving him.
i want to still be his best friend.

i want to lose 50 pounds.
i want my bones to protrude.
i want people to keep asking me if ive lost more weight.
i want people to keep telling me im getting too skinny.
why did they stop?

i want to know why my body carries the scars it does.
i want to know why im the one that put them there myself.
i want to know why i put them there
and why i can't seem to survive without making them.

i want people to stop using me
i want people to stop tearing me apart
i want to know who i am
i want to stop suffering
i want to STOP HATING MYSELF

i want people to know...
my life is a giant facade.

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